Breaking the Silence: Protecting Our Children Above All

In a family close to me, the mother is unfortunately abusing her child, and the husband remains silent. He is afraid of his wife and believes that his silence preserves peace in their home. Is he correct to behave this way?

The husband mistakenly believes that being nice and keeping quiet is what will heal the home, however this is a serious mistake. He is sacrificing his child for the sake of a false sense of shalom bayit. Someone who is afraid of their partner and cannot express an opinion does not achieve real peace in the home. In this case, he is also losing his child.

The father must step out of the position of niceness and silence and say clearly to his child: I was not there for you enough. I should have protected you. I am sorry, and now I want to fix this. This acknowledgment is not intended to condemn the mother, but to embrace the child. Recognition is the beginning of healing.

The father must create a clear boundary in the home, stop the illusion of peace, and urgently build a new framework. He must learn to say, “This is not how we speak to our child,” and make it clear to his wife: “If you are angry and want change from the children, I understand you, but not through shouting and humiliation. We need help.”

If the husband is afraid of his wife, he must remember that fear itself is the first sign of inequality, lack of emotional space, and sometimes even abuse. His silence may have preserved quiet, but it harmed him and harmed the children. Fear is a signal, not a decree. The path to repair begins when a person speaks the truth out loud, without apologizing for it.

The child comes before false peace, before fear of the mother’s reaction, and before the father’s fear. Ultimately, when the husband is determined to act for the sake of the family, truth and mental health, even his wife will, in the long run, respect him more.

If he is afraid to express himself, he is not respected in her eyes. If he learns to express himself and to protect the children, she may be angry at first, but over time she will respect him more.