I’ll never forget those moments of mounting tension which became life changing points in my life. I saw with my own eyes how short and fragile life is. I discovered there’s no insurance or guarantee of how life will turn out or what the next moment will bring. All my muscle flexing and banal attempts to stay in control and “run things” the way I want were laughable. I understood that the most important moment in my life is right now.
I looked at my daughter’s beautiful eyes that stared hollowly at a point in space and I learned that I don’t know anything. This is the moment of my trial where intellect ends and the emotions flutter in my heart, taunt and confuse me.
I cried out from the depths of my heart, “Master of the world”! Thank you and again thank you for the 5 wonderful years with this awesome girl you deposited with us for safekeeping. Thank you for the moments of happiness and for the moments of pain, laughter and crying, the chaos and the orderliness. I truly have no complaints or questions. I understand that I know nothing and what complaint can I have against the one whose ways are all just and true?”
I held my daughter’s little hand with faith and the tears were flowing freely from my eyes. I fervently prayed that all our resolutions to improve and begging G-d would help us at this fateful time.
“Father! I know that everything is for the ultimate good forever. We didn’t come down to earth for a picnic but to repair ourselves. But still, I believe with complete faith that You are the healer of all flesh that does wonders and that all souls are in Your hands! What the doctors say doesn’t matter, there’s no aggressive germ that’s stronger than You my father! With the same speed the germ attacked my daughter’s frail body it could also disappear if You will it so. Now I ask for Your great mercy, for I don’t really deserve it, and I don’t have merits in my bag, but only because You have compassion and You are my Father and my daughter’s father who in a moment can reverse everything for good, blessing and happiness!”
I that moment, I ‘signed’ an unwritten agreement with G-d who has all the cures in His hands. “You please give my loving daughter back and sign her this moment back to life and I from this moment will do everything in my power to bring your precious Jewish daughters back to you, measure for measure!”
Then it happened… a few hours everything reversed. My daughter started recovering and woke up asked for a drink of water and got up out of bed after being unconscious for the day. She got up and started dancing around the ward, astounding all the doctors who fear for the worst!
This week’s Torah portion says: “See, I place before you today, blessing and curse. The blessing will come if you listen to G-d’s commandments That I command you today and the curse will come if you don’t listen to the mitzvoth of G-d and you stray from the path I command you today, (Deuteronomy 11)
In moments of test, a person can choose one of 2 possibilities: to bless and be blessed or to curse and be cursed (G-d forbid). The tests are meant to strengthen our ‘faith muscles’. When we cleave to G-d with simplicity and love without preconditions and questions then we’ll see with our own eyes the salvation of G-d that comes with the blink of an eye!