Torat HaChaim: Torah-Based Therapy and Rescue Support

The taxi stops in the town of Yad Binyamin, in front of the building of “Merkaz Torat HaChaim.” It’s a gloomy morning, gray clouds gathering together in the sky, rain is on its way, and the air is especially cold.

But in the face of the smile of Ora Mordoff, the coordinator of the treatment center and a therapist herself, who comes out to greet us, it seems that even the sun’s rays peek out for a moment from between the clouds. When you enter the well-kept and impressive building, you discover that the smile is contagious. By the coffee corner, students of the therapist-training school who arrived early greet us while preparing hot drinks, a relaxed smile on their lips. The office staff also smile warmly, and it’s already possible to forget the weather outside.

Ora’s office looks small, warm and pleasant like her, but from this quiet, modest corner, many threads are tied together with one goal: to bring about the best possible treatment for those who turn to them.

“The match between therapist and client is very important. It’s part of the foundation on which the success of the therapy rests. I try to feel the person on the phone, to sense what will suit him or her in order to reach the best possible match. Of course, all this while keeping sensitivity and the caller’s privacy. And naturally, even afterward I continue to follow up occasionally with phone calls to the client, to check whether they’re satisfied or if there’s a need to make a change.”

The Source: Torah Alone

Not very long ago, there were almost no Torah-true therapists. That does not mean that there were no problems – but people “from our world” to treat them were almost nowhere to be found.

Over the last years a big wave has taken place. Dozens of training institutes, courses, and even academic tracks intended for the religious public have opened – to the point that today the market is flooded with therapists, maybe even more than clients.

However, despite the abundance of religious therapists, many of them study in programs whose curriculum is based on modern psychology or on other methods whose source is not Judaism. Of course, the material is filtered and adapted, but the source is foreign.

Does our holy Torah contain tools for treating emotional and mental problems? At the Torat HaChaim Treatment Center they believe there is absolutely no need for external theories. The therapeutic answers – even for the most complicated problems – can be found in the Torah itself.

In the office of Or Harnic – a young man with a pleasant manner and deep gaze, the director of the treatment center – we try to understand this more deeply.

At first glance it seems the Torah is meant for a healthy person, and that psychology is meant to treat all the “crookedness” and problems.

“Obviously the Torah is not meant only for the already-perfect person. What is the Torah for, if not to straighten out our entire inner world – our thoughts, our heart, and also our actions?” wonders Or. “This is not our invention; these are explicit verses. This statement also appears in the Rambam, who wrote: ‘And what is the remedy for those whose souls are sick? They should go to the sages, who are the healers of souls.’ In the Torah itself there is the inner, deep view of the soul, from which the ways of help and treatment are derived.”

But psychology can also help.

“That’s a question I’m asked a lot,” Or says. “Many add: ‘You wouldn’t send someone with a physical illness – with an infection – to a rabbi to cure him. So why do you make a distinction here?’ But we mustn’t forget that there is a very big difference between healing the body and healing the soul. The body of a Jew and a non-Jew is the same, so studying medicine and the like can certainly be done from non-Jewish sources. But the souls of a Jew and a non-Jew are different. So if I take tools that helped non-Jews, that absolutely doesn’t mean those tools will help a Jew.

“Besides, psychology for the most part does not rest on measurable scientific research, but on many theories that have no solid research basis. These are hypotheses that mostly rely on the personal worldview of various theoreticians – and if that theoretician thought man descends from the ape, he interpreted things in light of that assumption.”

To illustrate the difference between foreign psychological views and the Torah’s view, Or brings an example from one of Freud’s well-known distinctions between the “superego” and the “ego.”

“Freud saw the moral and ethical system – essentially, everything good within a person – as something external to the person, imposed on him by education, social norms, religion, and so on. The true desire of the person, in his eyes, belonged to the more animalistic and low parts. The ‘true desire’ is supposedly trampled by the superego. By contrast, according to the Torah, the soul is the deepest and highest part of the person. It isn’t external – it’s part of him. Our goal in therapy is to uncover that part. The person will not be crushed or trampled. On the contrary: he will grow and shine.”

