The Power of Respect: Honoring Others, Gratitude, and Humility in Jewish Ethics

1. The Severity of Disparaging Others

“Our Sages, of blessed memory, said (Avot 4:3): Do not despise any person, for there is no one who does not have his hour. They meant that even a lowly convert should not be demeaned or cursed, for their kingship comes after their leader (Pesachim 113a). All the more so with a Jew — one must not demean any fellow Jew, for man was created in the image of God. One who demeans a Jew is as if he demeans the Divine Presence, Heaven forbid. As our Sages said (Sanhedrin 58b): One who strikes the cheek of his fellow is as if he struck the cheek of the Divine Presence. There is no place for demeaning any Jew.”

2. How Should a Person Relate to Himself?

“As we wrote above regarding love of others: a person should demean only himself. It is fitting that he be lowly in his own eyes, despised, aware of and recognizing his own flaws and blemishes. Yet the way of the world is the opposite: a person sees all blemishes except his own (Nega’im 2:5). One tends to search for his fellow’s faults and immediately judge him unfavorably, while for himself he finds forty-nine arguments to declare the impure pure — so that it seems to him that his deeds are pure and upright, with none like him in the land.”

3. How Should One Treat Others?

“This is not the straight path. Rather, a person of integrity should judge everyone favorably and search diligently to find fault within himself. If he did even a small wrong, whether between himself and God or between himself and others, he should magnify it in his own eyes and not seek to minimize it. As the masters of ethics wrote: one should not look at the quantity of the transgression, but at the greatness of the King who commanded it. For over any matter of wrongdoing, however slight, a person is called a rebel against the King of Glory.”

4. “Everything Should Seem Small in His Eyes”

“Even if one learned much Torah and achieved greatly, excelling in mitzvot and good deeds, everything should appear small in his eyes compared to the greatness of his obligation, according to his understanding and ability, and compared to his limited worth and limited care to perform matters properly, with intention, awe, love, and great joy as the law requires. Therefore, he should always say with mouth and heart aligned: I have done no good deed.”

5. What Should He Think to Avoid Arrogance?

“And especially when people honor him mistakenly, he must strengthen himself not to become arrogant. At that moment he should say in his heart: I know myself; I am unworthy. Even if he has mitzvot and good deeds, he should always fear that the loss may outweigh the praise.”

6. Why Is It So Important to Preserve Human Dignity?

“Our Sages said (Ta’anit 20b): one must not behave with contempt toward any person in the world, for all are the handiwork of the Creator of all. Everything the Holy One, blessed be He, created in His world, He created only for His honor.”

7. How Should One Act When He Is Insulted?

“If others demean him, he should not take offense at all nor enter into strife. Rather, he should humble himself and say: This is a sign that I am despicable before the Creator because of my sins, and He sent this person to insult me, for the Lord told him to curse. On the other hand, his heart should rejoice, for God desires to humble him with light afflictions like these — without financial loss, to erase transgression and complete atonement. It is a great honor from Heaven, provided he accepts them with love and rejoices in such afflictions. Our Sages said (Gittin 36b) that about such people Scripture states (Shoftim 5:31): Those who love Him are like the sun going forth in its might.”

8. The Trait of Gratitude

“All the more so must one be careful not to be ungrateful and not to demean a person from whom he received any benefit — however small, under any circumstances. Moshe our teacher did not strike the Nile because it saved him, as it is written (Shemot 2:3): She placed it among the reeds on the bank of the Nile. Nor did he strike the dust of the earth, because he benefited from it when he buried the Egyptian there.

All the more so, a person who intentionally benefited him must be loved forever. Even if his fellow strikes him, he should guard his spirit and do all that is incumbent upon him, not saying: As he did to me, so will I do to him, for that would be a transgression. He would lose much good thereby. Rather, he should sit alone and be silent, for he takes upon himself and receives great reward. Not only should he be silent, but he should not even take offense, since he is lowly in his own eyes, and his soul should be like dust, until honor and disgrace are equal in his eyes. This is the trait of equanimity; fortunate is one who reaches it, for there is no better trait.”

9. How Can One Remove Resentment from the Heart?

“They told of one of the pious who was asked on which day of his life he experienced the greatest joy. He replied that bodily pleasures are no cause for joy, for all is vanity of vanities; even what one thinks is good may be bad, and what one thinks is bad may be good. If there is joy, it is in the good of the soul. And if one cannot restrain himself from resentment in spirit, at least he can restrain himself in words. This is what the commentators (Ibn Ezra) explained on the verse (Tehillim 131:2): Surely I have stilled and quieted my soul. If I have not reached equanimity, at least I quiet myself until my mind settles into pure thoughts to remove resentment from my heart entirely, and then joy and gladness will be attained.”

10. The Severity of Disrespecting One’s Parents

“All the more so must one be careful and guarded against demeaning those to whom he owes honor, such as his father and mother. For it is written (Devarim 27:16): Cursed is one who degrades his father or mother. The decisors wrote that although our Sages said (Kiddushin 32a) that a father may forgo his honor, that applies only to honor — not to humiliation. Woe to rebellious children who treat their parents with contempt and make them grind their teeth. Woe to the children on the Day of Judgment and the Day of Rebuke.”

11. The Severity of Disparaging Torah Scholars

“So too with one who disparages his teachers. One who disparages a Torah scholar is liable to excommunication. The Talmud says (Sanhedrin 100a): How far does the disparagement of a Torah scholar extend? Even saying these rabbis. All the more so if one speaks errantly about them. One must be extremely careful when writing about the words of our holy Sages of earlier generations, whose smallest finger was thicker than our loins. When one does not understand their words, he should believe with perfect faith that if it seems empty to him, it is because we have not reached the depth of their understanding. They are our teachers, from whose waters we drink and by whose mouths we live. Therefore, one must be exceedingly careful to write of their words with great respect, like a student presenting before his teacher from the ground; always envision the author standing before him; recognize his place; feel shame and trembling; and beware their embers lest he be burned.”

12. Care with the Honor of Parents