Did Rejection Shape Esau’s Path?

Osnat asks:

“Hello. This question really troubles me. In the Book of Genesis, Esau does not follow Hashem’s path. But could it be that he acted this way because he felt rejected? Perhaps Esau felt unloved by his mother, and also deceived by his brother Jacob, who received the blessings.

Esau married foreign women who caused grief to Isaac and Rebekah, but maybe this behavior came from a sense of helplessness, an attempt to gain attention from his parents. After all, parents shape a child’s soul and influence their actions.

I am asking sincerely, not to express an opinion. As a religious mother, I want to educate my children correctly. I would appreciate clarity. Thank you.”

Dear Osnat, thank you for your thoughtful and sincere question.

These Were Not Children, but Adults

First, it is important to understand the stage of life at which these events occurred. The story of Jacob and Esau is not about young children shaped helplessly by their upbringing. These were intelligent adults, fully responsible for their choices.

Esau was forty years old when he married, and Jacob was seventy-seven when he married Rachel. Although Esau sold his birthright at fifteen, the episode of the blessings and Jacob’s flight happened decades later, when both brothers were already well into adulthood.

At that point, their paths were not shaped by childhood emotions alone, but by long-standing values and decisions.

Free Choice and Responsibility

Both Jacob and Esau were given free choice between good and evil. Both had opportunities. Yet they chose very different directions.

Esau chose a life centered on physical pleasure, power, and material success. He openly scorned the birthright, seeing little value in its spiritual meaning. Jacob, by contrast, devoted himself to spirituality and treated the birthright as something precious.

This difference did not begin with the blessings. It reflected two fundamentally different worldviews that developed over many years.

Did Rebekah Reject Esau?

There is no indication in the Torah that Rebekah rejected or neglected Esau. Her decision to help Jacob receive the blessings came from a clear recognition of Jacob’s spiritual integrity, not from favoritism or emotional rejection.

Had Esau chosen the path of righteousness, he would have earned his mother’s support and love as well. Rebekah responded to who her sons became, not to personal feelings or preferences.

Great Potential, Great Struggle

Our sages explain that Esau actually possessed enormous spiritual potential, alongside an equally strong inclination toward evil. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler teaches that if Esau had overcome his weaknesses, he could have reached extraordinary heights.

In fact, Jacob and Esau could have complemented one another, much like Issachar and Zebulun. One devoted to spiritual study, the other supporting materially. The possibility existed.

Yet Esau chose not to struggle against his impulses. Instead, he leaned into materialism and immediate gratification.

Isaac’s Love and Opportunity

Interestingly, Isaac loved Esau deeply and continued to support him, even overlooking his faults. This gave Esau every opportunity to reflect, grow, and change direction.

Still, Esau did not take that path. His choices were not forced upon him by rejection, but made freely despite encouragement and opportunity.

Hashem Sees the True Heart

Hashem judges a person by their inner truth. Those who sincerely seek closeness to Him receive guidance and help.

King David is a powerful example. Despite being overlooked by his family and sent to the fields, he clung to Hashem with humility and faith, and ultimately became King of Israel. Hashem never withholds reward from a sincere heart.

Esau, however, repeatedly demonstrated contempt for spiritual responsibility. Selling the birthright for a bowl of lentils was not an act of desperation, but a statement of values.

Two Paths, Two Choices

Esau chose to nurture resentment, pursue revenge, and build a life centered on ego and power. Jacob chose humility, perseverance, and spiritual depth.

In the end, the Torah presents not a story of rejection, but of choice. Given similar beginnings and ample opportunity, Jacob and Esau walked in opposite directions. One toward lasting spiritual unity, the other toward fleeting material success.

For parents, this story teaches an important lesson. While upbringing matters deeply, children are not prisoners of their emotions or circumstances. Each soul retains responsibility, choice, and the ability to rise above difficulty.