Raising Children with Confidence: Jewish Parenting Principles That Build Self-Worth

“Educate a child according to his way,” says King Solomon. This single verse contains an entire world of sensitivity, personalization, and faith in a child — even in his less simple moments. To raise a child who knows he is worthy, even when he makes mistakes, even when he is overwhelmed or stormy, a parent must hold a steady inner space that is grounded, containing, and non-judgmental. There is no need to shout. There is no need to break. Following are several Jewish-rooted approaches that can help us become parents who raise not only “good children,” but souls who believe in themselves.

Teach the child that he is created in the image of God

No matter how a child behaves, his worth does not come only from his actions. His value is embedded within him by virtue of being created in the image of God — and that is where his strength must come from.

Speak to him with respect, even when you are angry

The Talmud teaches that words have the power to build or destroy. There is tremendous power in how we speak to a child in moments of failure. As parents, our responsibility is to guide rather than punish. The Sages teach that rebuke given with love is more readily received than harsh criticism. Correction must be done without humiliation — shame is a dangerous educational tool.

After all, it is said: “One who humiliates another in public has no share in the World to Come.” If that is true regarding a peer, how much more so regarding a child.

Praise character traits, not only achievements

Instead of saying, “Well done on the grade,” say, “I was impressed by your perseverance,” or “I noticed how much effort you put in.”

Give the child opportunities to choose

Free will is a foundational Jewish principle. When a child learns that he has choice and responsibility, he grows from a place of strength rather than fear.

Hug — even when it’s hard

A hug is repair. It is a small redemption. It says, “I am with you,” without words.

Create moments of calm, deep conversation, and present parenting. When a child has these moments, he learns to rest within himself as well.

Keep “good eyes” on your child

Even if the child broke something, even if he spoke harshly or hurt through his actions, remember that there is a soul within him. Within that soul is goodness waiting for someone to believe in, even when he seems far from the right direction.

We are not here to fix the child, but to walk alongside him

Each person has their own tikkun (repair) in this world, and every soul has its unique path. As parents, our role is to believe in our child even when he does not yet believe in himself. To give him an anchor that is not dependent on success, but rooted in the beauty and potential of his soul.

A child who knows he is worthy can grow without fear and is free to become exactly who he is destined to be.