11 Years of Waiting and a Promise Fulfilled: A Journey to Parenthood

It's not easy being a young couple waiting year after year for a child, experiencing disappointment at every turn. "It wasn't easy, but we weren't pitiable," recalls Gitty Bornstein of the long years of arduous waiting. "I got married at nineteen, very young, and in the first few years, I didn’t feel any pressure. Even the doctor I visited couldn’t find a problem, so I let the time go by peacefully."

But as the years passed and pressure from those around them grew, Gitty and her husband sought advice from Rabbi Chaim and Rebbetzin Kanievsky, of blessed memory, who reassured them. The Rebbetzin advised, "We live in a generation trying to bypass Hashem and go straight to doctors. Instead of treating the soul, they treat the body. Accept some things upon yourself, and Hashem will take it upon Himself." Meanwhile, Rabbi Chaim told her husband, "Check the mezuzahs and make sure they are of high quality." Surprised by the lack of a specific blessing or directive for treatments, they received only spiritual guidance. "We felt that even the Rabbi and Rebbetzin weren’t worried, so our situation wasn’t truly severe.

"We immediately replaced all the mezuzahs in the house with high-quality, expensive ones. Personally, I accepted different resolutions, became more cautious of gossip, and committed to early Shabbat observance. We continued to wait."

קרדיט צילום: חוה רחל

In Limbo

The wait can be harder than action. How many years did you wait like this?

"Five years passed this way. It wasn't easy not to break down as the days and months rolled by without news. I cried a lot, but we always tried to rise from the pain and strengthen each other. I'll never forget the Chanukah twelve years ago. A friend of my husband’s mentioned the significance of praying on the eighth night of Chanukah for children. Both of us sat by the candles and prayed wholeheartedly. During that Chanukah, my father brought me two special silver fish-shaped pendants. My grandfather had bought them for us with instructions to engrave the letter 'Hey,' saying that Hashem added the 'Hey' to Abram and Sarai, resulting in their blessing with children.

"Suddenly, many others around us did things without coordination, seeking merits for us: A mother from the daycare I run organized forty women to make a challah for our sake, my mother-in-law added my name to recite a thousand books of *Tehillim*, my sisters and sisters-in-law recited *Shir Hashirim* after welcoming Shabbat—it was endless. That week, my husband returned to Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky asking for his blessing again. Reb Chaim told him about two specific actions: sending away the mother bird, which is a *segulah* for children, and giving a *chomesh* to charity. We committed to these acts and were also blessed by Rabbi Elyashiv. That month was uplifting and emotional for us. I cried more than ever, feeling broken. 'I can't wait any longer, I have no strength left to cry, please, Master of the Universe, grant me to be a mother!'"

Did salvation come?

"Indeed, the gates of heaven opened, and we were blessed. The excitement was immense. In Hashem's grace, everything proceeded smoothly, without fear or medical interventions, and our daughter was born gracefully on the 9th of Cheshvan. Everyone rejoiced with us, hoping that now abundance would flow and we'd be blessed with many more close-knit children. A first daughter often signifies sons to follow, they said, and from now on, expect sleepless nights and being busy with Hashem's blessings.

"I was still dazed from the immense joy that befell me, and didn't pay much attention to the subtle pressure within all the congratulatory blessings. I focused on our little treasure, thanked Hashem for every moment, and was genuinely happy.

"Our daughter grew and progressed. She was no longer a small baby and filled us with joy and satisfaction. As time went on, we yearned for another wonderful blessing like her. She was already four, five, six, and seven while we once again tasted the bitterness of agonizing waiting."

Did the wait become another test?

"Indeed. Pressure from those around us became pronounced. Everyone bothered to offer new advice and unknown *segulot*. Well-meaning people with loose tongues were a significant part of the challenge, soaking up the questions, blessings, and prying advice. Not always could we block all phone numbers of callers or avoid hearing them every time we went out...

