Choosing Life After Loss: A Torah Perspective on Mourning and Renewal

In the Torah portion of Shemot, one of the harshest decrees ever imposed on the Jewish people in Egypt is recorded: “Every male child that is born, you shall cast into the Nile.”

The Sages in the Babylonian Talmud (Sotah 12a) add a profound and unsettling layer to this historical moment. They describe the agonizing dilemma faced by Amram, the leader of the generation at that time. In the face of Pharaoh’s decree, Amram concluded that bringing children into the world was futile. He rose and divorced his wife, and many among the Jewish people followed his example.

Miriam’s Courageous Voice

Within the darkness, a clear and powerful voice arose, the voice of Amram’s daughter Miriam. She turned to her father and said: “Father, your decree is harsher than Pharaoh’s. Pharaoh decreed only against the males, but you have decreed against both males and females. Pharaoh decreed only in this world, but you have decreed in this world and in the World to Come. Pharaoh’s decree may or may not be fulfilled, but you are righteous, and your decree will certainly be fulfilled.”

Miriam’s words touched Amram’s heart. He took his wife back, and the entire people followed his lead and returned to their wives. From this decision, Moshe our teacher was born, the redeemer of Israel.

The Sages do not merely recount this event. They place before us a deep existential question: how does one continue living when the shadow of loss hangs overhead? Is it right to continue building, loving, and bringing life into the world when danger feels so immediate and real?

The decision of Amram and his generation was clear. Life must continue, even at the cost of pain, uncertainty, and fear.

The Question in Our Generation

This question confronts us with great force in our own time. In the aftermath of the Simchat Torah massacre, many young men fell, leaving behind numerous widows. Severe illnesses and other tragedies also leave widowers and widows behind, and the heart asks: is it right and proper to continue living after such loss?

At times, a feeling arises, sometimes even an unconscious thought, that entering a new relationship is a betrayal of the spouse who passed away.

The Wisdom of the Sages on Mourning

The Sages address these emotions with great sensitivity. The Gemara (Moed Katan 27b) states: “A person should not excessively weep or mourn for the dead, but only to the extent established by the Sages. Beyond that, the Holy One, blessed be He, says: You are not more compassionate toward him than I am.”

This teaching does not minimize the pain of loss, but sets a healthy boundary for mourning, that allows life to begin flowing again. Divine compassion itself calls on a person not to sink into endless grief.

Here, the voice of Miriam, daughter of Amram, echoes across the generations. Mourning that prevents life from continuing may be harsher than the decree itself. Decrees harm the few, but prolonged despair harms the many, life itself, the next generation, and the future as a whole.

Continuing life is not forgetting, and it is not betrayal. It is a testimony to deep loyalty to the value by which the departed themselves lived, the value of life.