Newly Married? What Every Couple Should Know from the Start

"We are a young couple at the beginning of our journey together. What should we focus on in our marriage so that we do not reach a point where we feel distant and unsure how to return to the closeness we once had?"

Accepting Real Differences

By their very nature, men and women are different, even when there is strong compatibility. Each partner brings their own personality, opinions, emotional world, needs, and expectations into the marriage. For this reason, the early stage of married life requires openness and acceptance. Couples must learn to embrace each other’s inner world, not try to reshape it.

At the beginning of marriage, two individuals who were once almost strangers begin building something new together. They invest emotionally in the relationship, shift their focus inward toward the marriage, and often learn to put aside some personal comfort for the sake of shared connection. This process is not always easy, but it is essential.

The First Year Builds the Foundation

The first year of marriage plays a crucial role in shaping the relationship. It lays the emotional and behavioral foundation for the years ahead.

Sefer HaChinuch explains that the mitzvah to bring joy to one’s spouse during the first year is meant to strengthen emotional closeness and help establish healthy habits of care, consideration, and connection. These patterns often remain for a lifetime.

Key Areas Every Couple Should Strengthen

Building healthy boundaries with parents
Couples must gradually establish clear and respectful boundaries between themselves and both families. This protects the marriage from unhealthy interference and helps the couple grow as an independent unit.

Developing open and respectful communication
Healthy communication means speaking honestly while also listening with respect. It means being able to express thoughts and feelings without fear, while remaining sensitive to the emotional world of the other.

Nurturing affection and emotional closeness
Expressions of love, warmth, and care are not luxuries. They are the emotional glue of marriage and should be cultivated with sensitivity and mutual respect.

Learning healthy ways to handle conflict
Disagreements are inevitable. The key is not avoiding them but learning how to approach them wisely, without overpowering, humiliating, or dismissing the other.

Balancing outside life with couple time
Work, studies, friendships, and obligations are important, but they should not come at the expense of the marital bond. A relationship thrives when the couple actively protects time, presence, and emotional availability for one another.

Do Not Ignore Small Problems

When a difficulty arises, it should not be dismissed with thoughts such as “It will pass,” “It’s not important right now,” or “Love will fix everything.” Ignored problems tend to grow. Addressing challenges early, gently, and honestly helps prevent deeper crises later on.

Rabbi Daniel Pinchasov is a lecturer, expert marriage counselor, and psychotherapist, author of the book, How to Build a Good Relationship