But a Haredi psychologist will surely bring his Jewish worldview into the therapy.

“If his training was based on foreign theories, in the end those are what he will bring into the therapy,” Or explains. “True, you can filter, critique, insert a Torah worldview – but in the end, the professional foundation is resting on foreign theories that see the soul differently than our holy Torah does.

“Let’s take an example: a person suffering from greatly heightened sexual impulses. We aim to treat the root of the problem. What looks, on the surface, like crudeness and animalistic desire is actually a ‘fallen love.’ That is, this person has a great divine capacity for love, which he is not aware of. That power has fallen into a negative place – into the realm of ‘fallen’ love. Our goal in treatment is to connect that power back to the high place it belongs – to connect it to love of other people, to a flourishing marriage, to love of God. People discover things about themselves they didn’t know, things they never imagined existed within them.”

Can a student who has learned Torah for years become a therapist just from the Torah he learned?

“The fact that all the knowledge, practice, and tools come from the Torah does not mean that every Torah learner can automatically become a therapist,” Or clarifies. “There are three layers in training: a knowledge layer – knowing the structure of the soul, what causes various emotional illnesses, familiarity with different practices and tools. There is another layer of skill – a person needs to practice using the techniques and tools. And of course a layer that comes from the person’s own inner work – developing high self-awareness, refining one’s character traits, which allows a deep and real understanding of oneself and of the person in front of you, without projecting yourself onto others, and so on.”

“Faith” Is Not a Preached Lecture

“We don’t ‘preach emunah. Faith and connection to Hashem are indeed the foundation, and from there come happiness, abundance, joy, and emotional health. But the way to build a life and perspective of emunah and a precise stance before Hashem is not through sermons and mussar speeches. Rather, we try, with God’s help, to lead a person in the course of therapy to a connection to Hashem that comes from within himself.

“Faith is a topic that comes up many times in therapy conversations: sharp questions, expressions of pain, distance, even anger. ‘Why did this happen specifically to me?’ And very often we are dealing with people who went through very difficult crises or abuse. We don’t run away from the questions. On the contrary, we place them on the table. The clarification is part of the therapy. The answers are not ‘dropped from above’ by the therapist, but are part of the deep process we go through together with the client, until he reaches a place of wholeness with himself and with his life, with God’s help.”

Do people with academic background and experience also come to your therapist-training program?

“Definitely. We have many students who come here after years of study and experience. Many of them feel a lack at a certain point – they want to bring Torah into their therapy. They are willing to dedicate time and learning for that.”

Have there been therapists who started their path with you specifically as clients?

“A very central part of our therapist-training is their own inner personal work,” Or says, “and this is one of our main criteria in certifying therapists. It doesn’t end at the end of the course. Every therapist must constantly be engaged in his own inner work – that is the only thing that allows deep and real understanding of the soul, without forcing the other person into molds.”

“Releasing the Prisoners”

He hides his difficulty deep in his heart. He is convinced that if anyone in his surroundings knew about it, their attitude toward him would change. He would become rejected, despised, low. And his parents – they, most of all, must never know. It would break their hearts.

From the side, he sees his friends marrying one after another. Building homes. After a year or two – a first child. Then a second child. He envies them. He is certain he will never merit this. No one understands why he keeps rejecting shidduch suggestions. They think he’s picky. They have no idea what the real reason is.

He has a heart; he doesn’t want to make a woman miserable who will suffer from not having a husband like all other husbands.

So for now he suffers and torments himself, certain that he has been sentenced to live in this prison, in loneliness and pain, perhaps until the end of his life. Because this is a Torah prohibition. But he knows that the very Torah that forbade him, also gives him the tools to heal.

