Soulmates, Reincarnation, and Divine Matchmaking: The Zohar on Marriage and Destiny

In order to bring forth souls, the Holy One, blessed be He, forms the pairings of souls Above and then sends and draws the souls down into the world. In this way, there is a bond both Above and below: just as the souls were joined Above before they came into this world, so too, if they merit it, God joins and matches them together below. Through this, the “source” — meaning the supernal and earthly foundation, is blessed through the souls they bring into being. (Zohar, Vayeshev 186; Matok MiDevash pp. 83–84)

How a Person Merits Their True Match from Heaven

Forty days before an embryo is formed, a proclamation goes forth: “The daughter of so-and-so is destined for so-and-so.” For God pairs matches even before they come into this world.

A person’s first match is given like an inheritance — his true spouse, a wise woman who succeeds together with him. But a person only merits the match proclaimed for him if he is worthy according to his deeds. Sometimes, if a person corrupts his ways, God takes his match from him and gives her to another man, until he becomes fit and repairs his deeds.

Sometimes God decrees a set time for a person to correct himself. If he does not repair his deeds within that allotted time, he may miss the opportunity to merit his true match; meanwhile, she is free to marry someone else. When the first man later corrects himself and truly becomes worthy of her, God removes the second husband. This is what the Sages meant when they said that making matches is as difficult as the splitting of the Sea. If a person persists in evil ways, God may arrange for him a bad wife. (Zohar, Vayechi 229; Matok MiDevash p. 533)

Reincarnations of Spouses

Women do not reincarnate on their own (as explained in Sha’ar HaGilgulim, beginning of Introduction 9).

When a righteous man reincarnates in order to complete a mitzvah he lacks, his spouse also reincarnates with him. She accompanies him wherever he reincarnates and in every reincarnation, even if he reincarnates many times. Although the righteous soul may come and go through multiple incarnations, his spouse remains aligned with the same spiritual “standing” as he does in that reincarnation. About this it is said: “A righteous man — and it is good for him,” because his spouse, called “good,” goes out with him into the world, as it says: “He who finds a wife finds good.”

If a righteous man reincarnates but does not merit that his true spouse reincarnate with him, then another woman who is not his true match may be with him — such as if he “seizes” the match of another. About this it is said: “A righteous man — and it is bad for him,” because their union does not go well, since their spiritual level is not matched.

Such a person also cannot become wealthy, because wealth comes through one’s true spouse. Therefore he is in the category of “a righteous man — and it is bad for him,” as the Sages explained: “Whoever pushes the hour (forces the timing) and takes a woman who is not his match, the hour pushes him.” Their match does not succeed, because the attribute called “the hour” did not designate his true spouse for him, and therefore his livelihood is not prepared for him. All of this depends on what he needs to rectify in that incarnation.

Rabbi Elazar asked his father Rabbi Shimon: You said that for a completely righteous man, his true spouse is arranged for him and through her he merits wealth. But Rabbi Pedaṭ was completely righteous — so why was he exceedingly poor? Why was he not born together with his true spouse, “his hour,” his counterpart born under his same “mazal”?

Rabbi Shimon answered: My beloved son — there is an incarnation in which a person is obligated to be born in a “good hour,” together with his counterpart and with wealth — namely, if in his previous incarnation he was also righteous and he returned only to complete a mitzvah. Then he is “a righteous son of a righteous one,” and this obligates that he come with his spouse, with abundance, with health, longevity, good children, and blessing.

But there is also an incarnation that obligates a person not to be born in an hour of abundant livelihood — not to come into the world with his counterpart who channels that abundance, ,even though it is known before God that in this incarnation he will do many merits. He must repair a fault from a previous incarnation, and therefore this is his rectification now. Regarding such matters the Sages taught: children, life, and livelihood do not depend on merit but on mazal — according to the damage caused previously in the supernal channel of influence.

It also explains that each righteous person has “a world of his own”: a righteous soul that reincarnated into many bodies — each body is a world unto itself, containing a portion and a spark of that soul. At resurrection, each body rises with the portion of soul through which it lived and served God in that incarnation, and it receives reward according to its deeds in that specific lifetime. (Tikkunei Zohar, Vol. 3, Tikkun 69; Matok MiDevash pp. 19–22)

The Reincarnations of Adam and Chava

Because Adam sinned, God stripped him and Chava of their spiritual body and garment from the Garden of Eden and expelled them. To punish them, God lowered them into seven “lands” within the earth.

After Adam repented, he cried out and prayed, ascending from land to land until he rose to Tevel — our world. Still, Adam and Chava remained “naked,” without spiritual clothing, until their rectification through the Patriarchs.

How did God rectify Adam and Chava? He brought Adam in reincarnation as Avraham, and Chava as Sarah. God refined him like silver in a furnace: silver mixed with lead, the waste. When placed in fire, the silver is purified and the impurities are separated outward.

So too, Adam who was reincarnated in Avraham, was purified, and the impurity was separated from him. This was Yishmael, identified as the “impurity” that the serpent cast into Eve, which Adam later received through his union with Chava.

Afterward, Chava reincarnated in Yitzchak — Adam’s counterpart, and Yitzchak was refined through the “fires of judgment,” separating the impurity outward. This was Esav, called “the red one,” like red blood of slaughter. And because the feminine aspect (Chava) was reincarnated with Yitzchak, Yitzchak is associated with the left side and Gevurah.

Afterward, Adam and Chava both reincarnated in Yaakov and his spouse, producing holy seed.

