Does Teshuvah Help for Adultery with a Married Woman?

Greetings. On one hand, my heart grieves deeply for the people of Israel, for grave transgressions have occurred which our forefathers never imagined. On the other hand, this is a time when wisdom is prevalent, and praise is due to Hashem, for He has sent a hunger—not for bread or water but for hearing His word—and many return to Hashem with all their hearts and souls inquiring if there is hope after the grave sin of adultery with a married woman. I have come to strengthen faltering knees with the words of our Sages who elucidated the path one should follow and the actions to take. (a) The Sages taught in the Mishnah (Chagigah 9a): "A crooked person cannot be made straight, and a deficiency cannot be completed" (Ecclesiastes 1). Rabbi Shimon ben Menasia says this refers to one who commits adultery with a married woman and begets a mamzer, since he introduced defects into Israel, leaving a permanent mark that cannot be erased by teshuvah. However, if one steals or robs, he can restore and correct his misdeeds. (b) There it is explained (9b) that one who commits adultery with a married woman, even if not causing mamzerut, "is cut off from the world and gone". Rashi comments: "He has no teshuvah since he committed a deed with no remedy." Accordingly, the Talmud (Sotah 4b) states that "even if one comes and studies Torah, he will be ensnared in the judgment of Gehinnom." (c) Yet elsewhere the Talmud (Yevamot 22b) teaches that a mamzer must honor his father if the father repents, raising the question: "Is this a son of teshuvah when the Mishnah says 'a crooked person cannot be made straight?'" The explanation is that the son of teshuvah is regarded as if "he acts toward you." This implies that teshuvah does assist even in such grave matters to restore respect and relationship. (d) The Tosafot (Sotah 4b) cite the Gemara (Bava Metzia 59a) which says that one who commits adultery with a married woman is subject to strangulation and has a share in the World to Come, implying possible salvation from Gehinnom, especially if he repents and endures suffering in this world; thus, the harsh statements about being cut off and condemned apply only when there is no teshuvah. Our teacher Chaim agrees in Tosafot and in his rulings that correction through teshuvah is possible, albeit reputation suffers greatly and forgiveness comes through suffering and genuine repentance. (e) The Otzar HaMidrashim (Pesikta 498) explains that those who have no share in the World to Come—such as heretics and idolaters—are so only if they do not repent; once teshuvah is done, even they acquire a share. This is the meaning of the prophet's call "Return!" (f) The consensus among most poskim is that teshuvah is effective even regarding adultery with a married woman. They prescribed in their books methods for sincere teshuvah for such a serious sin. The severity of the generations' decline has led to more leniency in the process. Rabbeinu Yehuda HaChassid (Sefer Chassidim 373) cites Rabbi Saadia Gaon who wrote that all sins are atoned by teshuvah except causing others to sin, slander, withholding restitution, and adultery with a married woman; regarding the latter, atonement occurs only after payment and compensation in this world, reflected in Proverbs (6:29) "he who commits adultery has no cleansing." Nonetheless, he too acknowledges eventual salvation from Gehinnom. (g) Rabbeinu Yosef of Trani (Maharit 2:8) arranged teshuvah for one who murdered, committed adultery with a married woman, and worshipped idols. He writes that despite all his sins, after complete teshuvah and confession to Hashem, no obstacle stands before teshuvah, for Hashem extends His hand to sinners and accepts those who fully repent. The statement "a crooked person cannot be straight" means the everlasting stain that the sin leaves, even after teshuvah, as his shame remains obvious and his deeds bear fruit, making complete repair impossible. (h) Before delineating the ways of teshuvah, it is appropriate to increase fear of the punishment. This sin is extremely grave, and the sufferings and penalties fixed for one who sins with a married woman should awaken the man's fear of Hashem to bring him to complete teshuvah. The writings of the Arizal explain that such a sinner does not merit a reincarnation as a human but must be reincarnated as a donkey or even as a non-living entity, endlessly ground between millstones until his sin is purged. (i) The ways of teshuvah, although the early authorities were exceedingly strict, requiring hundreds of fasts and harsh afflictions almost like mortal punishment, have