It’s not anything new that Rabbanit Yamima Mizrachi lifts us out of the deep pits to the highest places no matter what situation we face. It’s also no secret that her clear guidelines to dealing with remaining single, breathe life and new strength into older single women. In one of her recent lectures she spoke of the things to look for before going out on a date and she gave some very vital tips on this matter which we will now see.
Rabbanit Yamima Mizrachi
Before the date: accept that you will focus on the good.
Rabbanit Yamima says that before any date you should accept upon yourself with an ironclad decision not to look for the bad or focus on faults and blemishes even if your heart very much pulls you in that direction. The wisdom here is to find the positive, what you like about him what can work out and not the opposite.
The boy is a sourpuss, stay away!!
The Rabbanit says that when the young man on a date has a happy face it’s an indicator of a kind heart. “You might be his 700,000th date and he may not be smiling just because he met you. It means that if even after all he’s gone through he’s still smiling then he is a caring person. He doesn’t just live for himself rather it’s important to him that you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable and embarrassed just because he’s tired of dating”.
“How do you know if he’s a good man or not? According to his happy countenance or G-d forbid the opposite. The verse in Genesis says: “And the Lord saw that the light was good”. Good is always related to light, the light of one’s face”, says the Rabbanit.
His soul comes out in his speech.
His manner of speech will tell you a lot about him. Is he relaxed or closed in or aggressive, open or closed and suspicious? Pay attention to it all. “If every word of yours gets a “why do you want to know” or an “I see that you mean something hidden” type of response, tell him “my grandmother just passed away, I’ve got to go home”!
In the Torah, Big is beautiful!
Notice the Torah mentions the positive first. (Numbers 13, 19-20) “Is it good or bad? Are the fortresses or open towns? Is it fat or lean?” It also says (Song of Songs 7 3) “your belly is like a pile of wheat surrounded by roses.” Piles of wheat are not small! Wonderful! “Your neck is like an ivory tower”. Great! You can stop taking your spinning classes!
The ideal of beauty in the Torah is big or fat. The large women were given a large dowry and the small skinny women were poor unfortunates!
Appearances do count!
You should try to look presentable and pleasant. Outer appearance is important and you should not neglect yourself. But don’t go overboard either and force yourself to marry someone whose looks repulse you.
“Dor Yesharim” upright generations will be blessed
(Dor Yesharim means “upright generations” and it is also a name of a genetic screening service in Israel.)
The match was finalized and you are looking forward to the wedding? Mazal Tov! But before going any further you should do your final checks according to Rabbanit Yamima. “See the land what it is” (Numbers 13 18) the Rabbanit quotes Rashi on this verse, “You must see if the land grows weak children or strong ones.” The Dor Yesharim genetic testing is very important. You must screen for genetic incompatibilities which can bring untold sorrow of genetic defects and diseases to your future children if you proceed with an incompatible marriage. Genetic testing is very important”.