עברית
Faith
Modesty Among Men
Question
In the past two years, I have become much more religious, to the point where I can be considered observant. Along the way, many questions and uncertainties arose, and for most, I received satisfying answers. However, one issue continues to puzzle me deeply: modesty among men. We all know how important it is for a woman to dress modestly, observing halachic guidelines regarding sleeve length, neckline, and so forth, and how serious it is when a woman dresses immodestly. But what about men? Do the laws of modesty not apply to them as well? Men are naturally attracted to women physically and externally, so women must dress according to modesty laws to prevent forbidden situations. But aren’t women also attracted to men? Surely a woman standing before an attractive man feels desire; she has passions and cravings too, at least as much as a man. If so, why does halacha not "command" men to dress modestly and with delineation? Why is the strictness regarding women’s modesty so precise (rightly so), yet men are not included at all? Why have I encountered dozens of boys and men becoming religious who permit themselves to appear in public shirtless or in tank tops? The thought of an observant girl exposing herself in public without a shirt (for example, in a swimsuit) is inconceivable—it would be a real scandal. So, why is it considered normal for men? The most recent case I witnessed involved several men aged 17–18 from the Gush Katif region who surfed on the beach during their free time. They were interviewed for a documentary on Channel 2 called "Uvda." Throughout the program, pictures were shown of these men surfing shirtless, filmed with their permission but without formal interviews. I ask: can an ostensibly religious man allow images of himself shirtless to be broadcast on a public state channel, accessible to women and men alike? Why, if I ask a rabbi about this, will he call it "improper" but then forgive it? I don’t understand; most people wouldn’t grasp why I am upset—they think it’s just a shirtless boy. Yet these are males, not females. This is precisely what I find so hard to understand. Why is this the approach to modesty among men? And why, if I ask most rabbis, do they agree with me but explain it with terms like "it is inappropriate" or "it is not dignified" for a man to dress this way? Or justify it as being because "the whole earth is filled with His glory." In other words, there is no clear halachic ruling or obligation—only language of propriety and dignity. *Note: This question refers, of course, to modesty of men before women, not before other men (though some modesty also applies between men). I apologize if my tone is impassioned, but this is truly one of the most confusing matters to me in Judaism, and I have yet to find a satisfactory answer. I would greatly appreciate the learned rabbi’s response. Sincerely, Eran
Answer
The stringency of modesty for men is lesser than that required of women because the impact on the viewer is greater when a man looks at a woman than vice versa. A woman’s nature is not to be attracted to every man; she more so seeks the man within the person rather than simply the person himself, unlike men. Nonetheless, modesty is required from men both in public and when alone in a room, with rules governing how to undress and dress. Modesty is not merely a matter of how one relates to others but is also a personal inner quality—a psychological attribute rather than solely external behavior. This is indeed why observant men dress in particular clothing styles, one reason being to uphold criteria of modesty in men’s attire.