Various and diverse problems reach the therapists at Torat HaChaim. One of the areas where the treatment center has the highest rate of success is a problem that is uncomfortable to bring up – especially in our community – but unfortunately, quite a few suffer from it.

“Today there are approaches and studies that say same-sex attraction is something inborn, genetic. There are also approaches and studies that prove the opposite,” says Or. “We hold by the second approach: Hashem created man upright. Even someone who suffers from same-sex attraction – in his original nature he was a person with normal attractions, and something caused this change.”

But in reality he doesn’t feel that way.

“He feels the opposite, that’s true,” Or explains. “Often he doesn’t notice or isn’t aware of the thing that caused the change. We can testify that in all the many cases that came to us, we were always able, together with the client, to identify the factor that caused the change in the natural tendency. There are several factors that can flip a person’s attraction. For example, in many cases it is a childhood abuse. An abuse that the client himself does not necessarily remember – but it exists and creates an impact. The abuse created a crack in the soul in the sexual realm and led to attraction toward his own gender.

“Another factor that can cause a change in the natural attraction is the absence of a male figure in the environment. For example, a child who grew up among sisters and the father was not a dominant figure at home. The strong need for a father figure can often create a change in the natural orientation. In therapy sessions we raise the topic openly – we’re not frightened, we don’t judge, we try to feel out the root and treat it – and, with Heaven’s help, the success rates are amazing.”

We know it’s a Torah prohibition, yet it seems you accept the clients and their struggle.

“There is no prohibition in the fact that a person has same-sex attraction,” Or says. “It’s a big test, and someone who withstands it is a tzaddik. I truly feel admiration for young men and married men who come to us with same-sex attraction and have guarded themselves and their souls. May we merit to stand in their presence in the World to Come. And even for those who stumbled, in the end our goal is to help them restore their natural orientation – and we are engaged only in that.

“I don’t see that all kinds of rebukes and increasing their guilt is helpful. On the contrary – most of them come to us already eaten up and tormented by guilt and self-hatred. As mitzvah-observant people, they are very aware of the Torah prohibition and feel defective and distant from Hashem. Part of the work is precisely to help them feel how much Hashem loves them.”

The Path of Baalei Teshuvah

“We work a lot with baalei teshuvah,” Or relates. “A few years ago we held a large study day on this topic. Baalei teshuvah are an amazing public – they stand in a place where even complete tzaddikim do not stand. But unfortunately, they also face very many difficulties. The huge transition they made in their lives is something extremely hard. Their entire reality simply changes, and that is not easy for the soul, and without tools and proper guidance, all kinds of problems can be created.

“Some baalei teshuvah tend toward extremity and expect that from their surroundings as well. They see the Torah in black-and-white terms. Our Sages taught us that ‘serving the Torah scholars is greater than learning from them.’ Someone who grew up in a natural religious environment knows how to balance the different complexities and aspects of the Torah, because he saw it at home – he knows what it looks like. But a baal teshuvah knows the Torah from books, and can therefore come to confusion in relation to his own capacities and those of his surroundings.”

Can some of them feel nostalgic for their secular past?

“When that kind of longing exists, it stems from a distorted understanding of serving Hashem that leads to a sense of suffocation,” Or explains. “When a person feels good on the path of Hashem, he is not supposed to be longing for his past. Our goal is, together with them, to find the path that suits them personally so they can feel happy and express themselves within the framework of Torah.

“A baalat teshuvah once came to us and said sadly: ‘Once I was happy; I loved to dance and sing. Today it’s forbidden for me.’ That’s a mistake. It is permitted to dance and sing – but in the proper and correct way. Or a baal teshuvah who in his past was an active person, a man of action, and now thinks he must only sit and learn all day – and as a result feels frustrated and suffocated. It's important to examine whether that really suits him and his character.”

What about treating very severe mental issues – do you have a response for that too?

“For everything there is a solution, with God’s help,” Or says. “Hashem doesn’t bring things upon a person in order to get him stuck, Heaven forbid, but only to help him grow. Of course, we do everything according to the law – we don’t take responsibility for the medication side and we don’t do psychiatric diagnoses; when needed, we refer to a psychiatrist.

