The Secret of Lasting Happiness

Imagine you are given a once in a lifetime opportunity to ask for anything you want so that you can be happy. Would you know exactly what to ask for? Are you sure that what you want is what will truly make you happy?

Happiness is elusive. Every person, everywhere in the world, searches for it and chases it, yet not everyone finds it. The basic reason people struggle to feel real happiness is because they do not clearly know what true happiness is or how to reach it.

Why Motivation Alone Is Not Enough

Many people rely on motivation. They believe that if they just had more drive and a stronger desire, they would reach their goals. Strengthening willpower is important and often necessary to achieve good results in life, but it is not sufficient.

Relying only on willpower and inner drive is like owning the newest, most luxurious car with the strongest engine and wanting to travel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, while not knowing the route. Will the car help you reach your destination?

You may begin with excitement, press hard on the gas, and drive quickly, yet still get nowhere. If you want to enjoy the sunset while facing east, you will be disappointed no matter how motivated you are. The first step toward achieving any goal is knowing where you want to go and knowing the path that leads there.

Looking for the Keys Where the Light Is

This reminds me of the well known story about a man who lost his keys. His friend saw him bent over, staring at the ground under a streetlight near his front door, and asked what he was looking for. The man said he had lost his keys. The friend offered to help and asked where he had lost them.

“Inside the house,” the man answered.

His friend was surprised and asked, “Then why are you looking outside instead of inside?”

“Because the house is dark and there is light here,” the man replied.

Effort matters, but direction matters just as much. We must search in the right place if we want to find what we are truly looking for.

Effort and persistence are necessary if we want results in any area of life. True progress requires real investment. But alongside desire and effort, a person must have a clear understanding of the goal, because otherwise, the struggle becomes wasted effort. You can work hard and still end up frustrated if you are aiming at the wrong target.

The Malbim

Judaism offers a powerful and precise definition of true happiness. Rabbi Meir Leibush, known as the holy Malbim, reveals deep insights in his commentary on Tanach. He was a brilliant scholar with mastery in both the revealed and hidden dimensions of Torah.

Early in life, the Malbim focused mainly on halachic works and poured most of his strength into them. The sages of his generation recognized his wisdom and righteousness while he was still young.

His life was far from easy. He endured serious financial hardship and repeated harassment, disgrace, and persecution from people who opposed his rulings, sermons, and rebuke. Yet he did not break and did not fear anyone. He refused to flatter his opponents, and he continued teaching Torah and spreading faith and reverence wherever he lived.

His sharpness and strength of mind helped him withstand the constant provocations of empty and reckless people who tried to undermine the foundations of religion. They used every method available, including informing on him and spreading lies to the authorities.

One of the most striking qualities in the Malbim’s commentary is the exact meaning he gives to every word. He leaves nothing unnecessary. Even when the Torah repeats wording to expand an idea, he explains why and clarifies the differences between the terms. It is not surprising, then, that we find a precise definition of happiness in his words.

The first word of the Book of Tehillim is Ashrei. In a few short, deep, and exact lines, the Malbim explains what true happiness is and who the truly happy person is.

Happiness Versus Success

We often speak about happiness and success as though they are the same thing, without noticing the difference between them. The Malbim explains that success relates to worldly matters in this life, while happiness relates to the inner life of the soul and the world to come.

He teaches that human completeness has three areas: material possessions, the body, and the soul. Wealth and physical strength are not uniquely human. Animals may surpass humans in finding food easily, in physical power, or in sharp senses. These qualities, he explains, are not the unique happiness of a human being. What is uniquely human is refined character and the inner qualities of the soul.

The Three Forms of “Completeness”

Everything good that we desire can be placed into one of these three categories: body, money, or soul. The first chapter of Tehillim describes happiness that belongs specifically to a human being.

Physical strength and material comfort can exist in animals as well, and some animals exceed humans in these areas. The Malbim refers to these two forms of completeness as “success.” True happiness, the kind that belongs specifically to the human being, is the happiness of the soul. A person who is complete in character is happy, because happiness comes from inner completeness.

