What is the reason for shmirat negi'ah?

Hello and blessings

You are praiseworthy for observing shmirat negi'ah. The greater the difficulty, the greater the reward, not only in the World to Come but also in the benefit in this world. The Torah, as a guide to life, chose for us what is best and most desirable. I do not know what age you are now, but even if you do not understand the meaning of the prohibitions of negi'ah today, consider the destruction it can cause in the future, not far off. As you grow older, you will feel more that touch, even when it is not for any purpose, can arouse things that are not desirable.

Any physical touch can, by its very nature, also arouse bodily desire. Therefore the Torah forbade even innocent contact between the sexes, knowing and recognizing that from touch alone one can also be drawn into negative things. Also consider this: a touch between you and a boy may have no intention at all from your side, but from the side of the boy there may be in that touch a touch of affection, or a touch for the sake of female desire, and this is something that, as a woman, you may not feel at all at times. Thus you are causing him to stumble by allowing a boy to touch you in a serious transgression: touching an unmarried girl, and in most cases the girl is ritually impure like a niddah, and touching her for the sake of affection is forbidden by the Torah.

This is what is written in the words of our Sages: Hashem said, Do not say: Since it is forbidden for me to use a woman who is not mine, I will embrace her and there will be no sin, or I will kiss her and there will be no sin. Hashem said: Just as if a nazir vowed not to drink wine it is forbidden for him to eat fresh grapes, dried grapes, grape seed-infusions, or anything that comes from the vine of wine, so too a woman who is not yours is forbidden to be touched at all. Thus Solomon says, Is it possible for a man to take fire in his bosom and his garments not be burned? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. Therefore Hashem placed the parashah of nazir next to the parashah of sotah, because they are similar to one another, and anyone who touches a woman who is not his brings death upon himself, as it is stated, For she has cast down many wounded, and it is written, Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on the grave. The Torah seeks to spare us unnecessary battles, and the physical temptations that lead nowhere, and we can rely with complete confidence on the Giver of the Torah, Who chose for us what is best.

And so wrote in Sefer HaChinuch (mitzvah 188): In any case, according to what appears from everything our Sages of blessed memory warned, a person is not permitted to depart from their good moral teaching, and even if he finds himself somewhat free of desire, he should not say: since I find myself this way, what does it matter if I look at women and so forth, because I know within myself that my evil inclination will not be aroused by this; for many have said so and stumbled.

And our Sages of blessed memory hinted to this when they said that the evil inclination is at first very weak and goes on growing stronger over a person greatly. There are also social reasons to keep a distance from physical contact before marriage, since the decision to marry, whose essence lies in intellect and understanding that the woman and the man are suitable for one another, can be tainted by bodily bribery through touch. Bodily desire then mixes into the fateful decision, and afterward people regret it. It is worthwhile to read the booklet The Magic Touch, enjoy it and internalize it.

Shabbat Shalom - Menashe Yisrael