Understanding Jealousy in Relationships: Insight for Modern Couples

“Does that make any sense to you? I feel suffocated by his constant attention. He keeps asking me where I was, where I went. He doesn’t give me any breathing space. Every move I make without him makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. I’m exhausted by his jealousy,” Roni complained.

“So, Ariz,” I turned to him, “what did you see in Roni? Why did you want to marry her?”

“I felt that I loved her. She brought so much joy into my life. She’s sociable, easygoing, and everyone loves her. Wherever she goes, people naturally gather around her,” he answered.

“Before you met Roni, did you ever feel lonely?” I asked.

“No, I had friends. But once we started being together, I felt more connected to her circle of friends,” he explained.

“Well, thank you for clarifying that you suddenly found much better company than the ‘losers’ you used to hang out with,” Roni said bitterly. “He felt good being part of my world. Doctors, lawyers, academics. People with status.”

The Hidden Need Beneath the Relationship

“Ariz,” I said gently, “it sounds like Roni gave you a sense of belonging. A sense of belonging that lifted you from a place where you felt small. Being connected to her and her world made you feel more significant than you had felt before.”

“How is that supposed to elevate me?” Ariz asked, genuinely confused.

“The connection itself,” I explained, “gave you a better image of yourself. Not everything in your relationship is about image, but this element is clearly present. You experienced Roni as stronger than you, more confident, more socially integrated, more admired. And subconsciously, you felt that being with her made you greater too.”

Roni looked at me, frustrated. “So why all the jealousy? Why doesn’t he support me? Why does he try to limit my social life, when those very people are supposed to elevate him? Jealousy is just toxic.”

When Admiration Turns Into Fear

“Jealousy isn’t always negative,” I replied. “But in this case, it has become unhealthy.”

I turned to Ariz. “When you feel that Roni is ‘above’ you, that she is stronger or more worthy than you, something painful happens internally. On a subconscious level, you begin to fear that she might eventually realize she is too good for you and leave.”

Ariz remained silent.

“That fear is unbearable,” I continued. “So the psyche tries to protect itself. How? Through control. Through excessive jealousy. Through constantly checking where she is, who she’s with, what she’s doing. Not because you want to hurt her, but because somewhere deep inside you are terrified of losing her.”

Roni’s expression softened slightly.

“This kind of jealousy,” I said carefully, “does not belong in a healthy relationship. It suffocates connection instead of strengthening it. And that is precisely where the work must begin: not at the level of behavior, but at the root of the fear beneath it.”