Why Someone Can Have Everything and Still Feel Empty

Now it becomes clear why someone can be healthy, attractive, and wealthy, and still not be happy. Many studies in psychology have shown this reality. Physical and financial advantages may bring success, but they do not guarantee happiness.

A person may have a wonderful family and a stable income, yet still suffer from negative emotions and harmful traits that damage his joy. He may live with constant worry about the future, his children, or his business, and feel helpless and miserable. He may struggle with insomnia, fears, and anxiety despite all the blessings he has.

What then brings about happiness?

The Inner Qualities That Create Peace

Faith and trust, for example, can give a person inner calm, emotional rest, and peace. This is not a material achievement. Being whole in the soul is the happiness a person truly seeks.

Happiness is not found in external circumstances, but is an inner process. It comes from the character traits that shape a person’s inner world.

A Powerful Example of Inner Happiness

How can a person who has suffered a painful and devastating injury still testify that he is the happiest person in the world?

Yinon Cohen was a Golani soldier who lost both legs after his commander accidentally detonated a missile during training. Yinon endured an extremely difficult rehabilitation. He had every reason to lose his will to live and sink into depression, yet he consistently chose a hopeful and positive stance toward life. He expressed gratitude for what remained and spoke of the kindness and miracles he experienced.

More than once, he mentioned that his strong faith in the Creator gave meaning to what he went through and gave him strength to face his challenges. He forgave the person responsible and did not envy others who were physically healthier.

Why External Change Does Not Automatically Create Happiness

Because happiness is internal, a person can lack money or physical ability and still be joyful. Of course, inner happiness does not require losing external blessings. A person can strive for health and livelihood while also working on the soul. But external change alone is not the source.

Anyone who focuses only on improving life conditions in order to become happy is likely to face disappointment. In any moment a person can feel happy, and in any situation a person can feel miserable.

A single person who believes that marriage will make him permanently happy does not yet understand happiness. He may feel joy and excitement for a short time, but lasting happiness depends on inner work.

Married people know this well. The effort required to attain happiness is the same before marriage and after it. Harmful traits can turn a home into suffering, and even great love can turn into resentment when character is unrefined. Marriage can be a powerful source of happiness, but only when good character traits exist between husband and wife.

Children, Circumstances, and the Myth of Automatic Joy

Soon after marriage many couples hope to have children. But is happiness dependent on having children?

Some people have children and are happy. Others have children and are miserable. Some people have no children and are miserable, while others have no children and are deeply happy. Inner happiness is not determined by external circumstances.

A joyful person stays joyful even when life includes pain. A pessimistic and negative person may remain unhappy even after receiving many blessings. Personality and traits do not instantly change with every good or bad event.

What We Learn From the Lives of Torah Giants

A brief look at the lives of great Torah figures throughout the generations gives a clear picture of true joy and inner happiness. In many cases they endured serious hardships, both physically and financially. Their homes often reflected simplicity and contentment with little. Their furniture might have been old and minimal, yet their happiness cannot be measured.

Their food was not the kind served in hotels and restaurants that people visit in search of pleasure. Some experienced years of real hunger, yet it did not destroy their joy.

It is said that Rabbi Aharon Leib Steinman ate the same simple meal daily for years, something that would not satisfy most people. Stories describe how, as a young kollel student, he would return part of his small stipend each month, saying he had used what he needed and the rest was extra.

About the Chazon Ish, Rabbi Avraham Yeshaya Karelitz, it is told that he wore the same hat from his wedding day until his passing. He had no need for multiple hats or fashion. He was focused on inner perfection, which gave him real happiness.

About Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, it is said that he did not even know the streets of Bnei Brak well. From a young age, the routes he knew were simply from home to the study hall and synagogue. One story tells of someone meeting him far from his home and asking what he was doing there. Rabbi Chaim replied that he did not know where he was or how he had arrived, and in the end the man had to escort him because Rabbi Chaim did not recognize the area.

Where Happiness Is Not Found

Happiness is not found in a beautiful house, even if beauty is pleasant. Happiness is not found in a new car, even if it is useful. It does not come from vacations or constant travel. Happiness can exist even without the benefits of physical health or financial comfort.

The inner completeness a person gains comes from refined and upright character traits. Only they can bring a life filled with satisfaction, contentment, and meaning.