The Gift of Life: Two Women's Journey to Kidney Donation

Sarah Shapira will never forget the moment that changed her life. It was late at night after a long, exhausting day filled with a full-time job, caring for her beloved children, and attending several weddings and events she couldn't miss. The fatigue almost overwhelmed her, until the phone rang. "We need to find a kidney donor for Tali!" Rabbi Yeshayahu Haber’s voice shouted urgently through the other end, "This is an emergency."

"In that moment, I felt my heart constrict like never before," Sarah recalls. "The words 'emergency situation' echoed in my ears, and I screamed the loudest scream of my life. My husband immediately woke up, saw me pale and trembling, and I agreed with the rabbi that, yes, tomorrow at 9 AM I would go for tests at Beilinson Hospital, and in two days, I would participate in a committee at the Ministry of Health to determine if I was indeed eligible to donate a kidney to Tali, who, as I was told, was in critical condition."

A Heartfelt Act of Kindness

If you thought Sarah knew Tali well or that she was a close family member, you would be surprised to learn this was not the case. Aside from the name "Tali" and the fact that she was a young woman suffering from a serious illness that affected her kidneys, Sarah knew very little about her. What she did know however, was that she wanted to help and donate a kidney voluntarily.

What drives a woman in the middle of her life to make such a significant decision?

"For me, it all started about fourteen years ago," Sarah explains. "A good friend of mine suffered from kidney failure and was in a very bad state. She openly shared her illness with me and even mentioned she was waiting for a kidney donation. Only now do I realize that she was trying to hint that maybe I could help her, but I didn’t pick up on the hint. At that time, I had no awareness of this issue. I didn’t understand that this could be relevant to me, and that I could help save a life. Years passed, and about two years ago, I came across an article about the Matnat Chaim organization led by Rabbi Haber. I also saw that the newspaper mentioned they were looking for a kidney donor for a girl from Jerusalem. My daughters were with me, and one of them said she knew this girl, and suddenly everything became personal and closer. In the end, I donated my kidney to another girl, not the one who appeared in the ad, but that was the initial push for me."

Sarah adds, "Throughout the process, I read a lot of materials on the subject and testimonials from people who had donated. I strongly identified with them and felt how this was simply the right thing for me. One donor, a woman from the United States, shared that she was a career woman working full-time at a bank. Over the years, she felt guilty because, due to her work, she didn’t do kindness like her neighbors – she almost never hosted for Shabbat, didn’t bake cakes for bar mitzvahs, and didn’t volunteer in hospitals. Suddenly, when she donated her kidney, she felt: 'Here, I’ve done all my kindness in one go.' I read her words and completely identified with them. I, too, had always lived with the same guilt, and now I wanted to do real kindness. I also remember that she honestly mentioned she felt more pressure when she had 15 guests for Shabbat than the pressure she had before going into surgery, and that resonated with me. Apparently, donors are made of similar stuff, and we’re stressed about different things."

The Next Step: Medical and Emotional Support

The next step was when Sarah contacted Rabbi Haber, who sent her for various tests to confirm her health status (to donate a kidney, one must be healthy and have no familial risk factors) as well as to assess her seriousness (many people inquire about donation but, at an early stage, reveal a lack of commitment when they don’t find time for necessary tests).

In Sarah’s case, all the tests were completely normal, and after a period of inquiries, consultations, and reading on the topic, she gave her consent to donate a kidney and entered the organization's donor registry.

A Special Opportunity for Giving

Sarah Shapira is not the only one who made such a significant, life-altering decision. According to the data from the Matnat Chaim organization, hundreds of individuals have donated kidneys voluntarily through the organization, without any familial connection to the recipient, with the vast majority of donors being women.

Tami Neiman, a young woman and mother from Ramat Shlomo who also donated a kidney voluntarily, says, "Two and a quarter years ago, I donated my kidney, and the most common question I heard since then was, 'Aren’t you worried this might affect your health? You’re a young woman and want to continue having children and raising a family.'"

Wasn’t there any fear?

"Yes, that was my main concern at the time, because I knew my immediate family comes before anyone else. At that time, I had six children, and it was clear to me that I wanted to have more children, with Hashem’s help, and I would never take this step if it would put my future pregnancies or my children at risk. I thoroughly researched the subject and read many professional studies done in various countries and hospitals around the world. All the studies showed that, statistically, a person living with one kidney, regardless of the reason, does not have a significantly greater risk of any disease than someone with two kidneys. The only minor risk for women is about a 1.3% increase in complications before childbirth. That didn’t scare me. I told myself that bringing a child into the world comes with so many risks, and yet we don’t think about it, we place our trust in Hashem. This small percentage wasn’t going to make me back out of the donation. Indeed, just over a year after the surgery, I was blessed to hold my seventh child, and everything went well, even without the need for special follow-up."

