When One Partner Returns to Faith: A Marriage Tested and Transformed

Orit Esther Meir had already built her home and become a mother when she suddenly discovered what she describes as the path to truth. She drew close with intensity and great enthusiasm, only to realize that she was walking the journey alone. Her husband did not want to take part in her discoveries, and their young home nearly fell apart.

“I come from a secular family,” Esther begins. “My father is a Holocaust survivor and the son of an assimilated family. We grew up without Jewish education, yet without knowing how or why, four of us eventually returned to Judaism. Apparently, the previous generations prayed for us well.”

The first time Esther felt that she herself was part of the chain of the Jewish people was even before her formal return to Judaism. Shortly after her wedding, she and her husband traveled with her parents on a roots journey to the Netherlands. They visited the home of the Christian family that hid her father as a child during the war.

“It was deeply moving to see the wall behind which he had been hidden. With a light touch, the wall opened into a large attic where they concealed him whenever the Germans came searching.”

Standing there, Esther experienced a powerful realization. “I understood that my father had not survived by chance. There were several moments during the war when he nearly died and was saved miraculously each time. I felt there was a profound secret in the Jewish story, and that I was part of it.”

Awakening in Parallel

At that time, Esther’s older brother was studying art at a university in the Netherlands, where he began a process of returning to Judaism. Simultaneously, her second brother was traveling in Thailand. Toward the end of his trip, he stayed with a Jewish family on shlichut in Hong Kong, and through them began his own return to Judaism.

The brothers were not in contact and had no idea what the other was going through. Only afterward did they discover, with astonishment, that both had drawn closer to Judaism at the same time. When Esther first heard about her brother’s return to Judaism, she was shaken. “What, now you’ll only wear black and white?” she asked him. For her, it was a real trauma.

Tentative Steps Forward

Not long afterward, Esther herself began to move in the same direction. “Inside me was a persistent feeling that we are not here only for the material life I knew,” she says. “I told myself this cannot be real life. I was searching for truth and meaning.”

She attended a workshop that had nothing to do with Judaism, yet through divine providence she heard stories about the holy Baal Shem Tov. “Those stories captivated me, and I decided: this is what I want to learn. I also knew something else. I wanted my husband to learn it with me. That was my goal from the start, but I did not yet realize how complicated it would be.”

Unsure how to continue, Esther turned to her brother, who had returned to Judaism two years earlier. He told her about the laws of family purity and suggested she meet a special woman in Tel Aviv who taught the subject.

“I remember walking into her home,” Esther smiles. “I saw a Hasidic house filled with children and was completely shocked. It was the first time I had ever seen a home like that.” She wrapped herself in a large cloth out of respect for modesty and sat with the woman, who explained the laws gently and patiently.

As she was leaving, one of the children asked his mother in Yiddish, “Mommy, is she becoming religious?” Esther understood the question and thought to herself, amused: “Me? Becoming religious? No way. Never in my life.”

Hoping to Walk Together

Over time, Esther grew accustomed to the idea and realized that this was where her heart was drawn and where her questions found answers. She longed to progress, but only together with her husband.

Her brother suggested that they attend a values seminar. “We were already parents to a two year old and expecting our second child. I was thrilled by the idea. I thought a family seminar would be the perfect solution to help my husband walk this path with me.”

Failed Deals and Rising Disappointment

To Esther’s surprise, her husband was not enthusiastic. Still, he proposed a deal. “He told me, ‘I’ll come with you to the seminar if afterward we go to Thailand.’ I’m not a fan of that kind of travel, but the deal sounded worthwhile. I agreed with great hope.”

They attended the seminar, and Esther’s expectations soared. “At the entrance, I told one of the rabbaniyot, ‘My husband must return to Judaism.’ She smiled and said, ‘Sweetheart, go into the lectures and everything will be fine.’ I naively thought that was a promise.”

She imagined that by the end of the seminar her husband would head straight to buy a black suit and hat. When they drove home and he did not stop at a clothing store, she was confused but silent. Days passed, then months, then years. Nothing changed.

“I had no idea this was the beginning of a long and painful journey.”

A Growing Rift at Home

Esther kept her part of the deal and traveled with her husband to Thailand. “I tried to keep kosher as best I could and began dressing more modestly. I did not enjoy the trip. Traveling with a toddler was exhausting, and more than anything, I was consumed by disappointment.”

When they returned, the gap between them widened. Esther immersed herself in Torah classes and spiritual growth under the guidance of the seminar rabbanit. Her husband, however, remained distant, interested only on an intellectual level.

“When I washed my hands ritually for the first time, my husband panicked and threatened divorce. When I covered my hair, he asked, shocked, ‘What is that thing on your head?’ His mother later joined in, worried about how people from his workplace would react.”

Only one commandment remained untouched by conflict: the laws of family purity. “Looking back, I can say that this mitzvah preserved the possibility of repairing our marriage.”

When Esther brought a hot plate into the home to honor Shabbat, she was sure it would signal a turning point. It did not. Radios played, lights were switched on, and the sanctity of Shabbat felt shattered to her.

Her loneliness peaked during their first Passover. Unable to find guidance in their secular moshav, she burned the chametz alone in an open field. “I stood there, just me and the fire, and returned home more broken than ever.”

Two Separate Paths

As Esther advanced spiritually, she and her husband found themselves on separate tracks. “I went right, he went left. We lived together, but emotionally we were far apart.”

Looking back, Esther recognizes her own sense of superiority. “I thought I was more right, more enlightened. I did not understand that in marriage, it matters less who is right and more what is right for us as a couple.”

It took her years to internalize a profound truth. “Even God is willing to erase His Name for the sake of peace in a Jewish home. If He is willing to do that, how can we not be willing to give something up for our marriage?”

Thirteen Years of Struggle

For thirteen years, the couple struggled, each pulling in a different direction. Her husband left the house twice, slamming the door, and returned. Esther herself considered leaving more than once.

“I knew a person cannot escape their life correction. If this is my marriage, then this is where I must grow.”

A Second Return to Judaism

The real transformation came later. “God had mercy on me and led me through a deep personal process,” Esther says. “The true return to Judaism was mine, not my husband’s.”

Through studies in Jewish based emotional and spiritual healing, Esther learned to accept herself, and through that, to accept her husband. She stopped demanding change and released her critical gaze.

“And then the miracle happened. Quietly, without pressure, my husband began to connect to Torah and mitzvot on his own.”

Today, he keeps Shabbat, puts on tefillin, and studies Torah. Their home is filled with light and joy.

Turning Pain into Purpose

Esther went on to professionalize in this approach and became a marital counselor guided by Jewish wisdom. “Today, I help other families save their homes before they fall apart. It hurts to see couples give up when they still have such a real chance.”

She concludes with the insight she earned through years of pain. “When we change ourselves, the entire reality around us changes for the better. When I help couples whose marriages shattered around issues of returning to Judaism, I know with certainty that everything I went through was worth it.”