I Give You Everything, So Why Isn’t It Enough?

“I don’t understand how she can still have complaints about me. I do everything she asks. I see what other men do for their wives, they don’t even do half of that,” Uzi complained.

“I also do what you ask, and even more,” Ziva responded.

“So we’re both giving to each other. What’s the problem? Why are we even here? I feel like you’re just looking for things to argue about all the time,” Uzi continued.

“Uzi, you really do give me a lot, but I feel like you’re not giving me what I actually need,” she said quietly.

“I give you everything you ask for. Is there something you asked for and didn’t get? You want more and more, and I’m ready to give more and more. Another husband would have already broken,” Uzi replied, frustrated.

“You’re not putting your heart into what you do. I can’t even explain it properly. I just feel like I can’t express myself,” Ziva said helplessly.

“I’ll try to help you both understand what’s happening,” I intervened.

Understanding the Driving Force of Partnership

“There is a profound difference between your awareness of the hidden gifts that exist within each of you,” I explained.

“What do you mean?” Uzi asked.

“A woman is connected to Hashem’s blessing of abundance. As part of her core identity, she renews through cycles connected to life itself. A man, on the other hand, is often unaware of the hidden strengths Hashem placed within him. For him, that connection emerges only when he transforms his life force into tools for bonding with the woman beside him.”

“This requires effort, awareness, and the ability to channel strength outward. When a man is unaware of his inner power, it turns inward as ego, pride, and self-focus. This creates a deep disconnection between him and his own essence, and as a result, he may exist in the relationship without truly seeing his wife.”

“To prevent this power from dispersing into personal pleasure, the man must learn to refine and direct it toward his wife’s needs, as he committed in the ketubah, and toward building the family unit.”

“Uzi, you need to develop sensitivity and precision. Without that, your giving remains coarse. Ziva cannot receive it, and an invisible fracture forms in the relationship.”

“So Is Everything My Fault?”

“So what’s Ziva’s role?” Uzi asked sharply. “It feels like I’m the only one responsible for everything going wrong. I’m exhausted from her demands that I be more of a man, that I’m not manly enough.”

“The way a woman experiences her husband’s masculine strength,” I answered, “is only when that strength is transferred from a corrected place.”

“What is my role in all of this?” Ziva asked.

“You need to remove the internal blocks you have toward receiving from Uzi,” I said. “Many of those blocks are understandable, built from disappointment and past pain. But when you are connected to yourself, you can refine his giving instead of shutting it down.”

“This is the gift of femininity in partnership. The ability to sense lack precisely and not give up on connection. When you act from fear of abandonment or the need to be a ‘good woman,’ the relationship becomes based on dependency instead of true receiving.”

“I don’t understand how I feel this way,” Ziva said.

“Uzi gives you a lot,” I answered, “but not what you need. And on top of that, you give back to satisfy him, leaving yourself deeply depleted.”

The Need Beneath the Giving

“But what is it that I’m missing?” she asked.

“You need to feel that Uzi respects you beyond the physical. That he integrates your needs into himself. That he thinks of you before himself, not out of pleasing, but out of devotion.”

“Are you saying that I give and give and it means nothing to her?” Uzi asked, visibly shaken.

“It’s difficult to hear,” I replied, “but it’s like filling a car’s tank with water instead of fuel. You’re putting in effort, but it’s not what the system needs.”

“When your giving comes from devotion, she can receive your strength and use it for renewal and growth.”

Laws of Unity

“Ziva, you need to soften your resistance to receiving, while also demanding that Uzi’s giving come from a corrected place.”

“Uzi, when you begin fueling her correctly, her ability to bring blessing into the home will increase, for the children and for you. When her energies are blocked, those unchanneled forces fracture your inner world.”

“This dynamic reflects laws Hashem placed in creation. True unity must be formed for the Shechinah to dwell between you.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Just wait?” Uzi asked.

“Absolutely not. You have enormous couple energy to fulfill, and Ziva has the tools to help regulate and balance it.”

From Theory to Application

“In Western culture, partnership is often viewed as two individuals keeping score. This leads to resentment and victimhood. What we are discussing is a shared structure, with different roles that must work together.”

Three Practical Ways to Refine Couple Energy

1. Internalizing Existing Desires

“The recurring mistake,” I explained, “is pleasing instead of internalizing.”

“What do you mean?” Uzi asked.

“If Ziva asks to renovate the house, you might say, ‘Tomorrow I’ll bring a contractor.’ But ask yourself why. Is it to be praised, to feel like a good husband, or to be left alone afterward?”

“Do you actually want to renovate?” I asked.

“No,” he admitted. “But if she wants it, I’ll do it.”

“When action contradicts desire, resentment builds. Pleasing widens the gap and deepens Ziva’s sense of lack. This is why women struggle to tolerate pleasing behavior, even if they can’t articulate why.”

“So what’s the right way?” he asked.

“When desire becomes yours by choice, unity forms within you, and your strength aligns with the relationship.”

“Ziva bringing desires is a blessing. It gives you opportunities to create unity. Ziva, bring your needs clearly, and don’t despair when Uzi struggles. Believe that he can grow into this.”

2. Creating New Desires

“When I initiate, you always criticize,” Uzi said. “So I stopped trying.”

“Ziva senses the lack of true unity,” I explained. “She longs for initiative that comes from desire, not obligation.”

“This includes gifts, surprises, meals, trips, attention, and curiosity. These acts awaken new shared desire.”

“Ziva, when Uzi gives from this place, exchanging or rejecting the gift fractures the system. What matters is renewing desire and adding light.”

3. Continuing Interrupted Desires

“I don’t want anything anymore,” Ziva said quietly.

“What do I do then?” Uzi asked.

“Create unity quietly,” I answered. “If she forgot to return milk to the fridge, and you do it while thinking of her, you are continuing her desire.”

“This transforms excess energy into couple energy. It creates unity even without her awareness.”

“This is similar to how parents care for children. It is pure giving.”

The Core of Marriage

“The laws of marriage are different from any other relationship. The emotional needs between man and woman are not symmetrical. Marriage is the deepest place for refining the soul.”