Confidence in Her Decision

Sarah Shapira admits that, as a mother of a large family, she was concerned that living with one kidney might affect her functioning at home or add health risks. "I kept wondering to myself, 'What if one day, God forbid, someone in my family needs a kidney donation, or what if something happens to me because of this?' I feared there was an element of irresponsibility in my decision, but I had a very strong belief that there is Someone running the world, and if He decided that something should happen to me in the future, then that’s how it’s meant to be. After all, no one has insurance on any organ, and anything can happen. Besides, I felt that there had to be a greater meaning to the fact that Hashem granted me health, both physically and spiritually, and that my children were healthy and whole. This meaning had to be something greater than just making lunch for them every day and helping with their homework. I decided I was 'going for it,' and once I did the tests and they came out 100% clear, it was clear to me that I was about to become the messenger for bringing life into the world."

Tami Neiman also mentions that she felt it was a privilege to donate an organ. "I work as a medical secretary at Maccabi Health Services," she says. "During my work, I got to know the patients closely. I saw firsthand how their suffering is indescribable, and the bureaucratic suffering I witnessed as a secretary seemed terrible to me. At the same time, I volunteered at Ezer LeTzion and accompanied people suffering in the dialysis wards. Suddenly, I realized I had the opportunity to give them their lives, without it costing me much. One day, the decision was made in my heart, I approached Rabbi Haber, and we sat down to talk. He explained the process to me (he didn’t convince me, he explained). Afterward, I consulted with doctors and rabbis, and from every direction, I heard how there’s almost no risk for the donor, since the surgery is very simple, and on the other hand, the quality of life for the recipient is immeasurable. The more I looked into it, the more I felt this was something I couldn’t miss, and indeed, since the donation, I feel every day how much the decision was rewarding for me. Because we all want to be blessed, and I want so many things from Hashem – health, livelihood, success in raising my children, and more. So here it is, I have a lucky charm with Him."

The Waiting Period

When asked about the hardest part of their experience, Sarah and Tami surprisingly say that the waiting period for the surgery was their real trial. "In my case, there was quite a long time between when I started the process and when I had the surgery," says Sarah. "At first, I was assigned a recipient who was supposed to receive my kidney, but the transplant was delayed due to her health condition, and the doctors kept debating whether she could even undergo the surgery. I was in a 'waiting' state for about three months, which felt like eternity. I really wanted to go through with the surgery and know that 'I did it.' Eventually, I felt I couldn’t wait any longer. I called Rabbi Haber and told him that the delay was probably meant to be, and I was sure there were others who needed a kidney urgently. Rabbi Haber accepted my words, and just a few days later, he urgently contacted me and said that Tali was waiting for a kidney transplant and was in a critical situation. From that moment, things moved quickly. A few days later, I was at the Ministry of Health’s committee in Tel Aviv, where I met Tali and her mother for the first time. It was a defining meeting, and suddenly I understood that there was a person behind the name I had been hearing, and I saw Tali’s condition, which was very poor. Suddenly everything became more tangible. A few more tests and a brief hospitalization, and about a month later, I was in surgery."

Tami says the waiting period for her was a true test of patience. "For me, the process lasted about six months, and during this time, I felt firsthand how the patient, who was supposed to receive my kidney, was surely suffering and undergoing three to four exhausting dialysis sessions every week. She surely wanted to start living a better life. However, in hindsight, I can say I’m glad I waited. During the entire period, I kept checking with myself if I was truly sure, and each time, I felt how my desire grew, and how much I really wanted to make the donation. It was a desire far beyond the initial excitement, and it was good for me."

Post-Surgery: A New Beginning

"In the end, after the surgery date was set, I had two and a half weeks to prepare, and I did it just like a woman preparing for childbirth: I prepared food, arranged for help, and took a week off work. That was definitely enough, because a week after the surgery, I was back to functioning normally and returned to work."

Explaining to the Children

"I explained to my children in simple words where I was going, and it turned out they already understood through the phone calls I had made and were prepared for it. They even encouraged me and were happy. I also tried not to make too big of a deal out of it, explaining to them that it was like ‘mom going to a mothers' camp.’ In the end, I think they only gained from it, because all our lives, we try to teach our children kindness and love for others, but when they see it in a tangible way, it makes a bigger impact than anything else. I’m glad I was able to instill this important lesson in them."

Did you know who was receiving your kidney donation?

"There was something very interesting here," Tami shares. "When I first approached Rabbi Haber and told him I had decided to donate a kidney, he asked me if I wanted to donate it to a specific person. I replied that I wanted to donate it to whoever needed it the most. Of course, it was important to me that they be Jewish, but beyond that, the exact identity didn’t matter. Rabbi Haber heard this but asked me to check if I knew anyone personally, because if I did, that person would have priority. As I mentioned, I work as a secretary at a health clinic and generally know the patients. After checking the clinic's records, I came up with a few names – one didn’t match, another had already found a donor, and the last one was a four-year-old boy who, by pure coincidence, was also my neighbor, living just down the street from me. It was a very strengthening moment for me, because I knew the boy, his slow movements, and his grayish complexion. Suddenly I understood how my donation could change his life dramatically, and I went into the surgery with more determination."

