Inspiring Jewish WomenPurim

Fight Your Doubts With Happiness

“We have many enemies; we have no lack enemies of every type. But on the top of the list, our arch-enemy, the father all those that come rising up against us, as old as history, as sad as night and as dangerous as a snake, properly groomed and wearing a tie is Amalek.
Indeed, he is not exactly your conventional enemy but he is the enemy of the faithful soul wherever that soul may be. He is the philosopher who comes at the time your faith is weakest or when you’re surrounded with sadness or when you feel like you got thrown out of the protective clouds of faith. Amalek is the doubt that asks: “What is all this? What are you doing?” Do you recognize him? He is the one who dresses up as a friend or as a young activist pursuing world justice, the one that dresses up as a modern intellectual that is worried about the weak and the poor, the one who's not afraid of us.

He looks for us in the darkest corners and hopes to find the opportune time to knock us down and rob us. He looks for every opportunity to destroy, wipe out and kill and he waits for the moment of weakness that brings me to the edge of the camp and then he pounces on me. He waits for the moment that the fire of my faith is burning very low and a spiritual cold surrounds me. It’s a hard time, a difficult test and a moment of weakness. Then he whispers in my ears poisonous whispers; “what did you think” he whispers to me, “that you're special? That you're loved? That someone actually listens to your prayers? That's all foolish! Nobody listens to you and you have no chance of winning in this spiritual battle, no chance of fulfilling what you accepted upon yourself! Just flow with life, enjoy it! So what if you're not a saint this generation and incarnation! There are other good things that you could live for!                      

But he's a liar!

What is the torah

If it doesn't work, let's dress up as if we're happy people! Let's make believe!

So what do we do if we’re tired sad or sometimes not God-fearing. Specifically then he comes and gets under our skin when we're not quite alert and he whispers to us. The problem is he could sound convincing because I look outside and I look inside and things don’t look so great. How can I hide from his supposedly logical claims if in reality I'm just a mediocre regular average person? Maybe it's better just to climb down from the tree called serving G-d and just be a normal person? Isn't it so?

The truth is if I was even slightly awake I would fight with him to the bitter end, I would shout at him with all my strength: “Really? What great causes do you have in mind that I should pursue? What merchandise are you selling me? How could can you get anywhere in life without the fear of God?  You are a liar, a thief, a murderer and a lowlife! Who do you think you are that you're going to tell me sweet stories about life without holiness? Who do you think you are that you're going to sell me a beautiful life without G-d in it?”

If I was slightly more awake I would slay him! But he is very sly. He pops in only the times of my powerlessness and in these times when I’m not guarding my fences he could actually defeat me.

But there are moments when our mind tells us: “I would like to be victorious over him with some successful strategy, and the truth is there are strategies against his falsehood but they don't include conventional warfare.

Surprisingly to be victorious over him you need one thing; happiness. You just have to be happy and there's no other way! Just dance, clap and be happy with who we truly are.  Be happy with what we have. Let’s remember with all our strength who we really are; the sons and daughters of the greatest King! Holy children living with Divine Providence. We have an internal life with holiness inside us even if it’s hidden temporarily. Even if we seem frozen. Even if we think the clouds of holiness cast us out somewhere God forbid there's still a Holiness inside us and for this reason we should be happy with all our might! This is what separates us speak from all the ugly materialism in our world. This is what makes us unique! This is what's beautiful in us even when we are ugly. And if it doesn't go and we’re not happy, we will dress up as if we're happy! Even if it seems bad, everything is for the best. He’ll put obstacles before us and it's easy to fall into any one of them. But how great our faith is, if we hold on to it real tight; If we’re stubborn enough not to let go of it; If we’re that someone who seeks to destroy the doubt gnawing inside us.

So in the month of Adar I strengthen myself, spread out the blanket of Faith and cover myself with it. I cover over all those doubts which are the enemies of my soul. I plug my ears to block out the voice of doubt. I try to stop thinking that a thinking person is someone who doubts. I try to stop secretly admiring the doubts that are gnawing away inside me and I stop believing in them. I know exactly what they are, the enemies; the ones who want bad for me and seek to end my life.

I will just be happy with the good that I have in me!


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