11 Years of Waiting and a Promise Fulfilled: A Journey to Parenthood

It's not easy being a young couple waiting year after year for a child, experiencing disappointment at every turn. "It wasn't easy, but we weren't pitiable," recalls Gitty Bornstein of the long years of waiting. "I got married at nineteen, very young, and in the first few years, I didn’t feel any pressure. Even the doctor I visited couldn’t find a problem, so I let the time go by peacefully."

But as the years passed and pressure from those around them grew, Gitty and her husband sought advice from Rabbi Chaim and Rebbetzin Kanievsky, of blessed memory, who reassured them. The Rebbetzin advised, "We live in a generation trying to bypass Hashem and go straight to doctors. Instead of treating the soul, they treat the body. Accept some things upon yourself, and Hashem will take it upon Himself." Meanwhile, Rabbi Chaim told her husband, "Check the mezuzahs and make sure they are of high quality." Surprised by the lack of a specific blessing or directive for treatments, they received only spiritual guidance. "We felt that even the Rabbi and Rebbetzin weren’t worried, so our situation wasn’t truly severe.

"We immediately replaced all the mezuzahs in the house with high-quality, expensive ones. Personally, I accepted different resolutions, became more cautious of gossip, and committed to early Shabbat observance. We continued to wait."

In Limbo

The wait can be harder than action. How many years did you wait like this?

"Five years passed this way. It wasn't easy not to break down as the days and months rolled by without news. I cried a lot, but we always tried to rise from the pain and strengthen each other. I'll never forget the Chanukah twelve years ago. A friend of my husband’s mentioned the significance of praying on the eighth night ofChanukahfor children. Both of us sat by the candles and prayed wholeheartedly. During thatChanukah, my father brought me two special silver fish-shaped pendants. My grandfather had bought them for us with instructions to engrave the letter 'Hey,' saying that Hashem added the 'Hey' to Abraham and Sarah, resulting in their blessing with children.

"Suddenly, many others around us did things without coordination, seeking merits for us: A mother from the daycare I run organized fortywomento make a challah for our sake, my mother-in-law added my name to recite a thousand books of Tehillim, my sisters and sisters-in-law recited Shir Hashirim after welcoming Shabbat, it was endless. 

That week, my husband returned to Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky to seek his blessing again. Rabbi Chaim advised two specific actions: performing the mitzvah of shiluach haken (sending away the mother bird), which is traditionally regarded as a segulah, a spiritual practice believed to bring merit for having children, and giving a chomesh, meaning donating one fifth (20%) of one’s income to charity.

We committed to these acts and were also blessed by Rabbi Elyashiv. That month was uplifting and emotional for us. I cried more than ever, feeling broken. 'I can't wait any longer, I have no strength left to cry, please, Master of the Universe, grant me to be a mother!'"

Did salvation come?

"Indeed, the gates of heaven opened, and we were blessed. The excitement was immense. In Hashem's grace, everything proceeded smoothly, without fear or medical interventions, and our daughter was born gracefully on the 9th of Cheshvan. Everyone rejoiced with us, hoping that now abundance would flow and we'd be blessed with many more close-knit children. A first daughter often signifies sons to follow, they said, and from now on, expect sleepless nights and being busy with Hashem's blessings.

"I was still dazed from the immense joy that befell me, and didn't pay much attention to the subtle pressure within all the congratulatory blessings. I focused on our little treasure, thanked Hashem for every moment, and was genuinely happy.

Photo: Chava Rachel

"Our daughter grew and progressed. She was no longer a small baby and filled us with joy and satisfaction. As time went on, we yearned for another wonderful blessing like her. She was already four, five, six, and seven while we once again tasted the bitterness of agonizing waiting."

Photo: Chava Rachel

Did the wait become another test?

"Indeed. Pressure from those around us became pronounced. Everyone bothered to offer new advice and unknown segulot. Well-meaning people with loose tongues were a significant part of the challenge, soaking up the questions, blessings, and prying advice. We couldn't always block all phone numbers of callers or avoid hearing them every time we went out.

"We continued to pray and request children. Our daughter joined in her own plea, while the family continued praying on our behalf. Our daughter never let go of her dream for siblings, and of course, we didn’t let go either. We returned to doctors who calmly assured everything was fine. We weren’t satisfied with that. When hearing about a certain treatment possibility that might help even if all seemed okay, I started the treatment but quickly collapsed. We clung to prayers and supplications, accumulating merits. Our only daughter had reached ages eight, nine, and ten, yet still, no news appeared on the horizon."

Financial Crisis

Gitty notes significant events taking place within her extended family during those years. "About ten years earlier, my brother-in-law channeled his energy into business and quickly found blessing in his endeavors, his assets flourished. He worked hard, established investment firms, and many invested with him, witnessing high returns. He didn't keep his wealth to himself; he generously supported needy families, distributed food and clothing vouchers, funded a kollel, and gave more than his tithes willingly. He was a true man of charity; within the family, he was known as someone you could rely on in time of need, with some family members benefiting regularly from his generosity. His wealth wasn't flaunted. He didn’t move to a lavish villa; he stayed in the same modest apartment in Bnei Brak, on the fourth floor without an elevator. His wealth never blinded him or changed him. It’s important for me to stress this and not to wrong those involved. The collected rumors circulating about him, including the phonied stories, distorted the basic truth, and it pains us.

