Cleaning the Heart for Passover: The Emotional Work We Often Forget

Amid the many preparations for the Passover holiday, many of us invest tremendous effort in reaching every hidden corner of the home. Window tracks, upper cabinets, deep drawers — every place, even the most concealed, is carefully inspected, lest a crumb of chametz or even a bit of dust be hiding there. 

The Emotional Dust We Leave Behind

Surprisingly — and perhaps not by coincidence, that same remarkable sensitivity to detail, that precise attention to every corner, does not always find expression in more internal spaces. In the realms of the heart, of relationships, of words left unsaid or perhaps said in a way that hurt, we tend to leave behind emotional dust that was never addressed. Remnants of tense silences, traces of old disappointments, moments of not being truly heard. Just like dust between the cracks, these emotions do not disappear on their own. They remain hidden and quiet, yet influential.

Passover as Inner Freedom

Passover, at its core, is a festival of freedom. We celebrate freedom not only from external bondage, but also from inner bondage: from constricting thoughts, from unresolved anger, and from habits that distance us from one another. Just as we do not forgo checking any drawer for chametz, so too it is fitting that we not forgo a gentle examination of what we may have left behind in the hearts of our children, our spouse, and sometimes even ourselves.

Have we stopped to consider what remained in the heart of a child who received criticism that was too sharp? What was etched into the heart of a spouse when we moved on without noticing a small pain they carried in silence? What does the dust that was never cleaned reflect, if not emotional remnants we left with our loved ones without tending to them?

The repair, contrary to what we might think, does not require a revolution. Often, a single gesture of listening is enough, one sincere word of connection, or a sensitive ownership of responsibility. Just as dust is removed with a gentle swipe of a cloth, so too in the heart — the essential movement is the turning toward the other: I saw, I noticed, and I want to repair.

Opening the Emotional Drawers

Passover is a time when we move objects, shift furniture, and empty contents that have been closed away for months. Perhaps this is also a quiet call to dare to move something within the heart, and to open an emotional drawer we have not touched in a long time. A time to ask forgiveness, to say a kind word, or simply to listen — not out of obligation, but out of a desire for genuine cleansing, and a wish to make room for what truly matters.

A Complete Home and a Complete Holiday

A home — even when it gleams, is not truly whole if there are hearts within it that feel neglected. The holiday — even when beautifully observed, is lacking if we have not made space for the emotional freedom of those we love. There is no need for grand declarations. One small turning toward another, one good intention, and a willingness to make room even for what cannot be seen, is enough.

And so, just as the dust on the shelves fades away, the dust in the heart can also disperse — if only we choose to look, to see, and to dare to clean even what was hidden deeper within.

Rabbi Dr. Yaakov Arenberg is head of the Arenberg Institute, the Institute for Marriage Counseling and Family Professions.