Yahrzeit Observance Explained: Dates, Customs, Candles, Kaddish, and Fasting

Rabbi Yosef Chaim (the Ben Ish Chai) writes (Year One, Parashat Vayechi, 14): “Know that the meaning of yahrzeit is simply the day of passing, in the Ashkenazic language. Sephardim, too, have adopted this term in their books. It is not an acronym, nor does it contain any hidden allusion, as some people mistakenly think.”

Twelve Months

The true memorial during the first year is at the completion of twelve months, which is the actual anniversary, and not at eleven months alone.

Date of Death vs. Date of Burial

If a person passed away and was not buried on the same day, the yahrzeit is set according to the date of death, not the date of burial, both in the first year and in subsequent years. Those who follow the custom in the first year to observe it by the burial date have valid halachic support.

Leap Year

If the year following the passing is a leap year (with two months of Adar), the memorial is not held at the completion of twelve months, even though mourning ends then, but rather at the completion of thirteen months, which is the actual anniversary. If possible, it is good to mark both dates with Torah study and words of inspiration, to increase merit for the departed.

For example, if someone passed away on the 19th of Av, and the following year is a leap year, the twelve months end on the 19th of Tammuz. Nevertheless, the main memorial is on the 19th of Av, the true date of passing.

Passing in Adar

If someone passed away in Adar during a regular year, then in a leap year the yahrzeit is observed in Adar II. If the passing occurred in a leap year, then if it was in Adar I, the yahrzeit is in Adar I; if in Adar II, it is in Adar II.

Passing at Twilight

If the passing occurred at bein hashmashot (twilight, between sunset and nightfall), which is halachically uncertain whether it is day or night, the yahrzeit is fixed according to the daytime date, not the following night.

Passing on the 30th of the Month

If someone passed away on the 30th of a month, and the following year that month has only 29 days, the memorial is observed on the first day of the next month. This situation applies only to Cheshvan and Kislev, whose lengths vary.

Time Zone Differences

If a person passed away at night in Israel, while it was still daytime where the mourners live abroad, some establish the yahrzeit according to the place of death, and others according to the place of the mourners. Both customs have halachic support. It is best to engage in Torah study, charity, and repentance on both dates.

Unknown Date of Passing

If one does not know the date of passing, he may choose any day during the year to observe the memorial with study, Kaddish, and memorial prayers.

If the Yahrzeit Was Forgotten

If one forgot to observe the yahrzeit or recite Kaddish on the correct day, he may do so the next day or on any later day. From then on, he should be careful to observe it on the actual anniversary.

Practices for the Yahrzeit

Kaddish

The custom in later years is to begin reciting Kaddish after Bameh Madlikin on the Friday night of the week in which the yahrzeit occurs, and to continue until the yahrzeit day itself. This practice greatly benefits the soul, whose primary elevation occurs on Shabbat.

Neglecting to recite Kaddish according to custom is considered a disrespect to one’s parents.

Maftir

Receiving the Maftir aliyah is especially beneficial for the soul of the departed, provided one knows how to read the Haftarah properly. Therefore, it is good to receive Maftir on the Shabbat closest to the yahrzeit. If the yahrzeit falls on Shabbat, and it is possible, one may receive Maftir both on the preceding Shabbat and on the Shabbat of the yahrzeit itself, though the latter is primary.

Memorial Gathering

On the yahrzeit, Torah study should be held, and Torah scholars should be invited to speak words of Torah and inspiration.

Memorial Candle

It is an important custom to light a memorial candle on the yahrzeit and to state verbally that it is being lit for the elevation of the soul of the departed. Even if the yahrzeit falls on a festival, one may light the candle from an existing flame, preferably in a synagogue. It is also customary to light memorial candles on Yom Kippur.

One candle suffices for multiple departed souls, as the Sages said, “A candle for one is a candle for a hundred.”

Oil or Electric Candle

Ideally, the memorial candle should be lit with olive oil or wax. If that is not possible, an electric candle may be used. Supporting the electricity of Torah study halls is considered an even greater merit for the soul. Since one may fulfill the obligation of Shabbat candles with electric light, one may certainly fulfill the custom of a memorial candle in this way.

Study

It is customary to visit the grave and recite Tehillim, Mishnah, and similar texts, preferably with a quorum so that Kaddish may be recited afterward.

Festivals

If the yahrzeit falls during Chol HaMoed, Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah, or Purim, one should not visit the cemetery if it will lead to mourning and lamentation. If one knows it will not, it is permitted.

Torah Study Priority

If visiting the cemetery would cause significant neglect of Torah study, one may refrain, provided this does not lead to dispute, as peace is paramount.

How Many Years Is a Yahrzeit Observed?

Rabbi Isaac Luria (the Arizal) taught that the yahrzeit for parents should be observed every year, even after one hundred years. Each year, the departed soul is judged again in relation to the deeds of the children. If they walk in God’s ways, the soul ascends to higher levels; if not, the opposite may occur.

Rabbi Yosef Chaim writes that there is no limit to the years of observing a yahrzeit. Even if a child lives one hundred years after the passing of a parent, he must continue to observe the memorial with Kaddish, candle lighting, charity, and Torah study, according to his ability. The soul ascends gradually over time, and each good deed of the child continues to benefit it.

On the night of the first yahrzeit, one should not attend festive meals such as weddings. In subsequent years, this is permitted.

Fasting on the Yahrzeit

Reasons for Fasting

Some have the custom to fast on the yahrzeit of a parent. Reasons include remembrance of sorrow, assisting the soul’s elevation, prompting repentance and spiritual growth, and protecting the child, as the day may be considered one of diminished fortune.

Accepting the Fast

One who fasts must formally accept the fast during the afternoon prayer of the preceding day, like any personal fast.

Leap Year

In a leap year, the fast is observed at the end of thirteen months, on the true anniversary. Fasting at twelve months is a mistake.

“Without a Vow”

One should state at the outset that the custom is undertaken “without a vow,” so that it may later be discontinued without annulment.

A Weaker Generation

In later generations, many do not fast due to physical weakness. Certainly, the departed soul prefers increased Torah study, charity, and good deeds instead.

Torah Scholars

Those engaged in Torah study should not fast if it weakens their ability to learn. Instead, they should eat and engage in a “fast of speech,” focusing on uninterrupted Torah learning, which is of greater merit.

A Full Day of Torah

Rabbi Akiva Eiger instructed his children not to fast on yahrzeits, but instead to learn Torah continuously day and night. Many follow this custom, dedicating the entire day to Torah study, sometimes even hiring scholars to learn throughout the day and night, bringing great satisfaction to the soul of the departed.

Teachers of Children

Teachers of young children should not fast, as this diminishes their sacred work.

When the Yahrzeit Falls on Friday or Shabbat

If the yahrzeit falls on Friday, one must fast until nightfall unless a condition was made in advance. If it falls on Shabbat, when fasting is forbidden, some fast on Sunday, and others on the preceding Thursday. In all cases, the memorial and Torah study on Shabbat should not be omitted.