When Both Partners Are Right: Navigating Conflicts in Relationships

One of the most common conflicts between couples is the situation in which each partner is completely convinced they are right and that the other must change.

This raises an important question. How can intelligent, thoughtful people be so certain of their own position? Isn’t there one clear, rational truth?

In legal disputes, opposing sides turn to a judge to determine who is right. But within a relationship, we often see something very different. Each partner clings firmly to their perspective, even when confronted with the possibility that they may be mistaken.

In this article, I would like to explain why people become so entrenched in their positions.

Why We Instinctively Defend “Our Side”

We all recognize the familiar scenario of a child running to their parent and declaring, “Dad, my friend was bothering me!”

Almost automatically, the parent rushes to defend their child. Without having witnessed the incident, the parent instinctively assumes their child is in the right and the other child is at fault. If the second child’s parent becomes involved, they too immediately defend their own child. Each side becomes convinced that their version is the truth.

But how can that be? Neither parent was present. Neither actually knows what happened. And yet each feels certain.

We see the same dynamic in political discussions. A person on one side views an event as absolute proof of their position, while someone on the other side interprets the very same event as evidence of the opposite. Each feels equally convinced.

This shows us something essential: opinions are not formed purely through logic. They are shaped by emotional forces, personal identification, and inner fears.

The Fear Beneath Certainty

One of the strongest forces behind this phenomenon is a person’s emotional closeness to their own position, combined with a deep fear of change.

Human nature is drawn toward comfort and stability. We choose paths that feel familiar and safe. Once we choose a position, we naturally develop positive feelings toward it. But emotions alone cannot withstand challenge, so the mind quickly steps in and begins to justify those feelings.

The mind becomes, in a sense, the attorney for the heart.

When someone challenges our position, agreeing with them would require change. And change threatens the stability we rely on. So instead of opening ourselves to new perspectives, our minds automatically work to defend what feels safe and familiar.

This is why people often justify their own behavior fully, but when they observe the same behavior in someone else, they judge it differently. When the issue is personal, objectivity becomes difficult.

What Couples Must Understand

There are many techniques for persuading someone to reconsider their position. But for couples, the most important insight is not how to convince each other, but what not to do.

Arguing aggressively, dismissing the other’s perspective, or attempting to “prove” them wrong usually causes the opposite effect. It only strengthens their emotional attachment to their position.

For a relationship to remain healthy, each partner must recognize a simple but profound truth: even if I am convinced I am right, the person standing before me experiences their reality with the same conviction. Their perspective cannot be erased through conflict or negation.

Understanding can only grow through patience, respect, logic, and willingness to compromise. Only in such an atmosphere does real dialogue become possible.

Meir Weitzman is a marriage and family counselor with the Peace of Mind department of Hidabroot.