Harnessing Positivity: How Your Thoughts Can Shape a Better Life

When discussing the importance of positive thinking, it is important to recognize that this becomes possible in a supportive and positive environment. When a person is constantly being criticized, belittled, or disrespected, it becomes difficult for them to change their limiting and negative thought patterns and adopt a positive mindset, as it contradicts the experiences they have with those around them.

On the other hand, a person who is surrounded by supportive and encouraging individuals, and experiences daily appreciation, trust in their abilities, and motivation for success, will naturally develop a more positive outlook, as this is the experience they absorb from their environment.

Of course, the way those close to us think about life in general — and not just about our individual abilities, also has a significant impact on the way we think. A person surrounded by negative thinking, often expressed through words and actions, will struggle to maintain a positive mindset that goes beyond the social climate in which they live. Conversely, a positive environment will certainly influence the way an individual perceives reality, leading them to see things in a more positive and less critical light.

Therefore, it is important to try and spend as much time as possible in a positive environment, where people not only have a positive attitude toward you but also toward life in general.

Painting a Positive Reality

Another important point can be illustrated with a simple example: Imagine a person lying in bed late at night, after everyone else in the house has already gone to sleep. The house is completely dark, and now, they try to scare themselves. They deliberately attempt to imagine that they hear footsteps in the house and even see a figure passing by the bedroom door. They reach for their phone to call the police, trying not to alert the intruder as they do so, and so on...

Even though this person is consciously imagining this entire situation, it is likely that by picturing it in their mind, their heart rate will increase, their blood pressure will rise, and they will begin to sweat. This is because our thoughts are incredibly powerful to the extent that they can influence our physiological state, even when we are aware that the scenario is just a product of our imagination!

When we are deeply involved in a problem, and constantly think about it and its possible consequences, it is clear that we cannot see the situation positively or find a way out. This is because the constant focus on the problem itself makes it feel real and present, as if the consequences we fear are already happening with absolute certainty.

If we want to find a way out of the problem and break free from the vicious cycle created by our incessant thoughts about it, we need to try imagining ourselves as if the problem has already been solved, as if it no longer exists in our lives, and its consequences no longer threaten us.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we should naively or unrealistically ignore the current reality and pretend that the problem has disappeared. As we’ve emphasized, positive thinking does not contradict realism, but rather, unrealistic thinking is not positive thinking, but wild imagination. The goal here is to be aware that the problem still exists, but to consciously imagine a different reality, where the problem has already been resolved.

Even when we consciously imagine a reality that does not match our actual situation, this thought process is powerful, and it can have a positive impact on our way of thinking. We must know and recognize reality as it is, but at the same time, decide to create a different reality for ourselves in order to free ourselves from the negative emotional cycle we have fallen into.

When this new way of thinking takes hold and leads to more positive thoughts, we can then begin thinking about realistic solutions that will help us escape the problematic situation we are in and find a way to resolve the issue.

Many times, when people come to me for advice, while they are deeply immersed in their problem, I try to help them imagine how they would view their current difficulty if they were looking at it from a perspective six months from now, after the problem has been solved. How would they react? How would they advise someone else in the same situation? From this perspective, it is much easier for people to think about their problem, because they can now look at it "from the outside," without being emotionally involved.

Indeed, we find support for this approach in the words of the Chidushei HaRim (a well-known Jewish sage). The Torah presents the Sotah (a woman suspected of infidelity) before the Nazir (a person who vows to abstain from wine). From this, the sages teach that one who witnesses a Sotah in her corruption should abstain from wine. That is, first, a person must take the step of "avoiding evil" and distancing themselves from the corruption of the "Sotah," and only then can they focus on "doing good" — taking the vow of a Nazir and living a life of holiness.

At first glance, the Chidushei HaRim asks, why in the oral Torah, in the Mishnah, did Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi place the tractate of Nazir before Sotah? Why did he prioritize the "doing good" over "avoiding evil"?

The Chidushei HaRim answers that the ideal situation is as described in the Torah, where "avoiding evil" precedes "doing good." However, Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi lived in the period of the Second Temple’s destruction, and he understood that if the two Temples had been destroyed, it was likely not possible to keep waiting to "avoid evil" and only then proceed to "do good." Therefore, he reversed the order: first, "doing good," and only then "avoiding evil."

The same principle applies to our situation: Ideally, the straight path would be to remove negative thinking, which would then create space for positive thinking. However, in practice, this approach doesn’t always work. Sometimes, it is better to start by feeding ourselves with positive thoughts, which will naturally push out the negative ones and help us focus on the positive, good, and beautiful aspects of life.

The Importance of Positive Thinking

It is important to understand that positive thinking influences us more than just improving our mood and making us more productive. Positive thinking impacts us in countless ways throughout our lives, to the point that studies show it can even improve our life expectancy! According to these studies, optimistic people who have a positive mindset live, on average, eight years longer than pessimistic people who see the world in dark colors!