"We continued to pray and request children. Our daughter joined in her own plea, while the family continued praying on our behalf. Our daughter never let go of her dream for siblings, and of course, we didn’t let go either. We returned to doctors who calmly assured everything was fine. We weren’t satisfied with that. When hearing about a certain treatment possibility that might help even if all seemed okay, I started the treatment but quickly collapsed. We clung to prayers and supplications, accumulating merits. Our only daughter had reached ages eight, nine, and ten, yet still, no news appeared on the horizon."

קרדיט צילום: חוה רחל

Financial Crisis

Gitty notes significant events taking place within her extended family during those years. "About ten years earlier, my brother-in-law channeled his energy into business and quickly found blessing in his endeavors, his assets flourished. He worked hard, established investment firms, and many invested with him, witnessing high returns. He didn't keep his wealth to himself; he generously supported needy families, distributed food and clothing vouchers, funded a kollel, and gave more than his tithes willingly. He was a true man of charity; within the family, he was known as someone you could rely on in time of need, with some family members benefiting regularly from his generosity. His wealth wasn't flaunted. He didn’t move to a lavish villa; he stayed in the same modest apartment in Bnei Brak, on the fourth floor without an elevator. His wealth never blinded him or changed him. It’s important for me to stress this and not to wrong those involved. The collected rumors circulating about him, including the phonied stories, distorted the basic truth, and it pains us.

"All of us appreciated and loved him, so when he asked for a signature to guarantee a bank loan before opening another business, none of us had a reason to refuse. At least, that’s what we thought. We assumed it was a purely 'formal' signature, a requirement by the bank merely to transfer the necessary loan amounts needed for his business, so we signed easily. None of us anticipated the massive loans he took on, and somehow, many family members and friends co-signed without knowing the others did the same. Until Hashem willed it, and suddenly, everything halted within a single moment, four years ago."

What happened? How did a successful businessman suddenly fall?

"In our era of rapid communication, where messages travel faster than the speed of light, a significant reason isn’t needed for a downfall. My brother-in-law didn’t entangle himself with funds or intentionally mislead anyone. He wasn’t schemed by swindlers nor fell into a trap. He simply fell into the mouths of inquisitive individuals, and that was his downfall.

"It took just one person to ask for their investment back and hear the logical response of 'the money isn't immediately available, come back to me in a day or two and I’ll arrange it,' to start the fire. Naturally, when money is invested in an asset, it isn’t sitting idle in one’s wallet. With a large sum — it’s clear to anyone sensible to coordinate a bit before retrieving the money. However, the bird of the sky didn't delve into the details. It simply spread the word, within a day, everyone knew that my brother-in-law was in financial trouble. Investors worried about their money rushed to him demanding immediate repayment. Lenders who had loaned him money wanted it back, and investment firms also demanded immediate cash. The overwhelming rush worsened the situation. He attempted returning the cash he had on hand, withdrew all he could, and emptied his investments too quickly.

"It didn’t take more than a day, and the irresponsible rumors turned him into a bankrupt. My brother-in-law didn't know what to do. He consulted his lawyer, who immediately advised him to flee abroad before the major firms he invested with would sue him. And the family still knew nothing. The collapse was swift and sudden without rhyme or reason. He took his family, boarded the first plane available, and fled.

"The following morning, investors turned to court, and the court appointed a receiver to seize all of his accounts. The funds he prudently and carefully invested vanished, the long-term contracts dissolved instantly, and all expected future profits disappeared forever. The bank foreclosed their home, and the abyss appeared deeper than ever. Yet we still hadn’t grasped who else fell into the ditch with him..."

What do you mean? Did his crisis drag others down?

"Indeed. Only that afternoon, we remembered signing surety for him. Had the loans been repaid? Would they be demanded from us? We didn’t know. Like us, many more were revealed to have signed as guarantors, naively, on varying amounts. Soon enough, everyone received demands for repayment. These were loans on the scale of large business owners, and as simple individuals, we didn’t know how to cope.

"It wasn’t long before the investment firm sued us in court. We had no chance of paying the enormous sums, so requested a settlement with the company. The company's owners refused, and court proceedings dragged slowly. We had to pay a fortune to a lawyer representing us in court while fear and stress about the court ruling gnawed unrelentingly. The loan amounted to hundreds of thousands of shekels. 'You signed, you pay!' the judge told my husband indifferently. For four years, we were caught in turmoil of financial claims, courtroom hearings, stress, and fear. In the end, we settled the amount into payments. Meanwhile, ill rumors continued to circulate about my unfortunate brother-in-law.

