Dear Brother/ Sister.
I would like to describe it but I know it’s impossible, when you’re deep in the thick darkness and haven’t seen the light for years you won’t be able to know or understand how strong the light is and how it makes the pain and deep suffering go away.
I want to describe life after my therapy, how it is to agree to forget and forgive. I want to describe what true closeness to G-d from true happiness is, what life with fear and anxiety is, just to live.
But I know you’re in the midst of this trauma, refuse consolation and don’t want to forget. The mind can’t figure out why this terrible thing happened. You’re in pain and it’s hard for you.
My heart is broken over this. I cry when you’re not looking because I’d love to help you just I don’t know how. I just am reminded of myself and how it hurt and how I thought the situation was impossible. How I cried at night for I was sure the story would have a bad ending. I was terrified of what hid inside the darkness and didn’t want to think about the future. Nothing seemed possible and I never dreamt there was a real way to get out of this. I never believed there was light and it so beautiful, the light of G-d’s love that changes everything in a moment!
In the end I went to therapy, I was so nervous my stomach churned. I went unenthusiastically, not knowing what it would do for me. Only then I understood what everyone was saying…
I’m sharing this with you because I think it will help at least a bit but I again am reminded of myself in your situation and I’m afraid it’s impossible because certain things need to be experienced, to be seen and felt inside your heart. Only then you’ll understand.
Just like you had a trauma, you will have a life after it too. You must see them both to recognize the miracle; the before and after pictures are the best way to appreciate it. Now you only have the ‘before’ pictures. So let’s together look forward to the ‘after’ pictures and believe that they will come in one moment.
Your Brother/ Sister who’s been there and done that