"All of us appreciated and loved him, so when he asked for a signature to guarantee a bank loan before opening another business, none of us had a reason to refuse. At least, that’s what we thought. We assumed it was a purely 'formal' signature, a requirement by the bank merely to transfer the necessary loan amounts needed for his business, so we signed easily. None of us anticipated the massive loans he took on, and somehow, many family members and friends co-signed without knowing the others did the same. Until Hashem willed it, and suddenly, everything halted within a single moment, four years ago."

What happened? How did a successful businessman suddenly fall?

"In our era of rapid communication, where messages travel faster than the speed of light, a significant reason isn’t needed for a downfall. My brother-in-law didn’t entangle himself with funds or intentionally mislead anyone. He wasn’t schemed by swindlers nor fell into a trap. He simply fell into the mouths of inquisitive individuals, and that was his downfall.

"It took just one person to ask for their investment back and hear the logical response of 'the money isn't immediately available, come back to me in a day or two and I’ll arrange it,' to start the fire. Naturally, when money is invested in an asset, it isn’t sitting idle in one’s wallet. With a large sum, it’s clear to anyone sensible to coordinate before retrieving the money. However, the bird of the sky didn't delve into the details. It simply spread the word, within a day, everyone knew that my brother-in-law was in financial trouble. Investors worried about their money rushed to him demanding immediate repayment. Lenders who had loaned him money wanted it back, and investment firms also demanded immediate cash. The overwhelming rush worsened the situation. He attempted returning the cash he had on hand, withdrew all he could, and emptied his investments too quickly.

"It didn’t take more than a day, and the irresponsible rumors turned him bankrupt. My brother-in-law didn't know what to do. He consulted his lawyer, who immediately advised him to flee abroad before the major firms he invested with would sue him. And the family still knew nothing. The collapse was swift and sudden without rhyme or reason. He took his family, boarded the first plane available, and fled.

"The following morning, investors turned to court, and the court appointed a receiver to seize all of his accounts. The funds he prudently and carefully invested vanished, the long-term contracts dissolved instantly, and all expected future profits disappeared forever. The bank foreclosed their home, and the abyss appeared deeper than ever. Yet we still hadn’t grasped who else fell into the ditch with him."

What do you mean? Did his crisis drag others down?

"Indeed. Only that afternoon, we remembered signing surety for him. Had the loans been repaid? Would they be demanded from us? We didn’t know. Like us, many more were revealed to have signed as guarantors, naively, on varying amounts. Soon enough, everyone received demands for repayment. These were loans on the scale of large business owners, and as simple individuals, we didn’t know how to cope.

"It wasn’t long before the investment firm sued us in court. We had no chance of paying the enormous sums, so requested a settlement with the company. The company's owners refused, and court proceedings dragged slowly. We had to pay a fortune to a lawyer representing us in court while fear and stress about the court ruling gnawed unrelentingly. The loan amounted to hundreds of thousands of shekels. 'You signed, you pay!' the judge told my husband indifferently. For four years, we were caught in turmoil of financial claims, courtroom hearings, stress, and fear. In the end, we settled the amount into payments. Meanwhile, rumors continued to circulate about my unfortunate brother-in-law.

"It was hard for us as well to think about him. From our perspective, the worst part was that during all that time we received no word of contact from him. He cut ties, leaving us with the broken pieces to handle. My husband waited for an apology, an explanation, perhaps guidance on who might demand payment from us and on how much, yet no phone call arrived. Only my mother-in-law knew where they were living and maintained contact with them. We were left with the longing and pain, suffered from their flight severely, and couldn’t understand them. The question marks soon turned into a severed, anger-filled, painful relationship, whilst we continued to endure waiting for a child."

A Nearby Friend

Several years later, Gitty and her husband received a wedding invitation in the United States from close friends. They decided to attend and, knowing that the brother and sister-in-law who had fled lived nearby, agreed to visit them as well.

“My mother-in-law told us that my brother-in-law’s eldest daughter was celebrating her bat mitzvah and asked if we could take part in their joy,” Gitty explains. “My husband wanted to surprise his sister, but he was firm that he would not meet his brother-in-law, who had hurt us deeply and caused us serious financial loss. To make sure they wouldn’t meet even by accident, we checked his work schedule carefully and arrived unannounced while he was at work.”

They climbed the stairs with Gitty’s ten-year-old daughter beside her, her heart pounding. The plan was for her husband to stay in the car, but he couldn’t resist and followed with a camera, hoping to capture the moment while equally nervous.

