The Foundations of a Healthy Marriage: Commitment, Communication, and Trust

Long-term studies show that there are several key factors essential for maintaining a healthy and stable marital relationship:

Commitment

Commitment means being devoted to the relationship that has been formed, so that nothing harmful can damage or interfere with it. A strong sense of commitment creates stability and gives both partners confidence that the relationship is worth protecting and nurturing.

Communication

Communication includes verbal expression, openness, honesty, and mutual influence. Healthy communication is built on reciprocity — each partner both affects and is affected by the other. Good communication takes into account the needs and desires of both spouses.

Without proper communication, the chances of a relationship surviving become very slim. A marriage lacking meaningful communication does not allow for growth or for facing life’s challenges together.

Loyalty and Faithfulness

Loyalty is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It is a fundamental human need and a prerequisite for creating stable, consistent relationships.

Betrayal is defined as harm to the relationship and makes it impossible to achieve stability. Loyalty exists on multiple levels of life: in the workplace, among friends, within the nuclear family, and most critically, in marriage. It is essential for building trust and emotional security.

The Need for Security: Maslow’s Perspective

Psychologist Abraham Maslow described the hierarchy of human needs. At its base are survival needs such as food, water, and sleep. At higher levels are the needs of belonging, love, social appreciation, and security.

The need for security within marriage is a basic, legitimate, and essential requirement for emotional survival, growth, and development. Knowing that one’s relationship is stable over time provides emotional and physical security and allows a person to invest energy in other areas of life.

A sense of security enables growth and advancement through Maslow’s hierarchy. Without feeling secure in marriage, individuals will struggle to cope effectively with challenges, solve problems, or deepen emotional intimacy.

Why People Compromise for Security

Because the need for security and loyalty is so fundamental, people are often willing to compromise on other values to meet it. For example, men and women may compromise on appearance, financial status, or education in exchange for warmth, loyalty, and emotional safety.

When discussing loyalty and security, we are referring to emotional, physical, and financial faithfulness and loyalty to the marital and family bond.

When Loyalty Is Missing

In many cases, betrayal reflects the offender’s own inner insecurity and instability. This insecurity often stems from a deep emotional need for external validation and confirmation of self-worth.

A person who does not trust themselves often finds it difficult to perceive the world as a safe and stable place. Such individuals may assume others are also untrustworthy, projecting their own lack of loyalty onto those around them. As a result, they emotionally justify their own harmful behavior.

Those who experience chronic mistrust and emotional disloyalty in marriage, family, or work often develop suspicious and hostile behaviors. These patterns systematically damage relationships and destroy any attempt at building trust.

In such situations, individual or couples therapy is strongly recommended. Therapy can help uncover the roots of disappointment and emotional pain and assist in rebuilding the marriage and restoring trust.

Couples who do not trust each other or doubt the sincerity of their partner will find it extremely difficult to maintain a successful marriage. They often become trapped in cycles of suspicion, insecurity, and instability, which block personal and relational growth, fulfillment, and a sense of success.

How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal

Rebuilding trust requires open and honest communication and a genuine desire from both partners to restore the relationship. If one partner has violated trust, denial is counterproductive. Instead, sincere remorse, accountability, and a willingness to process the pain together are essential.

The offending partner must convey a clear message that the mistake is acknowledged, change is possible, and the betrayal will not recur. This approach can help restore the relationship to a place of trust and security.

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires commitment from both sides. Effort from the offending partner does not automatically guarantee forgiveness from the injured partner. Rather, it expresses a sincere desire to heal the relationship.

This journey often includes ups and downs and moments of crisis. However, when there is love and genuine willingness, it is worthwhile to invest effort and attempt to rebuild trust before making a rushed decision to dismantle the marriage.

Avraham Shaharbani is a couples and family counselor, addiction therapist, lecturer in family studies, and a member of the Israeli Association for Couples and Family Therapy.