“We’ve had the privilege to work with people in very difficult situations, diagnosed with schizophrenia and the like – and, thank God, they progressed greatly. Some of them really recovered completely, by Hashem’s kindness.

“It’s important to emphasize: we don’t believe in sticking labels on people. It’s true that many people have similar symptoms, and often there are similar factors behind different mental illnesses. But every person is different. The events he has encountered are different, and what he’s gone through is meant for his personal tikkun – and therefore the treatment paths for each person are different.”

Will the person be healthy and not need medication at all?

“That’s the goal, and it is possible,” answers Ora. “We’ve had quite a few people who reached full recovery even from very serious conditions. Of course, the success rates differ between psychotic illnesses and things like depression and anxiety, but if a person is willing to work, it is possible to recover from anything – and even grow from it.”

“I Am With Him in Distress”

To believe him or not? For a moment, Limor hesitates, then goes back to packing her suitcase with her few belongings.

This time it will be different. That’s what he promised. He sounded like he used to sound – soft and kind. People make mistakes. And he said he had learned from his mistakes. That’s what he said, asked forgiveness, and promised to take her out to a restaurant as compensation.

In a drawer she finds an expensive gold necklace he once bought her. She puts it on. He will surely be happy to see her adorned with his necklace. Maybe they really will be able to start over and forget what happened.

Besides, does she have any other option? Her money is running out, the landlord is threatening to evict her, her parents have long since cut off contact, and she has no friends.

She calls a taxi and, in the meantime, wraps herself in a veil. The last thing she needs now is curious questions from the driver. Let him think she’s an Arab woman – that’s best.

Five minutes later, the taxi is waiting downstairs.

When the driver hears the address of the Arab neighborhood, he doesn’t say a word. But in the mirror he looks at the young woman huddled in the back seat. Is it his imagination, or are there Jewish, frightened, and sad eyes peeking out from under the veil?…

Recently, the Torat HaChaim treatment center joined in cooperation with the Hidabroot organization.

Or explains: “The harsh reality speaks for itself, and the statistics are frightening and painful. We felt a need to take action and asked to cooperate and take part in the activities of Hidabroot, who literally risk themselves for issues of holy Judaism and the saving of lives and souls. We have, in our center, a team of skilled therapists with a lot of goodwill, who can help women who need it so badly. We feel that a blessed partnership lies ahead of us, joining the broader framework of the organization while adding experienced professional therapists for Hidabroot to use. Our goal is to help and join with the organization in the part of rescuing these women emotionally from their mental captivity – which is really the true rescue.”

Treating captive women is surely a very big challenge.

Ora: “In a certain way it resembles working with youth at risk – something we already have many years of experience with. These women come without trust in the world, without trust in themselves, and it seems as if they’re doing everything so that we too will stop believing in them. But our role is to continue to discover faith in them, despite everything.

“From the outset we come with patience, with willingness for hard work and long processes. Therapy with them is very different from regular therapy where there is a weekly session and a therapeutic process. Here, treatment also includes support, listening, and accompaniment during the week, and sometimes even hosting them at the Shabbat table. We want to give them a feeling of warmth, of someone who cares and is always there. In the end, it seeps inside.”

And on the level of the therapeutic process itself?

“There are several factors that need to be addressed: low self-worth, lack of trust, despair about the possibility of having a good life, and more. Each factor is treated differently.

“For example, many of them come under deep emotional and mental captivity. Even when they are suffering, they still cling to the illusion of love. They can say things like, ‘I can’t live without him,’ ‘I only want him.’

“We work together to clarify: is it him that you can’t live without, or something else that you need? Slowly we get to the root point – the need for love, for trust, for someone who cares. We reach the understanding that it’s not him, but rather her legitimate and understandable need for love.