"It was hard for us as well to think about him. From our perspective, the worst part was that during all that time we received no word of contact from him. He cut ties, leaving us with the broken pieces to handle. My husband waited for an apology, an explanation, perhaps guidance on who might demand payment from us and on how much, yet no phone call arrived. Only my mother-in-law knew where they were living and maintained contact with them. We were left with the longing and pain, suffered from their flight severely, and couldn’t understand them. The question marks soon turned into a severed, anger-filled, painful relationship, whilst we continued to endure waiting for a child."

קרדיט צילום: חוה רחל

A Nearby Friend

Several years later, Gitty and her husband received a wedding invitation in America from good friends. They decided to attend and, knowing from her mother-in-law that the brother and sister-in-law who fled lived nearby, agreed to visit them. "My mother-in-law told us that my brother-in-law's oldest daughter was celebrating her *bat mitzvah* and asked if we could participate in their joy. My husband decided to surprise his sister," clarifies Gitty, "He was adamant not to meet with his brother-in-law, who had hurt us so deeply and caused us significant financial loss. To ensure they wouldn’t meet even by accident, we researched and verified all details of my brother-in-law’s work schedule. We arrived at their home without coordination, exactly when he was at work. We climbed the stairs step by step, with my ten-year-old daughter by my side, and my heart pounding. According to the plan, my husband was supposed to remain in the car, but he couldn't resist and followed us with the camera in hand, ready to capture the initial reaction while equally apprehensive.

"The bat mitzvah girl opened the door and exclaimed in surprise, 'Mom, look who's at the door!' Her mother came, gave a quick glance, and collapsed unconscious on the couch. The shock was beyond her ability to bear. We regretted frightening her and carefully revived her. The rest of the meeting was filled with much crying and tears. We didn’t discuss the severance or debts; I was just happy to see my beloved sister-in-law, and they were thrilled to see someone from the family. The children quickly showed us their rooms, my niece asked me to attend her *bat mitzvah* party, and I agreed.

"Yet unexpectedly, my sister-in-law phoned her husband, informing him of our arrival without realizing the lengths we went to avoid such an encounter... Forty minutes later, he arrived home, profoundly excited, and we had no knowledge. We were upstairs with the girls when suddenly, we heard the little one call from below, 'Dad, we have guests!'.

"My husband froze in fear. How could this happen? Was it really so easy and without our permission that his brother-in-law arrived? He couldn’t fathom standing face-to-face with him after four years of hardship and stress caused by him. Instinctively, we retreated to a room and refused to come out. The shock was too deep. It was a very uncomfortable situation. My sister-in-law pleaded for us to come out, my husband stood frozen inside, and I was caught in the middle, not knowing what to do. Eventually, my brother-in-law left the house, profoundly disappointed, while we fled their home confused and emotional. We returned to our hosts' apartment, tried to relax, and focused on the wedding celebration we came for. We attended the wedding, participated in *Sheva Brachot*, and were about to return promptly to Israel.

"One day, I managed to attend my niece’s *bat mitzvah* party without anyone daring to propose another meeting between my husband and brother-in-law. I was at their home with my daughter, saw the small gathering celebrated with no family presence, and sensed their immense solitude up close. Their exile’s starkness hit me suddenly, and compassion welled within me for them.

"Our luggage was packed, ready for return to the homeland, when my mother-in-law called, requesting we meet my brother-in-law—her son-in-law. She urged us to overcome and forgive, finally reconcile with him. She recounted how he rushed from an important business meeting he anticipated for months the moment he heard we were at their home, and how hurt he was not seeing us eventually, and having been driven off from his house. Her words were very sorrowful, but my husband remained firm in his refusal. He felt he couldn’t do it, and indeed, we didn’t have time for long trips and meetings."