been relaxed by later authorities. The Gaon of Judah (Beit Yosef edition, Orach Chaim 35) wrote regarding one who sinned for years and now repents, that it is commendable his Torah study endured and did not slip into impurity. While the Sages stated the severity, they also said “nothing stands before teshuvah” but intended that the teshuvah be with great seriousness. (j) The magnitude of this man's sin—three consecutive years living in the house of the married woman and frequent relations—cannot be atoned by fasts alone, and such efforts may not be the essence of teshuvah which fundamentally requires abandoning sin, heartfelt confession, genuine remorse, and aspiring to cleave to Hashem. Fasting and afflictions are ancillary. Teshuvah can occur in a moment. (k) Although the Sages said that for sins punishable by karet or death by Beit Din, Yom Kippur and suffering are indispensable for atonement, it is taught that testing the limits of afflictions is also halachically necessary to break the sinner's heart, allowing true remorse. Continuous study instilling love of Hashem and sincere prayer with tears are invaluable. (l) This man wrote that he ceased associating with the woman from his wedding day—two years—despite living under the same roof previously. The Sages say (end of Yoma) that a penitent is like one who avoided sin twice upon first temptation and escaped. This indicates his teshuvah has strong foundations. (m) Although I am lenient regarding fasting and self-affliction for him, exemption is impossible due to repetition. Torah study is primary—deep study of Mishnah, Talmud, halacha, and musar works including Sefer HaChinuch, Shulchan Aruch, and laws of teshuvah in Rambam. Immersing in psalms of King David and shedding tears for the destruction and exile during nighttime hours are vital. (n) The Gaon of Judah lists many severe afflictions from earlier generations but decrees more leniency for our weakened times. He also provides a practical regimen for teshuvah for one who sinned with a married woman: avoid seeing women or their adornments, refrain from laughter, seductive speech, or hints to any woman including one’s wife during her niddah days; avoid seclusion with women; avoid meat and wine for a year except on Shabbat and Yom Tov; eat no warm bread; limit bathing; afflict the soul daily; sleep on the ground except Shabbat/Yom Tov; suppress all desires continually; immerse in mikveh daily especially in cold winter; confess daily with crying and anguish; fast periodically; follow these stringencies three years, then lessen in the fourth year, and Hashem will forgive, bringing peace. (o) These methods, although lenient compared to the earliest demands, are very rigorous for modern sensibilities. Those raised in secular environments unfamiliar with Torah and mitzvot require further leniency, though I report here only the classical texts to strengthen faltering knees and prove no sin stands before teshuvah. Each with this sin must disclose fully to a rabbi who will attest when atonement is complete. (p) A straightforward path to fulfill the five ways of teshuvah from Sefer HaBrit (Part 2, Maamar 12) includes: repent throughout one’s days including nights as King David said, confess before lying down and before eating every time, do not become complacent in teshuvah but remain humble, seek solitude weekly to meditate and cry for one’s sins and cling to Hashem with love and awe so that Hashem’s face will shine upon him favorably, and pray with all one’s heart "Amen, Yehei Shemei Rabba" to annul harsh decrees and open the gates of Gan Eden. Observe Shabbat scrupulously, recite Shirat Hayam daily with joy and intention, overlook faults in others to merit forgiveness for all crimes, and continually hear words of Torah with fear of Hashem and ethical teachings. (q) Regarding restitution, if one stole or harmed another, he must make amends fully before seeking atonement from Hashem; if unable to pay immediately, he should request forgiveness and commit to repay when possible. (r) The Midrash states the Tannaim debated this matter and concluded teshuvah is possible for this sin. They cite verses in Proverbs that say those who commit adultery "do not become clean" but clarify that if one returns and studies Torah, immerses himself in mitzvot, and truly repents, the sins are forgiven for Olam Haba, provided he does not relapse and does teshuvah properly. The prophet Jeremiah’s call to return confirms that even the greatest sinners are accepted back. In summary, there is hope to repair through teshuvah. May Hashem grant that I merit to be among the sincere penitents—Menasseh Yisrael.