About these three reincarnations of Adam through the three Patriarchs it says: “Behold, all these does God do—twice, three times—with a man.” These three cycles were necessary for the rectification of Adam and Chava. (Zohar Chadash, Yitro 42, Vol. 2; Matok MiDevash pp. 87–89)

A Woman Whose Two Husbands Died: Struggles Between Souls

Regarding a widow who remarried: when the second husband draws his spirit into her (during marital union), the first husband’s spirit prosecutes and quarrels with the second husband’s spirit, and they cannot settle together. If the second is more worthy and fitting, the first spirit departs from her.

In Yevamot (64b) we learn that if a woman’s two husbands died, no one should marry her thereafter, because the Angel of Death has strengthened its grip around her. It may also be that the first husband’s spirit was her true match. How would we know? The fact that the first husband’s spirit overcame the second’s suggests that another man should not involve himself.

Therefore, one who marries a widow is likened to someone who boards a ship at sea while the winds are raging and without oars — he does not know whether he will pass safely or drown in the depths. Anyone who enters a place of danger should weigh his merits and whether he is worthy of rescue.

This matter is deep and filled with hidden teachings. (Zohar, Mishpatim 102; Matok MiDevash pp. 413–415)

Matchmaking and the Power of Thoughts During Conception

How are human beings different from a horse or a mule? By sanctifying themselves in the holiness of marital relations at fitting times, not simply whenever physical craving awakens. A person should have a set time, a fixed rhythm, so that at that time they can direct their will to cleave to God, not to the lust of the evil inclination.

At midnight, God enters the Garden of Eden to delight with the righteous — it is an hour of favor to cleave to God and the holy Shechinah. Those who study Torah at midnight join the Shechinah in praising the Holy King. The midnight of weekday nights is also a time of favor to sanctify marital union in holiness and to direct one’s will to cleave to God during the act. (Zohar, Tazria 49; Matok MiDevash pp. 723–725)

When the Moment of Conception Shapes a Person’s Life

A union that occurs on weekdays influences the nefesh, ruach, and neshamah in a mode of “work” and subjection — helping a person in material pursuits and the labors of the week. It can also carry subjection to suffering, illness, poverty, wandering, turmoil, and vulnerability to being harmed by coarse actions. Therefore such a soul may reincarnate multiple times until it is repaired.

By contrast, a union that occurs on Shabbat draws the nefesh from the world of Atzilut. A person who merits a nefesh of Atzilut — even if he reincarnates, has no subjection to sin or labor; rather, he is completed through Torah and mitzvot. He is assured not to sin; and if he begins to sin, his higher soul departs so it will not be soiled. Such a person reincarnates only once without toil; and if he is not repaired in that lifetime, he will not reincarnate again but will receive purification through Gehinnom. (Zohar, Mishpatim 94; Matok MiDevash p. 323)

The Process of Soul-Matching

All spirits and souls that emerge from Above, from the source of souls, emerge in pairs: a male soul and a female soul. But when they descend to this world to be clothed in bodies, they separate and are born in two different places.

Sometimes the female soul descends first, before the male soul who is her true counterpart. Until the time comes for the true match to marry her, another man who is not her match may marry her. When the time arrives for her true match to marry her, but she is already married to someone else, what does God do?

When judgment awakens in the world to reckon with the sins of the generation, it gathers the soul of the other man if he is guilty, and he dies before his time. Then the true match comes and takes his spouse. About this the Sages said: “Matches are difficult before the Holy One, blessed be He, like the splitting of the Sea,” because sometimes one person must be pushed aside or even removed, for another.

And if that man was not guilty, he may still be taken at that time, “swept away without judgment,” because the attribute of justice — connected to divine sovereignty, has arrived at the time of the true match.

Rabbi Elazar asked Rabbi Shimon: Why should the man who is not her match die? Let God bring about a divorce instead, and then the true match can marry her. Rabbi Shimon answered: this is a kindness God does for the man, so he will not see his wife in the hands of another.

However, if the true match is not upright in his deeds — even if she is truly his, God does not push aside the current husband for him.

He brings a proof: kingship belonged to David, yet Shaul reigned until David’s time arrived; when David’s time came, Shaul’s soul was gathered and David took what was his. Why was Shaul not simply removed from the throne without death? The answer given is that it was a kindness that Shaul died while still king, so he would not see his servant ruling over him and taking what was his.

The same is true here. One who married another’s true match — when the other’s time arrives, it is better that he die than see his wife with another. Therefore, when a person marries, he should beg mercy from God that he be given his true match, so he will not be pushed aside before another. (Zohar, Vayeilech 283; Matok MiDevash pp. 349–352)

How Can One Man Marry Another Man’s Spiritual Match?

Rabbi Abba asked Rabbi Shimon: Bat-Sheva was destined to be David’s match from the day the world was created — so why was she given first to Uriah the Hittite?

Rabbi Shimon answered: thus are God’s ways in the secret of reincarnation. Even when God appoints a woman for a man to be his, sometimes, because of the man’s sins, another man, in divine mercy, precedes him and marries her, until the time arrives for her true match to take what is his.

When the true match repents and his time arrives, the other man is pushed aside and departs from the world. It is difficult before God to remove him before his time for the sake of another. This is how it works among ordinary people. But in the case of Bat-Sheva, she was first given to Uriah in order to separate out an evil portion, so that only the good would remain when David married her. (Zohar, Noach 73; Matok MiDevash p. 165; see also Sanhedrin 107)