Reimagining Romance: Breaking Free from Childhood Illusions

"I’ll tell you the truth, I’ve always felt like our relationship isn’t it. I was just scared to say it.

"I never felt butterflies, I never felt excited by him. I didn’t feel the passion that Amir has for me, and I didn’t feel any passion for him.

"I decided that’s it. I have to follow my heart. I want to feel good. I deserve a romantic relationship filled with butterflies, excitement, and vitality, not such a dormant and cold relationship," said Efrat.

Questioning the Feeling

"Do you think Amir doesn’t love you?" I asked her.

"I think he loves me, even a lot. He does so many things for me. He wants me to be happy, to feel good.

"But he’s not exciting and doesn’t feel me. He doesn’t reach out to me. I can’t live in a relationship that dulls me like this," she complained.

Challenging the Belief

"Efrat, before you decide to break off this relationship, I want us to reflect together on the belief within you that a partnership is a romantic connection. The belief that if there is no romance, then there is not really love, because if there is love, there should also be romance.

"All the fantasies and images you have in your head about a couple’s relationship are fed by various stories and illusions you accumulated during childhood, and they are deeply etched within you. They are imprinted in your mind so strongly that you are convinced this is your true perception, and that it cannot be changed.

"Beneath this belief lies a deeper place that requires reflection. This romance gives you a sense of existence in life. All your life you waited for the man on the white horse to rescue you from the pains of life, and now that you have discovered he is not the knight on the white horse, you feel you cannot continue the relationship with him. You feel you must experience butterflies, you must feel excitement, you must feel that he revives and sustains you.

"The moment you find alternatives that give you existence and you cannot live without them, that is idol worship.

"As long as you do not release the ancient and childish perception that a good partnership must be a romantic one, according to the fantasies and images instilled in you through books, movies, and advertisements, you will remain trapped in this unsolvable cycle. It will not matter how many partners you change throughout your life, because no partner can give you the right to exist.

"This is an internal journey you will need to go through and discover."