Embracing Change: The Journey of Growth in Cheshvan

The phrase "after the holidays" has become a common saying in Israel to describe any process of change or new beginnings that we wish to implement but postpone until... "after the holidays" – a new job, a new semester, a new diet, showing kindness to a colleague, and so on. So what happens if we indeed did the inner work required during the month of Tishrei, reflected on our desires for the new year, experienced uplifting spiritual moments in such a short time, made decisions, and mapped out a new path toward the goals we set for ourselves? What comes next?

The Only Month Without Holidays

Now we enter the month of Cheshvan, which is referred to by our sages as "Mar Cheshvan," because it is the only month of the year without any holidays. It is also called the month of "Bul," referring to the withering grass in the field (from *Sefer HaTanya*). We have reached autumn, the falling of leaves, and the return to our daily routines after the holidays. Why is this? After such an elevated month filled with holidays, events, and commandments, why do we suddenly find ourselves in the only month of the year without any festivity? Our sages remind us that this is the time when the grass in the field withers, marking the short period of autumn leading into winter. The weather cools down, days become shorter and darker, and nights grow longer. People tend to retreat into their homes and... return to routine and everyday life. Why, then, after such an elevated month filled with insights, revelations, commandments, and resolutions, do we suddenly land so quickly back into routine?

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch explains this wonderfully in his book *B'maagalai Hashana*: "We spent a period of holiness and upliftment... and this period, which is the highlight of a Jew's life during the year, endowed us with the treasure of a life filled with happiness before Hashem and bestowed upon our lives a new elevation. Did we truly purchase this priceless treasure permanently, in such a way that this treasure becomes our possession? Will we, even after returning to our everyday lives, continue walking before Hashem with that redeeming purity... with that willpower, joy, and peace? Or will our purity quickly fade, and we will once again become enslaved to our impulses, leading joy and peace to vanish from us...?".

From Rabbi Hirsch's words, we see that the phase in which we are asked to prove that we did not merely experience uplifting experiences in Tishrei and that our reflections and decisions were not in vain is in the month of Cheshvan. This is the exact point where we are challenged to show that we can channel everything we absorbed into our daily lives and bring it into our home, family, work, studies, and the routine of the entire year. This is a time of testing, whether we only had uplifting experiences without internalizing them and bringing them into our daily actions or if we succeeded in integrating the insights, realizations, changes, desires, and resolutions we made into everyday living.

After I completed my coaching internship, I returned to ask the women I had coached during that time if they were applying the insights and lessons we extracted in practical ways in their daily lives. I discovered that some had indeed applied the concepts and improved their abilities, while others remembered coaching as a time of spiritual uplift, self-discovery, insights, resolutions, etc., but later returned to their comfort zones without making the desired change. I understood that in every coaching or change process, there is a moment of free choice even after the process of awareness and contemplation – whether to revert to my previous place or to move forward. In coaching, this is called 'stepping outside your comfort zones' or 'the learner's cycle,' where one experiments and learns and continues on an upward path.

So what, then, caused some of the women to continue on and make the desired change, while others became discouraged and gave up on any action toward the awaited transformation?

The Secret of Small Actions

While I was in the U.S., I met a Jewish businesswoman who succeeded remarkably and gracefully in all areas of life. I couldn't hide my curiosity and asked her what her secret to success was. She agreed to share her wisdom with me, giving me a life lesson: "Everything I do differently from others is just 'a little more.' I do everything like everyone else, I just add a bit more effort than I can, and that little bit makes all the difference...". In the uplifting words of Rabbi Wolbe: "When we arrive at the practical world, everything depends on small actions... This is the wisdom of building a person. The great world is not built from massive blocks but from tiny atoms that the eye cannot discern. Thus, our spiritual building as individuals is formed. This knowledge should revolutionize our thinking... What completeness can emerge from tiny actions that do not burden a person? However, the truth is: it is precisely from small actions that a person is built."

I realized that women I coached, who envisioned the big vision and looked only at the final point, became discouraged from making large and strenuous steps and settled for their situation. In contrast, those who broke down the journey into small intermediate stations and took a small step managed over time to achieve the desired change. Therefore, in every coaching process, it is always emphasized to the client to focus – what is the first small step that they can take toward their goal starting tomorrow morning. This is how it is in life as well; we framed a vision for the new year – what happens now, in Cheshvan, as we return to routine? Now it depends on us! In our work in the practical realm.

Big Steps - Not in Our Book

At first glance, it seems odd – why take small steps rather than big ones toward the goal?

Firstly, as previously mentioned, the first reason is so that we do not, God forbid, become discouraged by the gap between reality and aspiration. We set such a grand and uplifting vision, and the journey is long. If we only look at the final destination in our vision, we may become discouraged by the gap and forget that, in reality, Hashem is only waiting for our effort, for the small step within our ability to take right now. 

The second reason is that Judaism places a strong emphasis on the process and journey we need to undergo, not just on the goal itself. Therefore, in *Parashat Bereishit,* we see that the world was created step by step, even though the Creator could have created the world in one moment. The reason things were stated in this way is to hint to us that the process is an important, essential, and necessary part of this world for our growth, and we should not give up on it. This is true in every coaching process. The learning process of the coachee is very important, step by step, to build firm and clear foundations for change, and to check at every step what was there, whether we succeeded or not, and how exactly we did it to learn further and continue on the path.

The third reason, as Rabbi Wolbe explains: "Small actions do not awaken the rebellious force." That is, they do not provoke that destructive force present in each of us when we seek to grow, develop, and enact positive change. In large actions, Rabbi Wolbe explains, a person feels weighed down. A big change will stir the rebellious force within to kick in and hinder progress. In contrast, with small actions, the rebellious force does not operate, allowing one to make a secure, stable change that will hold over time.

The Decisive Moment

It's typical in coaching processes, and sometimes after the holidays, for a person to experience a fall or drop during the return to routine. This is exactly the moment where the secret of the small step comes into play. This cycle of self-discovery and activating the tools acquired and learned from the time of the holidays is very important, as this is the decisive point regarding the entire process. The decisive point is - will I think about the grand vision and the considerable distance from it and become discouraged, or will I take the solution that the sages offer me - and focus on my next small step, on what I can do right now, which is within my sphere of influence (and not in my sphere of worry), with confidence and trust in Hashem?

Interestingly, the month of Cheshvan, a time when the rains begin, starts precisely in *Parashat Noach*, the portion of the flood, during which the people of that generation perished because they did not understand the importance of the small step and gave up right from the start on doing what was right. They thought they could not reach the level of morality that Hashem expects of them, would not achieve the lofty vision of being "a human being," and would not arrive at the high purpose that Hashem designated for them. In contrast, Noach came out of the ark after the flood, and when he saw the total, terrible destruction of the whole world, he recognized the kindness that Hashem had shown him in saving him. He didn't quite know how to thank Hashem for such a grand and enormous thing, and decided to build an altar for Hashem. At first glance, a small act by a man who didn’t know how to express his gratitude to the Creator of the World for his salvation. However, from the portion, we discover that Hashem loved this small step so much that as a result, He promised never to bring total destruction like this upon the world again. At first glance, a small act by one person, but we see that this act gave rise to a promise for all humanity throughout the generations.

I can only wish that we merit bringing all our insights, realizations, and decisions into our daily lives, both in Cheshvan and throughout the year.