קרדיט צילום: חוה רחל

A Promise from a Mother’s Heart

They delayed another week abroad, during which time they received repeated calls from Israel. "My mother-in-law spoke to me and my husband separately and together, again and again, conveying messages and passionately persuading us. Despite everything, my husband obstinately refused to meet his brother-in-law. 'After four years of him not regarding our hardship, not even calling to see how we survived the crash he caused us, how can I forgive him? How?' he reasoned. I understood and stayed silent. But my mother-in-law did not remain silent. She reminded us of Miriam Gabay’s story, who, after being childless for ten years, received a promise from Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, ztz"l, that if she did something she wasn’t obligated to, Hashem would grant her something He isn’t obligated to. My mother-in-law said, 'You are not obligated to make peace either, but think of the great stir this will make in heaven.' Suddenly, she was enlightened, and tearfully said, 'Gitty, I promise you: if you reconcile and forgive, I promise you that within nine months you will embrace a baby boy. I said Amen and began to cry hysterically. My husband, alarmed, took the phone and his mother repeated the promise to him as well: 'I promise you this is what will happen, say Amen.' She cried in Israel, we cried in America, and our tears reached heaven. Our hosts were startled to understand what had happened, unable to fathom: 'How dare she promise such a thing?'

"However, my mother-in-law explained: 'I’m saying this from a mother’s broken heart. There’s been no peace in the family for four years, and I want peace. After all the *segulot* you’ve done over the years, the prayers, the promises and blessings from the Rabbis, there remains only one thing: 'There is no vessel that holds blessing like peace.' If you stand the test and give in, you’ll see my promise fulfilled.'"

How did you react to the exceptional promise?

"We hung up the phone, and I couldn’t calm down. My husband was also moved by his mother's tears, realizing there was a great matter of *kibud horim* from the Torah. Despite the immense difficulty, he truly wanted to fulfill her request. Late at night, we decided, informed my mother-in-law and sister-in-law that if everything worked out, we might meet on Saturday night.

"A reflective and heavy-hearted Shabbat passed. We strengthened our faith that only Hashem caused us to fall into this debt, and no one else. We reminded ourselves of the divine decree that was made upon us, and no person truly controls another's fate. We tried to erase anger and pain from our hearts, making room for the poignant meeting.

"On Saturday night, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived at our hosts' home. We heard their knocks on the door, not daring to open. My husband was nervous and anxious, unsure of the outcome and words to say. I told him, 'Go with the flow, whatever will happen, will happen.' I opened the door, and my brother-in-law entered. He stepped directly towards my husband and embraced him with warmth and longing. His hug melted away the ice, we women immediately contributed our tears, and the mood quickly turned warm. The two men closed themselves in the living room for half an hour, hashing out the matters, only there my husband heard firsthand what his brother-in-law had experienced.

"It turns out that while we were battling with banks and claims, my brother-in-law was abruptly exiled, knowing he could never return to the country, stripped of his assets, and burdened with a family. He was broken and full of remorse, needing a difficult rehabilitation period to stand on his feet again. The advisor he consulted strongly advised him not to think about what he left behind. 'Everyone is angry, suing you, and you cannot help them, nor pay your debts. If you dwell on it, you’ll break down more and won’t be able to recover. Now, you mustn't dwell on the past, but completely detach and focus solely on your family’s future. There’s no alternative,' he was told. My brother-in-law followed his advice, thinking everyone hated him, not realizing how missed he was, and how everyone awaited his contact. The divide became a reality. Finally, after four years of pain and longing, my husband and his brother-in-law smoothed things over, emerging from the room reconciled and at ease, concluding the meeting filled with great love."

Gitty reaches the heart of the story, ending with excitement: "A week later, upon returning to Israel, we received the greatest of tidings. Hashem repaid us immediately with a blessing. The first to hear the outstanding news was, of course, my mother-in-law. Her promise was fulfilled. Our sweet Israel was born on the 9th of Cheshvan, exactly nine months after the day of reconciliation on the 9th of Adar Aleph. Interestingly, on the same exact day, eleven years earlier, his big sister was born. How wondrous are the ways of Hashem."