“Another example is the issue of despair. Many of them don’t believe they can ever build a faithful Jewish home with a husband who will love them. ‘How will I ever find someone normal?’ they ask in despair. Obviously, it’s a question that has a basis – it really isn’t simple to rebuild a life. But it is possible, with God’s help. Our goal is to break through the wall of despair – for example, by working with the power of imagination, a technique we use a lot. Trying to picture herself in a good future. Opening an inner door for light.”

And here too you don’t come at them with accusations about intermarriage and leaving the Jewish people?

“Similar to those who come to us with same-sex attraction, these women are filled with suffering and self-flagellation,” Ora answers. “They don’t need rebuke from us, but acceptance, and especially a sense of a loving place that will always receive them. Of course, without giving legitimacy to the relationship itself.

“You have to understand the painful state they’re in. In many cases they have been abandoned by their parents, marked by their surroundings and community, erased and lonely – which causes them to cling even more tightly to the relationship with the Arab man. We certainly cannot do to them what the whole world has already done to them – rather, we must be with them and awaken in them again faith: in the world, in themselves, and in Hashem.”

Dikla had not planned her first pregnancy this way. She thought it would happen around age twenty-five, after she had settled into stable work and found a suitable husband. From time to time she thought about it – about that first child who would be born to her. How much she would love and care for him. She even had two names in mind already – one for a boy and one for a girl.

But when the unexpected pregnancy appeared, she was just at the beginning of her secretary studies, working hard shifts as a cashier, and the partner didn’t want at all to build a home with her – he simply left.

Her parents were angry at her – “how irresponsible” – and pressured her to have an abortion. Her friends also tried to convince her that she “mustn’t ruin her life” by becoming a single mother.

And she was so confused. Poor baby, she thought. But what about me? I’m also poor. What do I do?

And really – what do you do in such situations?

“It really isn’t simple,” Ora agrees. “Through Hidabroot, we received a broad window into the world of a woman and her pregnancy in all its aspects. Our role is to provide a real answer for women they refer to us. Our starting point is that a woman wants her baby. That’s a woman’s nature. So why does she reach the point of wanting an abortion? Because of difficulty, confusion, various pressures, difficult life circumstances, and so on. But the natural will exists in every woman – and the most important thing is to understand that life is not in our hands to ‘stop’…

“It’s true that many women see the fetus as a burden or even a destructive intruder who ruined their lives,” she continues. “But something caused that perception. In therapy we need to break down the difficulty and identify its roots. Why does she feel this way? Where does it come from? From different fears? From others’ reactions? From self-blame? Usually the negative flood of emotions can be very well understood – it has a realistic basis. Some of these women are alone, their parents pressure them to have an abortion and even threaten to abandon them if they don’t. They have no partner taking responsibility, no financial backing. With God’s help, we try together with the women to find a real answer to each fear and to find the strength and inner resources to cope with the various challenges. We believe with all our heart that one does not lose by doing Hashem’s will.”

Maybe they should have thought about all this beforehand, before they “got themselves into this.”

“Of course,” Ora says, “but we don’t come from that place of judging and blaming and saying sentences like, ‘You brought this on yourself.’ The reality is that it has happened – and the accusations don’t help. The question is: what do we do now?”

Or adds: “The goal of therapy is to give a woman the strength and tools to cope with the correct choice and then with the mission of raising the future child. We must relate to her challenges and think together with her what to do and how, so that she can cope and live in a good and correct way with everything that comes along with it.”

“We’ve heard from Hidabroot,” he continues, “that from experience with thousands of cases, the frightening thoughts that grip women during the pregnancy usually do not come true – especially when they receive the necessary support and guidance. 

The visit comes to an end. During the time spent in the warm, pleasant center, rain has fallen outside and washed the paths and sidewalks. Droplets hang from the leaves of the trees, sparkling like crystal in the sunlight that has come out from between the clouds.

There’s a pleasant feeling of freshness in the air, and the world seems renewed and brighter than ever.