People with a positive mindset experience fewer stressful situations and feel less tension in their daily lives. Even when they face a problem or difficulty, they approach it with the assumption that there is a solution, and their task is simply to discover it. People with positive thinking have a higher will to live, and as a result, they do more to take care of their health. When they face a medical challenge, they are more likely to listen to their doctor’s advice because they believe there is a solution to their problem, and therefore they are open to the solutions that medicine can offer.

In contrast, pessimistic people with a negative mindset will experience more feelings of helplessness and despair throughout their lives, and naturally, stress will be their constant companion. Their starting point is that a "problem" is an unsolvable situation, and as a result, they will be preoccupied with thinking about the depth of the problem they are facing, paying little attention, if any, to ways they can escape it. Therefore, they will be more discouraged and, by nature, will spend less time thinking about improving their lifestyle. When faced with a medical issue, they will struggle to believe that they can improve their situation, which will harm their cooperation with those who could help them and possibly bring about a complete solution to the problem.

Positive thinking is therefore not only a theoretical approach to life, but a lifestyle that propels a person forward and leads to better outcomes in every area they choose to pursue! Positive thinking is, in fact, a self-fulfilling prophecy: When a person expects to succeed in life, they are likely to make more of an effort and invest more than someone who approaches life with the assumption that success is out of their reach. People with positive thinking can work longer hours, stay more focused on their tasks, and earn more, compared to others with a negative mindset!

A person who speeds excessively on the road or continues to smoke despite being aware of the significant health risks they are exposing themselves to is not someone with a positive mindset... The statement "It will be okay" does not necessarily indicate optimism but sometimes reflects naivety, lack of thought, or denial. None of these options will move a person forward in life, and most likely, they will achieve the exact opposite result.

Everyday Stressors

One of the main factors that can affect our thinking and cause us to adopt a negative mindset is everyday stress. We don’t need a major disaster to happen in our lives… it’s enough to have too many arguments, disagreements, traffic jams, work overloads, etc., and the accumulation of several such difficulties over a period of two months can gradually cause our mind to interpret reality as more negative than it really is.

Therefore, when we begin to feel that the daily routine is becoming difficult and burdensome, it is important to find time within our daily schedule to take a break and engage in hobbies, spend time with friends and family, or any other activity that can provide us with emotional energy. The more we are able to maintain our energy sources, the less we will sink into the stress of daily life and the more we will be able to focus on a positive perspective of reality.

How to Escape Negative Thinking

One excellent tool that can help us break free from the cycle of negative thinking is encouraging others. If we make it a habit to encourage someone else at least once a day, say something nice, express gratitude, etc., we will quickly see how our mind starts to focus more on the positive dimensions of reality after two or three weeks.

Another great tool, especially for the brave among us, is to spend an entire week without allowing ourselves to think a single negative thought. For a full week, we identify every negative thought that enters our mind and immediately find the positive aspect of the situation. This is like a "diet" for negative thoughts. After just one week, we will already see fantastic results!

It’s important to remember that we live in a society that is more inclined to think negatively than positively. The media is one of the most significant influencers of this thinking style, focusing on the negative aspects of reality.

Try to imagine that you are walking by a newsstand and notice a newspaper with a beautiful picture of green trees and a rising sun on the cover, with the main headline focusing on all the good things that will happen next week... Would you buy the newspaper? Probably not...

On the other hand, if the newspaper cover shows intercontinental missiles and the main headline talks about an impending war, most people will quickly buy it — not only out of curiosity but out of an illusion that knowing the risks will allow them to defend themselves better. In other words, negative news "sells" much better than calm and pleasant news, and that’s why the media focuses on bringing as many negative headlines as possible, causing society to become more negative and adopt a pessimistic view of reality.

Addiction to Negative Information

The growing preoccupation with the negative aspects of reality leads many people to "become addicted" to negative news, gossip, and the like. I once asked a person who had a negative mindset: What would happen if 90% of the events around him were positive? His immediate, natural answer was: "It would be boring!"

This answer reveals a lot. Just as a person addicted to shopping feels that there is no excitement in life without shopping, the person addicted to negative thinking feels that negative thoughts fill the empty spaces in their life, giving them flavor and purpose. In their view, a life without negative aspects would be boring and lack challenge...

It is often heard from people addicted to negative information that they do this to prepare for negative situations that may arise in their lives. However, if we examine this claim objectively, we find that it has no basis. There are plenty of people who don’t read newspapers, don’t consume negative news throughout the week, and still are not in any existential danger.

We can be calm, confident, and assured that any important news we truly need to know to protect ourselves from any threat will reach us one way or another, even if we don’t obsessively chase after negative news.

Ultimately, addiction to negative news leads people to disconnect from reality to a significant extent. They disconnect from the optimistic reality, from those who manage to live well, feel good, and function well. They don’t see this reality at all! In their view, a person who doesn’t constantly deal with the threats to their routine life is disconnected from reality! However, they don’t realize that they are the ones who are "disconnected," as they are not detaching from the negative reality that doesn’t contribute anything to them, but rather disconnecting from the positive reality that could contribute to their personal growth!