Torah Advice for Domestic Harmony

When Eve was created from one of Adam’s ribs, G-d put Adam to sleep beforehand. The world’s first case of general anesthesia! The question is why did Adam need to sleep? G-d could have painlessly taken the rib without putting him to sleep; it would have been a local anesthesia so to speak?

Rashi explains: “So he wouldn’t see his flesh that she was created from and then not treat her respectfully.”

From this answer we learn a big thing: Though a couple wants to be as close as they can to each other it’s healthy for them to maintain boundaries to their openness with each other (this is besides the Halachic distance which must be kept certain times of the month). This is because too much closeness can lower the respect for one another. Therefore these things should be implemented:

1. Whenever possible, spouses should refrain from showing wounds, scabs and other blemishes or embarrassing things to each other.

2. If someone sees a flaw in his/her spouse, just overlook it or ignore it as best as you can; make yourself ‘asleep’ like Adam was. Don’t focus on a flaw in your spouse or even think about it!

The Dubno Maggid, a speaker that would encourage people to improve themselves, was well known for his parables and lessons for life. He told a parable of a brilliant woman with an amazingly kind heart. Her only shortcoming was that she was very ugly. Her friends and matchmakers advised her to marry a blind man who would appreciate her attributes and would notice her one glaring shortcoming. She listened to the advice and married a blind man who was ecstatic with his wife. She was the epitome of intellect and kindness full of countless attributes and there was no one happier than this man. Once an expert doctor came to town and claimed he would be able to make a blind person see. This man went to him, paid him a hefty sum and the doctor actually healed him; he could see. He was glad going home until he saw his wife for the first time and was shocked! He couldn’t take what he saw and his life became bitter.

Sometimes it’s better not to see than to see and be sad…

Encourage your husband to learn Torah

Another wonderful piece of advice for a woman to do is to encourage her husband to learn Torah on a steady basis daily. A man who participates in a daily Torah class learns information, life tools and the strength of character to deal with life’s downtimes that often impact married life. This is besides the halachic obligation for a man to learn Torah every day and the fact a woman gets many spiritual benefits and merits from her husband’s learning and will be able to awaken with the resurrection of the dead.

Besides all the benefits of daily Torah learning which purifies the soul and makes a person a partner in creating the world. There’s the added value of gaining calmness from the day’s pressures and demands and this is a major contributing factor which will improve your domestic harmony. Learning Torah is like a level used in construction helping to level the person’s getting bent out of shape during the day from dealing with the material world and all its temptations. The mind of the Torah learner gets a proper outlook and clear guidance for his character development with the proper balance. He suddenly finds inside him the strengths and the ability to use wondrous tools to deal with the different situations that crop up in daily life to the point that he can attain true domestic harmony and happiness.

Indeed a wife shouldn’t force her husband or dictate to him that he should participate in a Torah class against his will. However she can encourage him with this type of conversation: “I love it when you’re home with me, especially when you help out with the kids and organizing the house but I’ve heard about the amazing merit and uplifting that happens when someone makes time to learn Torah daily. If you’re interested in going to one of the daily classes available I’m fine with that and would and be happy about it!”


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