Dear matchmaker

First and foremost, ashrayich! You took the initiative and redt a shidduch. You just became a partner in Hashem’s work. You got a first date going, and that alone is an accomplishment There’s a tremendous shortage of shadchanim nowadays. I would encourage everyone, especially our young couples (who know the boys and girls), to redt shidduchim. Now back to your question. You don’t specify what’s terrifying you. If it’s just nerves, you’re in good company. My wife and I have been redting shidduchim for 18 years and we still get the jitters at times. But the more shidduchim you make, the more confident you will be. With regard to “messing up,” I’m sure that I’ve messed up as well. Messing up is not a problem as long as we learn from our mistakes. As the saying goes, “We’re obligated to do what we can, but the results are up to Hashem.” Just do your job, be respectful and you’ll do fine. With regard to your request for tips, make sure you stay in contact with both sides.

People get edgy if they don’t hear from the shadchan. For example, if one side needs time to think before giving an answer, tell that to the other party. They might not be happy, but at least they’ll know what’s going on. Tell them you’ll be in touch as soon as you hear anything. Here’s another tip: Always give positive feedback to the other side (for example, he liked her simchas hachaim; she enjoyed his company). Everyone likes to hear feedback, and it cements the shidduch process. I also suggest that you find an experienced shadchan who can act as a mentor and guide you through any challenges that crop up. There are certainly shadchanim who would be happy to help l’sheim mitzvah. May Hakadosh Baruch Hu give you siyata dishmaya and loads of success. And may you serve as an inspiration to your friends and acquaintances. Hatzlachah!


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