“The bat mitzvah girl opened the door and called out, ‘Mom, look who’s here!’ Her mother glanced at us and collapsed onto the couch. The shock was too much for her. We were horrified that we had frightened her and gently helped her recover. The rest of the visit was filled with tears. We didn’t mention the rift or the debts. I was simply happy to see my beloved sister-in-law, and they were overjoyed to see family. The children showed us their rooms, and my niece asked me to attend her bat mitzvah. I agreed.”

Unbeknownst to them, the sister-in-law phoned her husband to tell him they had arrived. About forty minutes later, he came home. Gitty and her husband were upstairs when they suddenly heard the youngest child call out, “Dad, we have guests!”

“My husband froze. After four years of pain, he could not face him. Instinctively, we withdrew to a room and refused to come out. The situation was unbearably tense. My sister-in-law begged us to come, my husband could not move, and I stood helpless between them. Eventually, my brother-in-law left, deeply hurt. We left soon after, shaken and confused.”

They returned to their hosts, focused on the wedding they had come for, attended the celebration and Sheva Brachot, and prepared to return to Israel.

“Later, I managed to attend my niece’s bat mitzvah alone with my daughter. No one suggested another meeting. The gathering was small, with almost no family present. Seeing their loneliness up close struck me deeply, and compassion filled my heart.”

Just before their departure, Gitty’s mother-in-law called, asking them to reconsider and meet her son-in-law. She urged forgiveness and reconciliation, describing how he had left an important meeting the moment he heard they were in town, and how devastated he was when they refused to see him. Her pain was evident, but Gitty’s husband remained firm. He felt he could not do it, and in the end, there was neither the time nor the emotional readiness for such a meeting.

A Promise from a Mother’s Heart

They extended their stay abroad by another week, during which they received repeated calls from Israel.

“My mother-in-law spoke to me and my husband separately and together, again and again, pleading with us and trying with all her heart to persuade us,” Gitty recalls. “Despite everything, my husband remained firm. ‘After four years in which he showed no concern for our suffering, not even calling to ask how we were surviving after the collapse he caused us, how can I forgive him?’ he said. I understood his pain and stayed silent. But my mother-in-law did not.”

She reminded them of the story of Miriam Gabay, who, after years without children, was told by Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach that if she did something beyond her obligation, Hashem would grant her something beyond what she was owed. “You are not obligated to make peace,” her mother-in-law said, “but think of the upheaval this could create in Heaven.”

Then, overcome with emotion, she added tearfully, “Gitty, I promise you: if you reconcile and forgive, within nine months you will hold a baby boy in your arms.” Gitty said Amen and began to sob. Alarmed, her husband took the phone, and his mother repeated the promise to him as well: “I promise this will happen. Say Amen.” She cried in Israel, they cried in America, and their tears seemed to rise together. Their hosts were stunned. “How can anyone promise such a thing?” they asked in disbelief.

Yet Gitty’s mother-in-law explained, “I am speaking from a broken mother’s heart. There has been no peace in our family for four years, and I long for peace. After all the prayers, blessings, and segulot you have tried, one thing remains: there is no vessel that holds blessing like peace. If you rise to this test, you will see my words fulfilled.”

How did you respond to such a promise?

“We hung up, and I couldn’t stop shaking,” Gitty says. “My husband was deeply moved by his mother’s pain and realized the weight of honoring one’s parents. As difficult as it was, he truly wanted to try. Late that night we decided that, if everything worked out, we would agree to meet on Saturday night. We informed my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law.”

Shabbat passed heavily and quietly. “We tried to strengthen our faith, reminding ourselves that everything that happened to us came only from Hashem. We worked to release the anger from our hearts and make space for the meeting that awaited us.”

On Saturday night, the brother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived at their hosts’ home. They heard the knocking and hesitated. Gitty’s husband was tense, unsure what would happen or what he would say. “I told him, ‘Just go with it. Whatever will be, will be.’ I opened the door.”

The brother-in-law entered and walked straight toward her husband, embracing him with emotion and longing. “That single hug melted years of ice. We women were already in tears, and within moments the atmosphere shifted.” The two men closed themselves in the living room for half an hour. For the first time, Gitty’s husband heard the full story.

While they had been battling banks and lawsuits, the brother-in-law had been forced to flee, knowing he could never return. He lost everything, carried the weight of his family, and was shattered. The advisor he consulted urged him not to think about what he had left behind. “Everyone is angry, everyone is suing you, and you cannot help them. If you dwell on it, you will collapse completely. You must detach and focus only on rebuilding your family.” He followed that advice, convinced that everyone hated him, unaware of how deeply he was missed and how much people waited for his call. The distance grew into silence.

That night, after four years of pain, the two brothers-in-law emerged reconciled, calm, and full of renewed affection.

Gitty concludes with emotion: “A week after we returned to Israel, we received the greatest news of our lives. Hashem answered us immediately with blessing. The first person we called was my mother-in-law. Her promise had been fulfilled. Our sweet Israel was born on the 9th of Cheshvan, exactly nine months after the reconciliation on the 9th of Adar Aleph. And remarkably, on that very same date eleven years earlier, his older sister had been born. How wondrous are the ways of Hashem.”