When Effort Turns Into Struggle: Learning When to Let Go

Shmuel and Shuli fell in love with a specific apartment in a new development. From the moment they saw it, they were convinced: this was the apartment. They were ready to do whatever it took to get it.

The problem was that the project was already fully booked. This last apartment had been promised to others.
“You came too late,” the sales agent told them. “But we’ll see if something can be done.”

Each of them had their own reason for wanting it. Shuli loved that it was on the second floor. Shmuel was impressed by the direction of the airflow. Even more exciting was the fact that their future neighbors would be close relatives and childhood friends. To them, everything about this apartment felt perfect.

People tried to calm them.
“There are great apartments on the floor above.”
“The building next door has similar airflow.”

But Shmuel and Shuli were firm.
“We only want this apartment. If not, we won’t buy.”

They pushed harder. The sales team got involved. Other buyers were approached. Money was offered. Relatives cautioned them not to exaggerate. Still, they insisted.

A Quiet Warning

Shmuel’s grandfather was an elderly scholar, a man of few words and deep experience. The family made sure someone visited him each evening, and once a month, Shmuel would come.

During one visit, full of excitement, Shmuel shared the story of the apartment. He didn’t expect advice. He just wanted something lively to talk about.

His grandfather listened quietly. Then he said softly,
“You are fighting too hard. I’ve seen many things in my life. Battles of insistence rarely end well.”

This was unusually long for him.

Then he added gently,
“It might be close to coveting. Wanting one specific thing too strongly. I don’t know.”

Shmuel nodded politely. He didn’t really absorb the message. The apartment wasn’t officially owned yet. How could this be coveting?

That same evening, he continued pushing forward.

The Dream That Didn’t Last

Eventually, after many obstacles, they succeeded. The apartment was theirs. They were thrilled. It felt worth every effort.

Two years passed before they could move in. During that time, Shuli planned everything together with her cousin, who was supposed to live right across from them. But slowly, the cousin became distant. Then, just a month before the move, she shared the news:
“We sold the apartment. We can’t manage the mortgage.”

One of the main reasons Shuli had insisted on this apartment was suddenly gone.

Still, they moved in with hope.

Soon after, a severe termite infestation appeared. Nothing helped. The apartment became unlivable, and they had to move out. After months of repairs, they returned, only to face major leaks that destroyed their expensive renovations. The upstairs neighbors refused responsibility.

The dream apartment turned into a source of constant stress.

Eventually, Shmuel and Shuli sold it. Looking back, they both felt they should have listened to the quiet warning they had once brushed aside.

Knowing When to Let Go

Not every struggle is meant to be won. Sometimes effort brings blessing, and sometimes it signals resistance. Faith teaches us to recognize the difference.

Pushing against closed doors can come from love, responsibility, or fear, but it can also blind us to a deeper message: not everything we want is what we need.

When Parents Push Too Hard

Shlomik’s parents desperately wanted him accepted into a nearby yeshiva. They felt he wasn’t ready to be far from home. They pleaded, used connections, and succeeded.

But Shlomik struggled there. He didn’t connect with the teachers or the environment. After a year, they sent him elsewhere, where he finally found his place.

Their devotion was real, but they learned that effort does not always equal wisdom.

Trusting Who Knows Best

Tzippy’s mother was certain one preschool was wrong for her daughter. Using her influence, she secured a spot elsewhere. But the chosen preschool turned out to be a poor fit, while the one she had rejected thrived.

That was when she realized a humbling truth:
There is Someone who wants the best for our children even more than we do.

Greater Than Our Devotion

We care deeply. We plan. We push. We fight. But Hashem alone sees the full picture.

Faith doesn’t mean passivity. It means striving without forcing, praying without controlling, and trusting that blessings arrive in the way they are meant to.

Sometimes the greatest wisdom is knowing when to stop pushing and start trusting.