Breaking Free from Internal Bondage: Lessons from the Weekly Torah Portions

The Torah portions guide us on how to break free from inner bondage, the kind that we sometimes impose on ourselves.

Self-Imposed Bondage

At times, you might beat yourself up, enslave yourself, worry more than necessary (if at all), choose to be hurt instead of rising up, take on physical tasks while your body is already in pain, lament the past, and dwell on mistakes.

All of these are signs of enslavement, and, with God’s help, you can overcome them once you decide to leave your personal "Egypt."

Act Quickly

Once you've decided to leave, do so immediately, with haste!

This is important because a large part of you doesn't truly want to leave; it has become accustomed to being there, in the depths of complaints and constant self-pity.

I’ve met many women who told me, “If I show him that ‘I’m okay,’ he won’t understand that he needs to be here for me... He’ll tell me ‘figure it out on your own.’”

The Desire for Attention Behind Enslavement

Sometimes, behind the mask of "slavery," there’s a desire for a little attention.

Yet, you know that living in that cycle, within the "Pharaoh" that creates those "poor me" moments, doesn’t work, because it only amplifies the frustrating cycle that leads to lack of motivation, division, and feelings of separation.

Count to Ten

One of the plagues in the era of Ikveta d'Mashicha (the footsteps of the Mashiach) is a combination of darkness and locusts in our relationships, especially within the family. Both parenting and marital relationships often find themselves in a state of bondage. Instead of breaking free from this state through counseling, support, and other possibilities, the weight becomes heavier and another strike comes, darkening even the marital connection.

One partner blames the other: “It’s all because of your upbringing...”

The Torah portion of Bo teaches us that there is no choice — we must leave Egypt in haste!

"And the Lord said to Moshe, ‘Go to Pharaoh, for I have hardened his heart.’” Moshe here represents the parents, leaders, and educators of the generation. God says to him, "Go to Pharaoh for I have hardened his heart." That is to say, when you see your child in trouble, slipping spiritually or emotionally, even if they are rebellious, take a deep breath, count to ten before reacting, and approach them. Come down to their level, because even their situation is part of a process that comes from God. They are not to blame; they are like a captured child, forced, helpless, controlled. They don’t want to harm anyone, but they themselves feel lost and uncertain. Their external changes in behavior are a reflection of inner instability.

The Power of Patience and Understanding

The child needs a “process” to leave Egypt (to return to repentance). Try to listen to their heart, don’t hurt them or belittle them, but instead give them security, kind words, and encouragement.

More importantly, as parents, don’t blame yourselves, and don’t add another strike that will darken the peace in your home. Instead, take action to protect your home.

"Take and bring for yourselves" — remove the bitterness and focus on something good in your child. Look for something positive, focus on it, and begin to rebuild trust.

The Darkness and the Light

The Talmud (Mechilta) teaches: "There was darkness, thick darkness over all the land of Egypt for three days. No one saw anyone, and no one rose from their place for three days; but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings."

“When no one saw anyone” — when Pharaoh takes control of the soul, separation begins. Notice how many children feel lost in darkness, living in loneliness, each with their phone, messages, and statuses. Everyone is busy with themselves alone.

The Midrash Rabbah asks: “Where did that darkness come from?” Rabbi Yehuda answers, “From the darkness above” (Shemot Rabbah 14). Above, there is such great light, but some cannot accept it, and for them, that light itself is darkness. For example, Shabbat is a great light, but there are those who cannot feel Shabbat because they are in a "Pharaoh" state of mind.

The Importance of Positive Reinforcement in Parenting

"Train a child according to his way." This is not just a recommendation, but it is our duty to make an effort. Just as many different branches emerge from the same trunk, every child is born with their own nature and traits that are unique to them. Each child is a musical creation in themselves, and the parent must recognize the right notes to guide them on the best path.

A parent’s role is to peel away the heavy heart and turn it into a pure heart, a heart that learns to love. We must help the child leverage the potential God has placed within them.

You cannot change a child's character through criticism or force, but through gentleness, personal example, and of course, the power of prayer.

Just as you cannot extract plum juice from an orange, you cannot take from your child something that goes against their natural traits. A child born with slowness, clumsiness, indifference, or shyness can work on improving their performance by building self-esteem and confidence. If you pressure them or have them live under criticism, they will only become more withdrawn and entangled. A parent should find the charm in their child’s positive qualities and enhance them! By helping them believe in the good within, their self-image will improve, which will directly influence their mood, and their actions will become more positive.

Trust in the Process of Change

As the Netivot Shalom writes: “One who has never been accustomed to spiritual light and seeks physical pleasures, for him, spiritual light is a difficult suffering.” On the other hand, for the children of Israel, who prepared themselves “in their dwellings,” who wanted to leave Egypt in all their deeds, in their coming and going, that light was great and new.

When a person is disconnected from the true light, they are in a "night situation." The sages say that night is a time of danger, when the forces of darkness take control of the mind. Such a person is filled with sadness and frustration. To break free from Egypt, you must believe that change is possible! "If you believe it’s possible to destroy, believe it’s possible to fix" (Rabbi Nachman of Breslov).