Relationships

I’ve found the perfect partner. Why should I forego my personal happiness and not intermarry?

11.12.17

Question

I've found the perfect partner. Why should I forego my personal happiness and not intermarry?

Answer

Today, many couples live together without getting married. What pushes most to eventually marry is having children. Most people see the family structure of being married as the best option for their future kids.

Sooner or later the question of how you are going to raise your children is going to arise. Will they be Christian, Jewish, a combination of both or nothing?

If you are like most Jews, the thought of raising your children as Christians probably bothers you. We see our children as extensions of ourselves. There has been a deeply rooted survival mechanism that has been ingrained in every Jew that tells us not to convert to another religion. If becoming a Christian in any way bothers you, you won't want to raise your children to be Christians.

So you probably will want your children to be raised as Jews. Will your partner understand this and agree to this? Many Jews are walking around with a misconception that non-Jews today are flexible when it comes to religion. A recent Gallop Poll showed that 90% of Americans identified with some religion (93% of those that did, identified as being Christians, 2% as being Jewish).

More importantly, how will the children feel about being Jewish when only one of the parents is Jewish? ("Mom, you expect me to go to Hebrew School and have a Bar Mitzvah when you can't even convince Dad to be Jewish?")
 
 

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