Rediscovering Yourself on the Journey Back to Judaism

Rabbi Dan Tiomkin offers guidance and support to people returning to Judaism. But his approach is slightly different from what many might expect. Rather than focusing on bringing those who are “far” closer, he helps those who are already “close” reconnect with themselves.

As someone who personally went through the journey of returning to Judaism, Rabbi Tiomkin emphasizes an often-forgotten truth: a Jewish life must be whole. Livelihood, marriage, parenting, emotional health, and personal fulfillment all matter. None of these areas function automatically. Each one requires awareness, effort, and care.

Holiness Begins with Life Itself

Rabbi Tiomkin teaches that bringing holiness into life starts with paying attention to life itself. Financial stability, quality time with a spouse, raising emotionally healthy children, and listening to one’s inner needs are not distractions from spirituality. They are part of it.

He speaks with clarity because these lessons came from personal experience. At one point, he realized that despite deep spiritual growth, something essential in his life was missing.

From Slabodka to Self-Discovery

After immersing himself in the Haredi world as a student at the Slabodka Yeshiva in Bnei Brak, Rabbi Tiomkin felt a growing inner tension. Spiritually, he was advancing, but other parts of his personality were being overlooked.

With the help of fellow returnees, he slowly identified the missing pieces. Today, he helps others do the same, guiding newcomers as they search for balance and direction.

These insights eventually led to his book, 'In the Place Where Those Who Return Stand'. The book presents a balanced perspective on life for returnees and was warmly endorsed by leading rabbis. Through it, Rabbi Tiomkin encountered the complex and deeply personal stories of many others on similar journeys.

Building Support for the Journey

Together with Rabbi Ofer Gisin, an experienced counselor for returnees, Rabbi Tiomkin founded the organization 'Maaneh'. The organization provides guidance and practical advice for those beginning or navigating their return to Judaism.

Their goal is simple: to help returnees build stable, healthy lives that integrate spiritual growth with real-world responsibilities.

“I Didn’t Jump Out of a Helicopter”

When asked about his own return to Judaism, Rabbi Tiomkin likes to quote musician Aharon Razel: “I didn’t jump out of a helicopter or escape captivity.”

His story is not dramatic, but it is deeply thoughtful. Growing up in Ra’anana, he was exposed to Torah after high school and army service. This exposure led to a relatively quick return to Judaism. Instead of attending a typical returnee yeshiva, he found himself learning at Slabodka.

How Did You End Up at Slabodka?

“Interestingly, it came through family connections,” he explains. “My mother comes from the Abramsky family, connected to Rabbi Yechiel Abramsky, who taught there. It felt like closing a circle.”

Was It Hard to Fit In?

“Those years were wonderful,” he says. “I met incredible Torah scholars and learned a great deal. But over time, I began to imagine that I needed to be exactly like them. I slowly lost touch with myself.”

What Changed?

“Sometimes Hashem places us in extreme situations to show us we are not on the right path,” he reflects. “I didn’t realize it then, but parts of my soul were looking for expression and growth in ways I wasn’t allowing.”

A turning point came through Rabbi Michael Bakhr of Ohr Somayach, who spoke openly about the need for balance among returnees. Even senior yeshiva rabbis supported this approach, warning that ignoring it leads to self-deception.

Rabbi Tiomkin summarized these ideas, first in a small booklet and later in a more developed work. Over time, this became a toolkit for identifying subtle challenges faced by returnees and addressing them honestly.

Don’t Erase Who You Are

Why treat returnees as a unique group? Shouldn’t they simply blend into the religious world?

“Returnees absolutely occupy a unique space,” Rabbi Tiomkin explains. “Our early experiences shape who we are. Erasing those layers is not what Hashem wants. Our personalities are filled with potential, talents, preferences, and dreams, not sins.”

Trying to pretend otherwise may work for a while, he says, but eventually authenticity resurfaces.

Expressing Uniqueness the Right Way

Does that mean expressing individuality openly?

“As the Chazon Ish said, ‘Be different, not peculiar.’ Uniqueness doesn’t have to be external. It can be expressed internally and in permitted, healthy ways.”

Creative fulfillment, he adds, is not only about choosing a career. It is about honoring what Hashem has entrusted to each person.

Creativity in the Haredi World

Returnees, Rabbi Tiomkin notes, are often pioneers in areas such as music, art, education, and consulting within the Haredi community. They bring skills and perspectives from their past into a holy framework, enriching the community as a whole.

Restoring Balance

In his book, Rabbi Tiomkin focuses on practical areas where returnees are especially vulnerable, including marriage, parenting, and finances. His goal is to prevent distorted thinking before it leads to serious problems.

“These areas are often neglected,” he explains. “Spiritual excitement can overshadow basic life needs. Relationships, children’s emotional worlds, and long-term stability can suffer if they are ignored.”

How Maaneh Helps

Maaneh offers free workshops and advisory services for returnees. A new guidance center, Together – Returnees in Israel, is launching soon. It will provide access to rabbis and professionals, creating a supportive environment where returnees can share experiences and find practical direction.

At its core, Rabbi Tiomkin’s message is simple but powerful: returning to Judaism is not about losing yourself. It is about discovering how your whole self can serve Hashem in a healthy, balanced, and authentic way.