Hanukkah Humor: “Laws of Doughnut Consumption”

This advice is offered in response to the many devout Chanukah Doughnut consumers that want to do the mitvzah correctly.

1. Before Chanukah, you should start eating at least 2-3 donuts a day to get your body ready.

2. Once Chanukah starts you must eat as many donuts a day as you light candles. So day 4 would be 4 donuts, day 7 would be 7 doughnuts, you get the idea.

3. If you don't remember how many you ate, eat as many as possible
to make sure you eat the Shiur Hayom  (the amount required for that day)

4. Baked donuts are not counted and should be avoided like Trayf (non-kosher).

5. At least one doughnut a day should have jelly.

6. Most Rishonim (early authorities of Jewish Law) agree that custard and jelly donuts are Mitzvha Min Hamuvchar, the preferred method of doughnut consumption.

7. If you are in middle of eating donuts and you didn't have in mind that it's Leshem Mitzvahs Chanuka for the mitzvah of Chanukah, you're NOT YOTZE, you haven’t fulfilled your obligation! You must now start over again.

8. If you had triple bypass and are told by a physician to avoid donuts, some Poskim law authorities hold you should eat the donuts anyway, and it's your opportunity for Mesiras Nefesh Mammosh, to sacrifice your life for a Mitzvah!

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9. Avoid physical activity on Chanuka. We want the miracle of oils to be visible on you.

10. Please disregard all of the above!


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