Why Yitro Was Honored: Wisdom, Family, and the Power of Respectful Advice

The warm and honorable reception accorded to Yitro, by his son-in-law Moshe, the leader of Israel, accompanied by all the elders of Israel, would not have warranted mention in the Torah were it not for the lesson and message embedded within it. It is reasonable to assume that Moshe’s wife and children were also received with warmth and excitement, yet such a reception requires no special emphasis and is therefore not mentioned.

Yitro is accorded honor for two reasons: one personal, and one familial.

The Personal Reason for Yitro’s Honor

Our Sages address the honor given to Yitro in light of the verse, “Honor is the inheritance of the wise.” What, then, was Yitro’s wisdom? Was it merely the fact that he discovered the light of truth in a dark, idolatrous world?

In Pirkei Avot it is taught: “Who is wise? One who learns from every person.” Rabbeinu Yonah of Gerona (c. 1200), in his commentary on Pirkei Avot, explains that true wisdom is not knowledge itself, but rather the desire for knowledge and understanding. The accumulation of information alone does not constitute wisdom — it may simply reflect an exceptional memory. The truly wise individual is one who possesses a love and thirst for wisdom. As a result, such a person continues to learn and is willing to learn from anyone.

Yitro sought wisdom. He did not settle for what was familiar or convenient, but searched and investigated until he arrived at the truth. In doing so, he himself became a vessel of wisdom, and was therefore worthy of honor. This, too, is a message the Torah wished to convey by describing the great respect he received.

Father-in-Law and Son-in-Law

The second reason for Yitro’s honor is learned from the repeated emphasis in the verses: “Yitro, Moshe’s father-in-law.” Yitro is honored by virtue of being Moshe’s father-in-law.

Indeed, the Mechilta cites this encounter as a source for the obligation to honor one’s father-in-law. Some halachic opinions go so far as to state that honoring one’s father-in-law is an obligation, nearly equivalent to honoring one’s own father.

This is a topic many of us encounter in life from different perspectives. Some families enjoy warm, respectful, and supportive relationships between father-in-law and son-in-law, or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law — open, flowing relationships that defy all negative stereotypes.

Others, unfortunately, do not experience such harmony, whether due to fault or circumstance. In such cases, halachic guidance becomes especially important. Not everyone is aware that halacha obligates honoring one’s father-in-law and mother-in-law, as ruled in the Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 240:24).

One of the sources for this obligation is the respectful encounter between Moshe and Yitro described at length in our parashah. Additionally, the halachic authorities cite the fact that King David refers to Shaul as “my father,” because he was married to Shaul’s daughter Michal. Despite the deeply problematic relationship between them — from David wearing Shaul’s armor before battling Goliath, and even more so after the women sang, “Shaul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands” — David nevertheless accords Shaul, his father-in-law, the highest honor by calling him “my father.”

(Incidentally, many people struggle with calling their spouse’s parents “father” or “mother.” Halacha does not require this, but from David we learn that it is legitimate and even praiseworthy, and certainly does not diminish the honor due to one’s biological parents.)

There are differing halachic opinions as to whether the obligation to honor one’s in-laws is biblical or rabbinic in nature, and whether it is identical to the obligation toward one’s own parents. Honoring one’s parents includes not only respectful behavior but also active service — one is fully obligated to assist with their physical needs, as taught in Kiddushin. With regard to in-laws, some hold that the obligation is limited to respectful conduct, such as standing in their presence. Others argue that since “one’s spouse is like oneself,” their parents are considered one’s own parents as well, implying a full obligation of honor that includes service, and possibly even a biblical obligation.

The fact that Moshe, who held the status of a king, honored his father-in-law and even served him at the meal (as stated in the Mechilta), seemingly proves that this is a full obligation. Otherwise, he would not have been permitted to do so, since “a king who waives his honor — his honor is not waived.” (For further discussion, see Mei Be’er on Exodus, Halachic Section, p. 79.)

Beyond obligation, it is important to remember that honoring one’s spouse’s parents honors one’s spouse — and this is a powerful ingredient in a healthy marriage.

Who Wants Advice from Their Father-in-Law?

And yet, some might say, after all this honor comes advice… and perhaps that is precisely the issue. Yitro’s conduct is indeed puzzling: a convert who has only just joined the Jewish people, already offering criticism and suggestions. What led Yitro, the learned former advisor to Pharaoh, to intervene so boldly, both personally and nationally? Why did he see fit to offer advice to Moshe immediately upon arrival, a move that seemingly violates basic etiquette?

Even more surprising is Moshe’s serious consideration of Yitro’s proposal, and the fact that when Moshe later urges Yitro to remain with Israel (in Parashat Beha’alotcha), he describes him as “the eyes of the nation,” saying, “You shall be our eyes.”

Examining Yitro’s history provides the answer. Yitro came from a place of genuine love for Israel. He also came from a place of uncompromising inner truth, that recognizes no boundaries, even at great personal risk.

When someone offering advice meets two criteria:

(1) they love us and are willing to sacrifice for us, and
(2) they are loyal to truth without limitation, even at personal cost

we are prepared to listen without resistance, and even to follow their guidance wholeheartedly.

This offers an important lesson regarding advice from parents. While such advice does not always stem from pure truth, and therefore we may not seek it or always follow it, it is usually offered out of love and good intentions, coupled with experience, which is often genuinely valuable. Therefore, even when we choose not to act upon their suggestions, we should always listen respectfully and receive them with goodwill. Doing so removes one of the most common obstacles in family relationships and significantly enhances marital harmony.

Adapted from the teachings of Rabbi Menachem Jacobson, head of 'Maor Yitzchak' Yeshiva in Moshav Hemed