Funny Pics

Start the Week with a Smile

– I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
 
– Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool,so I gave him a glass of water.
 
– I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will remind me with, “Your password is incorrect.”
 
– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
 
– I'm great at multi-tasking… I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
 
– If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
 
– Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
 
– Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
 
– Take my advice – I'm not using it.
 
– My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
 
 – I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
 
 – Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
 
 – Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
 
 – I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
 
 
– Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
 
 – I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
 
 – Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
 
 – If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
 
 – A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
 
 – Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
 
 – When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.
 
 – My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver's test… the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
 
 – There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
 
 – Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
 
 – Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
 
 – He who laughs last thinks slowest.
 
 – Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
 
 – Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
 
 – I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
 
 – Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
 – The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.
 
 – I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
 
 – I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
 
 – If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
 
– Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
 
– If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
 
– Money is the root of all wealth.
 
– No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
 

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