Is It Permitted to Sleep in the Bed of a Married Couple?

Shalom rav,

It is permitted for you to sleep in the bed of a married couple. Of course, if you know within yourself that this may lead to impure thoughts, you should avoid it.

Sources: The root of this matter is in Tractate Shabbat (page 140b), where Rav Ketina said that one who stands in the middle of the bed, which Rashi explains is a bed that a man and his wife are accustomed to sleep in, is as though he is standing in the innards of a woman, which Rashi explains means that he is fantasizing. The Gemara concludes: This is not so. It emerges from the conclusion of the Gemara that it is permitted to stand in the middle of a married couple's bed. By extension, it would seem that it is also permitted to sleep there. This is also written in Chiddushei HaRadal on the holy Zohar (page 175b), where it is understood from the words of the Zohar there, like the conclusion of the Gemara, that there is no prohibition in standing on a woman's bed. It would also appear that it is not specifically standing there; the same would apply to sleeping there. See there.

However, we find in Sefer Reshit Chochmah (Gate of Holiness, chapter 8) that he brought the words of the Gemara in Avodah Zarah (page 20b), which states that it is forbidden to look at a woman's colored garments even when they are spread out on a wall, if he recognizes her, and he wrote: From this baraita you may learn that since they forbade a woman's garments spread out on a wall when he recognizes the woman, all the more so it should be forbidden to look at the bed in which a man and his wife sleep if he recognizes them, because this arouses the desire of the yetzer even more. Similarly, in Responsa Lev Chaim, part 3 (siman 58), he wrote to forbid looking at the bed of a married couple even when they are not sleeping there, and he relied on the Gemara in Shabbat and on the words of Reshit Chochmah. See there. According to their words, it would seem that if looking is forbidden, then certainly sleeping there should be forbidden. However, their words are puzzling, since the Gemara in Shabbat there explicitly states in conclusion that this is not so.

I saw in Sefer Machazeh Einayim (page 23a, note 5) that he raised this question against Reshit Chochmah, and wrote that it may be said that the Gemara in Shabbat is dealing with someone who does not recognize her. See there. However, his words are not convincing, and this was already challenged in the book Magedim Chadashim on Tractate Shabbat (there), for according to his view the Gemara and the poskim should have made this distinction. This is also implied by the above-mentioned Radal, who inferred from the words of the Zohar there that there is no prohibition in this, and there it appears even when she is recognized, for it is speaking there about Reuven who lay in Bilhah's bed. See there.

And see Responsa Sharaga HaMeir, part 8 (siman 22, subsection 4), where he was asked about a man who rented out his apartment, namely the bedroom with the beds in which he had slept there with his wife, to others, whether there is concern for improper thoughts even though the man sleeps in the man's place and the woman sleeps in the woman's place. He answered: We do not find in the poskim any concern for improper thoughts if a man sleeps in a man's bed and his wife sleeps in a woman's bed, even though it is a bedroom in which a man and his wife used to sleep, especially since he certainly lays out fresh bedding, meaning that he washed it anew, and therefore it is considered something new, and it is permitted to sleep there and there is no concern because of improper thoughts. See there. In truth, according to the words of the Gemara in Shabbat and the holy Zohar mentioned above, it would seem that it is permitted even if the man sleeps in the woman's bed, unless he knows within himself that this will cause him impure thoughts. See also Responsa Yaba Yedid (Even HaEzer, siman 12).

With blessings,

Hillel Meirs