Is the Grass Greener? Why Comparison Steals Your Joy

One of the most destructive forces in a relationship is looking outward instead of inward. It begins quietly with thoughts such as, “Why isn’t my husband like him?” or “Why isn’t my wife more like her?” and often escalates into verbal comparisons: “You should learn from her husband, did you see how he treats her?”

Many good people begin life with high expectations and sincere optimism, only to encounter real challenges soon after. These struggles naturally raise questions about the path they chose and the life they hoped to build.

Every Jewish home faces difficulties of some kind: financial pressures, emotional strain, interpersonal challenges, and family complexities. We are expected to navigate all of this while maintaining sanctity, nurturing character growth, and striving to keep the Shechinah present in the home. That work is demanding, and it is filled with setbacks.

There is no home, not one, that is free of struggle. Even when it appears that others live with ease and success, that impression is often an illusion. The grass looks greener only from a distance, when we cannot see the bare patches and hidden difficulties.

The Illusion of Other People’s Lives

It is common for people, instead of investing their energy into strengthening their own home, to peer outward and compare their lives to what they imagine exists in others’ homes.

But the life we see outside is only a surface. We know our own inner world, with all its flaws and pain, yet we see only the external image of others. We do not see their private struggles: the financial burdens behind luxury cars, the mortgages behind elegant homes, the lack of respect behind polished children, or the dissatisfaction behind professional success. People present their highlights, not their reality.

This distorted comparison often leads a person to believe that others have been blessed with better lives, when in truth they are simply seeing an edited version of someone else’s story.

Where Life Truly Happens

It is crucial to remember that life does not happen outside of us. Happiness, peace, joy, calm, and fulfillment all exist within. No one can truly see another person’s inner world, their real emotional state, or their hidden struggles. Often, people themselves are unaware of what is happening in their own depths.

True joy is built from within. It grows from self-acceptance, inner peace, and the ability to value one’s own life regardless of external circumstances. Love for life and for oneself cannot be dependent on comparisons, possessions, or social status. It must be unconditional.

A person who learns to live their own life, without measuring it against others, opens the door to genuine contentment.

Choosing Growth Over Doubt

Instead of filling our minds with questions that lead nowhere:
Did I marry the wrong person?
Could my children have been different?
Did I choose the wrong career?

We must redirect our energy toward questions that build:
How can I deepen my connection in this home?
How can I invest in the life I was given?
What work do I need to do to see the good around me more clearly?

When we learn to view life with gratitude and perspective, we begin to see the glass not only as half full, but as something we can actively fill through effort, intention, and growth.