After a Decade of Waiting, Our Miracle Finally Arrived

"We got married young, so when a year passed without children, we weren’t too worried," Ziva Monsengo recounts. "Two years in, while couples around us were starting families, we began to realize we might be facing something unusual. Even then, I remained calm. We started a series of tests, and after three years of investigations, doctors assured us that natural conception was still possible."

Rabbi Elran and Ziva Monsengo now reside in Shoham. Rabbi Elran serves as the rabbi of the 'Zachor LeAvraham' community, while Ziva works in writing and both contribute to religious activities in their area. After many years of waiting, they were blessed with children. In this interview, Ziva opens up about their painful and prolonged struggle.

"Making an Effort"

How long did you wait for children?

"After seven years of marriage, still childless despite optimistic evaluations, we sought counsel with Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu, of blessed memory. He blessed us and said, 'Do your part and pursue treatments, but remember, Hashem's salvation can happen in the blink of an eye.' Ziva explains that Rabbi Eliyahu supported them throughout the process, emphasizing that phrase repeatedly. She notes that back then, more than 20 years ago, fertility treatments were not as advanced and success rates were much lower.

At that time, they lived near the Kedumim Yeshiva, where Rabbi Elran studied before their marriage. Their neighborhood was filled with young couples and families with many children.

Living in a youthful neighborhood surrounded by growing families, while yours remained childless, what were those years like for you?

"Naturally, I'm a social person, and connections were vital to me. Although there were times I felt like withdrawing, I quickly realized solitude led to depression. We tried to stay engaged and make friends.

"The challenge was in conversations. Naturally, mothers raising children often talked about parenting, leaving me feeling isolated. From this difficult experience, I've learned to be more sensitive to other women's struggles in various areas."

Ziva recalls that although they were known and connected in their community, during holidays like Simchat Torah, she chose to stay home. "Simchat Torah is a children's holiday—dancing with them on shoulders, blessings under the tallit, and candy giveaways. It was too painful."

What were the reactions from those around you about your childlessness?

"I could write a book on the types of reactions," Ziva mentions with a half-smile. Some people responded with sensitivity and support, yet they also encountered tactless comments.

To raise awareness about sensitivity, she shares a few anecdotes: "In my family, there's someone skilled in cake baking, who often gifted cakes to female relatives. Years passed without us receiving one. When I gently inquired, the stinging reply was, 'Don’t ask; they might think you're pregnant.' I learned it was best to not bring it up again."

Another time, when their first son Yehonatan was born after a long wait, someone remarked, "Lucky he's the spitting image of your husband; that confirms he's really yours." Ziva still finds such tactless comments astonishingly hurtful.

Profound Connection to Hashem

Did you have any moments of questioning or anger towards Hashem during those years?

"There was no anger, but there was immense pain and many questions, even though I understood it was all divinely orchestrated. I spoke often with Hashem, explaining why it was worth giving me children, how I'd raise them in the Torah and mitzvot path. In the hardest times, there was also silence—a silence expressing pain so deep it left me wordless."

What were your sources of strength during that time?

"I had two dear friends who supported me with sensitivity, without needing details. These social connections are crucial, as the struggle to have children can strain a marriage. The spouse is also burdened with pain and frustration, so having an empathetic external figure for support is vital.

"One friend once gifted me a beautifully decorated notebook, suggesting I write about my journey. It was wonderful advice. I recommend it to anyone facing challenges, in any area. The notebook became a place to pour everything out. Every comment from medical staff, rabbis, or others—whether negative, positive, or neutral—was recorded. It helped me clear my mind."

Ziva shares another source of strength during those years: "I often sought solitude in nature, wrote poems, and prayed. Now, I can truly say those were years of unique closeness to Hashem. I believe anyone facing hardship experiences a profound connection to the Divine. During such times, prayers and deeds hold tremendous potential to elevate the Jewish people in ways we desperately need. Yet, I pray no one else faces this trial," she adds with sincerity.

The Miracle Happened

Ten years into their marriage, Ziva faced a medical procedure that doctors said would entirely remove her natural ability to conceive. "I was adamantly opposed. Seeing the doctors didn’t grasp the gravity for us, we consulted a private doctor. He agreed to modify the procedure, ensuring it was minimally invasive, despite other doctors' warnings it was a mistake and we should rely solely on treatments."

The procedure required a follow-up weeks later, but hospital renovations delayed it. That's when the miracle occurred. That month, Ziva naturally conceived their first son, Yehonatan, born nearly eleven years into their journey.

"We felt like dreamers. We couldn’t believe the miracle had happened. We went for test after test to ensure it wasn't just a fantasy," Ziva recalls with emotion. Yehonatan was the first of five children who naturally followed, one after the other. "Hashem opened the gates for us," she says.

Their challenges, yet also miracles, didn’t end there. "At 38, after five children, we re-entered the fertility world. My desire for another child was as strong as if we hadn’t been blessed before." Over seven years, Ziva endured many unsuccessful treatment cycles and four consecutive miscarriages.

"Days before a final treatment, when it was clear this was medically the last chance, I took action. I visited the synagogue, opened the ark, and beseeched Hashem: 'This is our last chance. I've done everything possible for seven years, please help us succeed.' I ended with the prayer 'Please save the troubled soul quickly.' I felt my power was gone, and I relied solely on Him." Weeks later, the Monsengos were joyfully informed the treatment succeeded and Ziva was pregnant.

"During mid-pregnancy, we were told our son had a heart issue. Doctors predicted severe additional problems, including syndromes and physical deformities, recommending termination. Ziva firmly opposed despite unpleasant medical feedback. "I asked the doctor, 'If he was born and problems emerged later, would you then suggest killing him? To me, at this pregnancy stage, he's already alive.'"

The child was born via surgery, slightly early, and went straight to neonatal intensive care. Ziva recalls, "When my husband visited him in the NICU and returned, I asked, 'Honestly, is he deformed, as the doctors claimed during pregnancy?' Rabbi Elran replied, 'Not at all. He’s beautiful.'" Ziva shows pictures of the boy, now nearly two, full of joy with bright, mischievous eyes.

Due to the heart issue, the child was hospitalized for three months and underwent complex heart surgery to fix the problem. Today, thank God, he's healthy and almost developmentally on par with his age, except for a regular medication. The issue he was born with has no further implications, thank God.

"Open a Pathway"

What message do you want to share with others who know couples longing for children?

"First and foremost, simply be our friends, unrelated to whether or not we have children.

"Also, be sensitive. Ensure couples feel comfortable and don’t pry into personal details or offer unsolicited medical advice. Trust that those facing this challenge are knowledgeable about it.

"And it’s always nice to send a small treat or gift saying, 'We’re here for you.' We received such gestures over the years, warming our hearts. Again, offer them with great sensitivity and little commentary. Just stay attuned to ensure the couple isn’t fading from pain.

"To women who are waiting, I say: Hashem is omnipotent. Show how much you desire. On Chana’s story, it’s noted that Penina tormented her not out of malice, but to demonstrate the power of prayer and not to resign oneself quickly. If you have the willpower and desire intensely, show Him, Hashem, how much it matters to you.

"Additionally, women sometimes seek my advice on infertility, primary or secondary, and I tell them: 'Begin at least with basic efforts, even just open a file at a clinic and ensure your tests are fine. Open a pathway for Hashem's blessing—He'll open the gates.'"

Despite various struggles, Ziva insists on ending with this message: "Sometimes people pray intensely for a specific goal, requesting something concrete from Hashem. Yet, they don’t realize that even if Hashem hasn’t granted that precise wish yet, He provides abundant blessings all around. We just need to open our eyes to see."