עברית
Faith
How Can I Overcome the Yetzer Hara?
Question
Hello, I am a religious single young man who became stronger in my faith about three years ago. Since childhood, I have struggled with a very strong yetzer hara, the lust for women. Although I have progressed greatly in observance of Torah and mitzvot and in matters of holiness, I still struggle with guarding my thoughts and eyes alone. I am usually stable in this regard, meaning I try to overcome every bad thought before it comes, and I do not watch any kind of movies or news journalism. When walking in the street, I mostly try not to be curious about my surroundings and even pray or study during my travel time. Everything goes well when I maintain a good pace of Torah study and a happy mood. But if two days or more pass without Torah study and with a mood of sadness, I immediately enter a state of trial, a "vulnerable" state in which I find it much harder to overcome temptation. In such a state of spiritual weakness, I simply never succeed in returning to a "normal" state. I always enter anxiety and sadness where the yetzer celebrates, and all the bad thoughts reemerge. I surrender to the yetzer because I do not find a solution to uplift myself, and then I enter a cycle of despair-sin-sadness-shame and despair-again sin... until Heaven pities me and gives me thoughts of repentance and new strength.
1. How can I have a strong fear of Heaven on this matter so that in every state of weakness and trial I can and will want to immediately make the right decisions and not fall into the trap quickly?
2. What is the best solution when I am in a state of trial where lust begins to overpower intellect? How can I reinstate intellect over lust and get out of it to have correct judgment and clear awareness at that moment?
3. The issue of sanctity over the covenant of the eyes and thought is very dear to me, and in my view, whoever reaches completeness on this matter is truly upright and righteous and blessed. Every transgression in this regard disgusts me because I feel it harms the character, honesty, and the good relationship between a Jew and his Creator and His Torah. From this awareness, every time I transgress this Torah prohibition, I enter a state where I abhor myself and feel repulsive and detestable, which adds more sadness and despair to me. Sometimes my hopes are utterly vanished, and when in trial, I simply wait for it to pass because I do not find the mental strength and the courage to return to Hashem because of the shame. Therefore, I also ask: How can one reach the right mindset that if one has already fallen into the mire of sin, how to get out of it as quickly as possible?
Answer
Hello,
Blessed are you for having attained knowledge of the fundamental truth declared in all the holy books, that the matter of guarding the covenant is the most basic aspect of human life, and whoever guards it is truly fortunate in this world. The saddest thing is a person who does not merit to guard this covenant; indeed, this is the point upon which a person’s fear of Heaven depends. With it, one has everything, and without it, one has nothing.
First, know that you are not alone in this struggle. Many young people among those who observe the Torah face similar challenges, which is quite understandable given the hormonal changes during adolescence. Having recognized that these days without Torah study are the most difficult, the path is open to return very quickly to a routine of holiness.
Your shame before Hashem after what occurred is indeed appropriate, but one must overcome the shame in the manner a child overcomes shame before the mother. There is a Hasidic saying that if a person sins in this regard and cannot immediately pray a heartfelt and intense prayer, he has not yet walked upon the threshold of Hasidut. On the other hand, it is explained in the books that one should not confess this sin or attempt repentance during the days of the fall itself, but only after some days when one has returned to the routine of holiness and Torah study, then to open one’s heart and cry before Hashem about what happened and ask that it shall not happen again.
I heard from a great rabbi, Rabbi Shamai Gross, author of the book "Shevet HaKehi" in seven parts, that when a person falls in sanctity, he should hurry to sleep for an hour, to put a stop to this matter. Upon awakening, he can immediately return to a regimen of holiness. Great encouragement is found from what is explained in the Midrashim of Chazal about Yosef the Righteous: truly he entered the house to do his work, but the maidens stepped forward, and what took place, took place; yet he did not fall because it is written, "And he fled and went outside." Yosef is the one who merited forever to be called "Tzaddik, yesod olam." According to Kabbalah, he is the one who most symbolizes being a "guard of the covenant," despite what occurred. In any case, he did not despair or run away from this situation as long as he had life in him, and he returned to his previous level.
From great Kabbalists, I heard that truly a person who has fallen multiple times regarding this matter may be considered in the final accounting as more a keeper of the covenant than someone who has not stumbled at all, because the difficulties are taken into account. As known, some people are much more fervent, while others tend to be colder and hardly encounter such challenges. Also, the way one is quick to rise from the fall is taken into account.
Indeed, our sages have explained extensively that although the books detail the great damage caused by failure to guard the covenant, they have greatly abbreviated explaining the highest spiritual levels achieved by a single avoidance of looking or thinking improper thoughts. The holiness enveloping the person at that moment repels many of the flaws caused by past falls in guarding the covenant. Recently, I saw in the book of the holy Gaon Rabbi Pinchas Koritz zt”l that the fact that most pious and complete people carry a small bundle of youthful sins is a segulah for humility. As the heart tries to raise itself in pride, it can be shown this "bundle" to humble it from pride to humility, and thus the "bundle" can be used for a mitzvah.
Generally, one should not dwell on past sins. As explained by the holy Gaon from Parshisa, it is like a person who picks up filth and passes it from hand to hand; this only causes him to become more soiled. One must cast all behind and forget, looking only forward with Hashem's help to have all in order from now on.
I primarily addressed the closing portion of your question on how to hasten returning to the routine of holiness after sin. However, I believe what I have written also helps to view the entire matter from a somewhat different perspective, enabling you to overcome more in guarding holiness, that you not fall God forbid. All this knowing, as you mention, that you typically guard yourself from news, internet channels, and all kinds of harmful material prevalent these days. [I do not address those who give free rein to their eyes and do not guard themselves from them at all.] Continue on your path, and know that ups and downs are a natural phenomenon. Guard yourself not to let even a single day pass without at least one to two hours of Torah study.
I do not know your age, but know that these trials will not accompany you forever. Once you merit to enter the covenant of marriage, these issues will cease ninety-nine percent, provided you continue to guard yourself and your eyes. [For a person who gives free rein to his eyes, marriage does not help at all in guarding the covenant.]
Wishing you success, Menashe Israel
