Honoring Our Parents: A Sacred Responsibility

To understand the depth of respect Judaism requires toward parents, we must turn to the words of the Talmud. Honoring one’s parents is not presented as simple gratitude or good manners. It is a sacred obligation, deeply connected to one’s relationship with Hashem Himself.

Parents and Hashem: A Shared Honor

The Talmud teaches that the Torah draws a direct comparison between honoring parents and honoring Hashem. It states, “Honor your father and your mother,” and elsewhere says, “Honor Hashem from your wealth.” Just as we are commanded to honor Hashem, we are commanded to honor our parents.

Similarly, the Torah says, “Every person shall revere their mother and father,” and also commands, “Revere Hashem your God.” The sages explain that reverence for parents is likened to reverence for Hashem. Even stronger language appears regarding cursing parents, which the Torah equates with cursing Hashem.

Why is this so? The sages explain that there are three partners in the creation of a person: Hashem, the father, and the mother. Hashem provides the soul, while the parents provide the physical body. When a child honors their parents, Hashem says it is as if He dwells among them and is Himself being honored.

From a spiritual perspective, this means that a child must view their parents with the same seriousness and respect given to the Creator of the world, regardless of the parents’ social status, behavior, or perceived shortcomings.

When a Parent’s Request Has Limits

There is one important boundary to this commandment. If parents ask their child to violate the Torah, the child must not comply. Both parents and children are equally obligated to honor Hashem.

This principle is derived from the verse, “Every person shall revere their mother and father, and keep My Sabbaths; I am Hashem your God.” By placing reverence for parents next to Shabbat observance, the Torah teaches that obedience to parents never overrides obedience to Hashem.

However, when a parent’s request does not contradict Torah law, even something simple such as asking for help or asking a child to refrain from an action, the child should respond as if Hashem Himself issued the request.

Avoiding Pain and Bringing Joy

A central aspect of honoring parents is ensuring they are not distressed. One should constantly ask, “How can I bring my parents joy and satisfaction?”

Parents invest enormous effort, care, and sacrifice from the moment of birth through adulthood. This alone demands deep and ongoing gratitude. Even if parents did not personally raise the child, the obligation remains, because they were partners with Hashem in bringing the child into existence.

Lessons From the Talmud

The Talmud illustrates this commandment through powerful examples.

One famous story tells of Dama ben Netina, a non Jewish man living in Ashkelon. He lost a major business opportunity involving precious stones because the key was under his sleeping father’s pillow. Rather than wake his father, he chose to forgo the profit. The following year, Hashem rewarded him by blessing his herd with a rare red heifer, which he sold for exactly the amount he had lost.

Another account describes how he endured public embarrassment from his mother without protest, demonstrating extraordinary restraint and respect.

Rabbi Eliezer taught that one should not wake a parent unless it is for a mitzvah. Rabbi Tarfon exemplified this by allowing his mother to step on his back rather than a footstool when she needed assistance.

Rabbi Yosef would stand when he heard his mother approaching and say, “I rise before the Divine Presence,” reflecting his understanding that honoring parents is inseparable from honoring Hashem.

Honor and Reverence Defined

The Torah presents two distinct obligations: honoring parents and revering parents.

Honoring parents includes providing for their needs, assisting them, and ensuring their comfort. The Torah promises long life for fulfilling this commandment.

Revering parents involves deep respect, such as not contradicting them harshly, not sitting in their designated place, and not addressing them by name. The Torah deliberately switches the order when discussing honor and reverence to address natural emotional tendencies children may have toward each parent.

When a parent asks for something that may be incorrect, the child should not correct them directly. Instead, they should phrase it respectfully as a question, preserving their parent’s dignity.

Practical Guidance From Jewish Law

The Shulchan Aruch outlines clear guidelines for honoring parents. A child may not challenge their parents’ words, call them by name, or undermine their authority. Even if a parent is mistaken or acts improperly, the child must respond with patience and respect.

This obligation continues even after parents pass away. A child honors them by attributing teachings to them, mentioning them respectfully, and acting in ways that bring merit to their souls.

A Value for Every Generation

Honoring parents is not only a personal mitzvah but a foundation of Jewish life. It teaches humility, gratitude, and recognition of Hashem’s role in creation.

By treating parents with dignity and reverence, we strengthen families, preserve tradition, and pass on a value that must be instilled in every generation.