Closer to God

As the days passed and the surgery date approached, both Tami and Sarah note that their excitement grew, but alongside it, there was also anxiety, as it was, after all, a medical procedure requiring surgery and general anesthesia for about three hours.

"It’s not that I was particularly stressed," Tami emphasizes, "but I did feel I needed some encouragement, so, about a week before the surgery, I took a bus and went to visit Rabbi Esther Koldetzky, the daughter of Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky. Rabbi Koldetzky gave me exactly what I needed – she hugged me, encouraged me, and told me that even her father wanted to encourage me and let me know that there’s no need to worry because this is a great mitzvah, and I will only see blessings from it. She also told me that she personally knows several people who donated kidneys and later enjoyed excellent quality of life, and some even saw much blessing and salvation. Her words were warm, and I left there completely at ease."

"Still, on the fateful morning, when I was invited to the operating room, I felt nervous and had butterflies in my stomach. At that time, I read an emotional passage written by a woman who described her feelings as she walked into kidney donation surgery. She explained how she felt like she was walking toward childbirth (and by the way, even the doctors refer to this surgery as 'childbirth,' because the incision resembles a caesarean section, although in practice it is much easier). Like childbirth, she said, there’s joy and excitement in bringing new life into the world, but also fear and apprehension. She also added that in her case, the donation was for a young man in the dating period, and she felt as though she was placing her kidney under the chuppah. I read these words and completely identified. With each passing moment, I felt that I had a real opportunity to experience great light and be so close to the Creator. I recited a chapter of Tehillim, took a sedative, and with gratitude and joy, I entered the operating room."

As Sarah shares her experience of the big day, she breathes deeply. "I wasn’t particularly stressed," she points out, "but when I left the ward, on my way to the surgery, the recipient, along with her family, waved at me as they cried on each other’s shoulders. I saw their unimaginable excitement, their anticipation and anxiety, and every time I remember that scene, I tear up. It was a moment that proved to me how immense this giving is – it’s the greatest thing a person can give from themselves, it’s giving life, in its fullest meaning!"

Regarding the surgery itself, Sarah admits that, like with any surgery, there were pains afterward and recovery was required. "The night after the surgery was filled with nausea, and the incisions in my abdomen hurt. But by the morning, I felt better, and I started pestering the nurses to remove all the equipment and wires because I wanted to get up. They cooperated with me and saw that I was fine. Throughout the day, the nausea subsided, and although it was originally planned for a three-day hospital stay, I was back to my normal self in just two days and was discharged home. It was much easier than childbirth, and I quickly forgot everything I went through and resumed my regular life, with no medical trace or need for further tests. I am healthy and strong, thank God, just like I was before."

A Dance of Life

Overall, the success rate of kidney transplants from living donors in Israel stands at over 95%, yet Tami notes that after the surgery, she was filled with immense tension.

"I was still hospitalized, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the recovery of the four-year-old boy who went into the operating room as soon as I came out – did his body accept the kidney? Would he have a healthy and happy life? The next morning, the child’s mother came to my room and excitedly told me that her son had already started excreting waste independently – a clear sign that the kidney was working, and his bilirubin level, which was very high before the surgery, had dropped almost to normal levels, indicating that the transplant had likely succeeded. However, the doctors didn’t fully confirm that the kidney had taken, and it took several more weeks of tests and hospitalizations, but all along, the signs were positive, and now, two and a quarter years after the transplant, it’s definitely a complete success."

Did you meet the child afterward?

"Of course. The first time we met after the surgery was actually on the street. It was about a month after the surgery, and I saw him running around, playing with his friends. Suddenly, I realized he wasn’t pale and weak anymore, but happy and rosy. I froze for a moment and then burst into tears of gratitude, seeing God’s wonders firsthand. That was the most amazing thing a person can experience."

Sarah adds that even with her recipient, "Her values were already normal when she left the surgery, and day by day, the measures became more and more satisfying. We still keep in touch and sometimes text. She tells me every time about new things she started doing – a course she enrolled in, a new job, new foods she tasted, and more things she never thought of doing before, even dreaming of them. Recently, she also invited me to a performance where she danced on stage. That was one of the most uplifting moments because before the transplant, she could barely walk, and seeing her suddenly dancing on stage – happy, healthy, and joyous, meant everything to me. Shortly after, my eldest daughter’s wedding took place, and Tali came as a surprise, preparing a special dance for the bride. That was the most emotional dance I’ve ever seen in my life. A dance of life."