Why Doesn’t He Show Up at Home Like He Does Everywhere Else?

"Listen, Hannah, he doesn’t initiate, he doesn’t lead, he’s not dominant. I need a man at home," Lior said angrily.

"What do you mean? Are you saying he has no strengths? That he doesn’t know how?" I asked.

"He knows how to initiate very well. I see how he leads projects at work, how he creates solutions and moves things forward. But at home, he’s passive. The most he does is respond to requests like customer service, and that’s the last thing I want," she replied.

"Are you saying you don’t want a man who simply does everything you ask?" I asked.

"Absolutely not. If I wanted someone to drive me around and follow instructions, I would hire a chauffeur. That’s not why I got married," Lior said firmly.

"Nothing satisfies her. I do everything she asks, and it’s still not enough. Hannah, tell me what I’m doing wrong. Am I supposed to stop doing everything she wants? Explain it to me, I’m desperate," Hadr said.

"Hadr, you need to act in a way that truly connects with me, not just follow instructions. You need to feel me, and from that feeling, you will know what to do," Lior responded.

Understanding the Emotional Experience

"Let’s pause and organize things for a moment.

"Hadr, first try to understand the emotional experience Lior is going through as a woman.

"Her inner experience is cyclical, like the moon. It is process oriented and emotional, connected to expression and the inner life of the soul. Within this cyclical nature, she moves between inward gathering and renewed growth, like a seed that decomposes in the soil and then sprouts again," I explained.

"Wait, what does that mean? My experiences are not cyclical?" Hadr asked.

"Your experience is primarily linear. Like an arrow aimed at a target, it is characterized by stability, continuity, and direction. You have the ability to create structure, focus, and movement forward.

"That does not mean you have no emotional cycles, but unlike Lior, where this rhythm is deeply embedded in her body and soul, you must consciously learn it. Through your relationship with Lior, you can learn to connect to that softer, cyclical aspect within yourself," I said.

"So what am I supposed to do? Connect to my feminine side?" Hadr asked.

"In your relationship, you express the masculine essence of influence and direction, while Lior expresses the feminine essence of reception and emotional presence. But both of you contain masculine and feminine qualities within yourselves.

"You can learn about your own emotional depth through Lior, not only to understand her better but also to develop those parts within yourself."

"If I help him connect to his emotional side, how does he help me?" Lior asked.

The Balance Between Presence and Direction

"On your own, you can sometimes become stuck inside your emotional world, retreating inward. Hadr’s linear strength can help you move outward again. Together, you can create a spiral movement that includes both depth and direction," I replied.

"Hadr, when Lior says you do things without feeling her, she means that you are focused on goals and tasks rather than being emotionally present. You act efficiently, but you are not truly with her in the moment.

"When you learn to feel her and bring your strengths in a way that aligns with her emotional world, you can create a shared movement built on partnership."

"You know what? That only makes me more frustrated. I realize how much he has not been present in our relationship," Lior said.

"It is true that Hadr needs to develop his presence and leadership in the relationship. But there are two important points here.

"First, how could he do this before hearing these things clearly for the first time.

"Second, you also have a role. You must recognize his strengths and allow his influence when he is aligned. When he is not aligned, guide him gently so he can grow and become more precise in your shared structure.

The Deeper Work of Letting Go and Trust

"Let me summarize.

"When a woman experiences pain or difficulty, she often feels it deeply and intensely. She can become immersed in it and struggle to release it. This is the inward movement of her emotional world.

"Often, the fear of letting go comes from the belief that there is no way out. The man carries a different inner strength, the ability to bring direction, surrender, and movement forward. Through connection with him, the woman can access this power within herself, learning to release, trust, and allow life to lead her forward.

Inspired by the book The Weaver in Secrets by Ornat Varno.