Winter Depression in Mothers: Why It Happens and How to Regain Energy and Joy

I am 32 years old, a mother of six children ranging in age from one to nine. As winter approaches, I begin to feel anxious, because winter negatively affects my mood. I become depressed and have no desire to get out of bed in the morning. I force myself to function, but I do everything without any motivation. Sometimes I really have to gather strength just to cook, do laundry, clean, and help the children with their homework. I simply have no desire to do anything. I feel closed in and suffocated at home.

In the past, I worked as a clerk and went out of the house every day for about five hours. Back then, I did not suffer from any of the symptoms I mentioned, until the birth of my fifth child. Three years ago, I stopped working outside the home, because after paying for a babysitter and daycare, it was hardly worthwhile financially. I also thought that staying home would allow me to devote myself fully to my children. Indeed, during the summer, when I go out more, I feel good and satisfied with my decision to be a full-time homemaker and mother. But when winter arrives and my mood drops, I begin to think that my decision to stop working outside the home was a mistake. I remember how I felt last winter and become filled with worry.

Is this a known phenomenon? And how can one get out of it?

Thank you,
Devorah

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Dear Devorah,

People can generally be divided into two types: summer types and winter types. There are people who actually feel better in winter — the cold does not bother them, they thrive, are active, and function more efficiently during this season. For them, the heat of summer is what causes discomfort and lowers their functioning.

In contrast, summer types, feel good in the summer and function well then. In winter, they withdraw inward, their level of activity decreases, and so does their mood. The gray skies, gloominess, rain, cold, and being closed inside the house all have a negative impact on their emotional state.

Many people suffer from low mood and melancholy during the winter months. The question is where they fall on the mood spectrum, which ranges from very low to good.

If someone is in a very low mood most of the time, they need help. If their mood dips only briefly during the day, for example, when they wake up in the morning, and they quickly recover and get going, then everything is fine. But when the feeling is intense and prolonged, it can be defined as “winter depression.”

This condition affects both men and women, though more women than men — likely due to hormonal sensitivity and also because women tend to spend more time at home. Apparently, winter depression is also connected to prolonged time spent indoors.

In northern countries, where daylight hours are much shorter in winter, this phenomenon is more common.

The Biological Explanation

The explanation for this phenomenon is biological. There is a hypothesis that sunlight has a biochemical effect on the brain, and in its absence, changes occur in brain activity that lead to feelings of gloom and low mood. Everything appears gray, colorless, and lifeless. Even small tasks feel like major efforts. One must summon all available energy just to cook or perform routine daily activities. Sometimes there is a desire to sleep all day, and at other times, paradoxically, it is difficult to fall asleep.

It does seem, Devorah, that you are experiencing this phenomenon. However, in my opinion, there is no reason for alarm. You continue to take responsibility for yourself and your household — you function, cook, do laundry, and clean — only everything happens slowly and with great effort.

In more severe cases, which include neglect of personal care or neglect of household responsibilities, it is advisable to consult a family doctor or a specialist. In your case, it appears that you have the ability and the tools to help yourself.

You mentioned that when you worked outside the home, you did not feel as bad during the winter. It may be worth considering returning to work, even if it is not financially worthwhile. Sometimes secondary gains are just as important as financial ones. It has been shown that working outside the home has a positive effect on a woman’s sense of self-worth and personal well-being. Interaction with people and the satisfaction derived from work add interest to life and provide a sense of freshness and change. This variety may be especially important for you during the winter. Therefore, it is worth considering this factor in addition to the financial one.

Practical Steps to Improve Your Mood

If returning to work is not an option, it is important to allow yourself to leave the house regularly for fresh air. On a sunny day, take the baby for a walk instead of staying indoors. On a rainy day, initiate a visit to a family member, friend, or neighbor, or invite them over to you.

Even so, since you spend most of the day at home, I recommend that in the evening — despite your fatigue, you leave the house at least twice a week (for a class, a lecture, or a social visit). Simply going out of the house will help you.

Physical activity is a powerful antidepressant. Do not allow yourself to sink into self-pity. Begin physical activity immediately: a few exercise movements each morning will stimulate blood circulation and bring a refreshing breeze into your body. Swimming once or twice a week or joining a fitness class can also help. If these options are not available, a brisk half-hour walk each day is excellent for improving mood and overall well-being.

Today, there is increasing awareness of the connection between body and mind and the effect of physical activity on emotional health. A study demonstrated this connection clearly: people who sought psychological treatment were told they would need to wait about three months due to a long waiting list. In the meantime, they were instructed to exercise three times a week as a condition for eventually receiving therapy. After three months, most of them withdrew their request for psychological treatment because their condition had improved, and they no longer felt the need for it.

So, Devorah, a daily half-hour brisk walk can help you greatly. It is best to do it with a friend to make it more motivating and more enjoyable.

In addition, brighten your home with strong lighting, even during daylight hours. Studies have found that people exposed to light similar to daylight recovered from winter depression.

Emotional Support and Inner Care

Enlist the help of your household members. When your mood improves, theirs will too. Do not withdraw into yourself. It is important that you feel comfortable expressing your feelings to someone close — your husband, mother, sister, or a friend — someone who will make you feel understood and will not respond with criticism. Your environment should avoid responses such as:

• “Nonsense, why are you making a big deal out of this?”

• “You still have complaints?”

You do not need criticism right now. You need support, understanding, consideration, and attention. Try to recruit your surroundings to be on your side. Even if it is not easy, do not retreat inward and do not give up as this will only worsen the harm to yourself and your family. In contrast, mobilizing close people to provide real support will help you emerge from the gloomy mood, even while the rain continues to fall and the skies remain overcast.

Finally, Devorah, practice a short relaxation exercise twice a day. At the end of it, imagine yourself on a beautiful, sunny summer day, spending time in nature that you love. Stay with this image for as long as you can. Imagery has tremendous power — it connects you to the state you imagine, and your brain, which at that moment is in an alpha-wave state, will experience the image as if it were real. In this way, your mood will improve as though you were actually outdoors on a pleasant summer day.

If you learn to give yourself all that we have discussed, you will emerge from the gloomy mood and feel refreshed, joyful, and full of energy. Even if the weather outside remains gray, sad, and cold, inside, it will be pleasant, warm, and good.

Wishing you a healthy winter.

Henia Luberbaum is a Clinical Social Worker, Therapist, and Director of Magen