The Hidden Secret of Joy: Why Smiling Starts in the Heart, Not the Head

You know the feeling. You wake up late, miss the fast bus, arrive embarrassingly late to an important meeting with a potential client, and the client decides they don’t want your services after all. Then you return to the office frustrated, only to bump into a coworker who looks at your miserable face and declares, “Smile!”

You stare back like: Excuse me? Smile? Why?

“Smile!” they repeat, louder this time. “The sun is shining, birds are singing, life is beautiful — come on, smile!”

And in that moment, all you want is to shut them in a cramped, dark room and see if they still smile.

But maybe they’re not entirely wrong.

In honor of Purim, I sat down with Noa Eisenberg, who leads laughter workshops for women. I went in looking for the “source” of joy — where it comes from, why it’s so hard to reach, and why it feels like there are endless workshops promising happiness… but not nearly enough happy people walking around.

Noa promised to try to offer real insights.

I sat across from her with my laptop. It bothered her a little that I wasn’t looking at her the whole time, but she agreed to try anyway.

Then she asked the least connected question imaginable: “Do you know what teshuvah is?”

Teshuvah Isn’t a Moment — It’s a Return

At first, I was sure she had misunderstood the topic.

But Noa insisted: “This is connected. Without this introduction, our joy has no meaning.”

She explained that when people hear she is “a ba’alat teshuvah,” they usually ask when she “became religious” — meaning when she started keeping mitzvot. But, she said, that isn’t what teshuvah really means.

“Teshuvah is a journey,” she told me. “The Zohar describes it as returning something to its place. Sometimes the soul gets lost. Teshuvah is the process of bringing the soul back home to its source. Keeping mitzvot expresses that process, but it isn’t the process itself. And it never really ends.”

Even today, she said, she tries to take time each day for yishuv hada’at — settling the mind, and checking in.

“Where am I? What do I want? Where is my soul’s home?”

The Longest Distance: From the Head to the Heart

Noa described da’at as the bridge between mind and heart — between spiritual truth and lived reality.

“Most people have intellectual faith,” she said. “They believe in their head. But when the test comes, it doesn’t hold them up. The missing step is bringing what the mind knows down into the heart.”

She quoted the verse: “You shall know today and bring it back to your heart.”

I’ll be honest: I still didn’t understand what any of this had to do with joy.

She smiled. “That’s exactly the point.”

She explained: when people say someone “lost their mind,” it often means they’ve left that settled inner place. And where do we go when we leave it?

To frustration. To helplessness. To sadness.

Why So Many People Aren’t Truly Happy

Noa made a bold claim, that most people aren’t genuinely happy. Even when joy appears, it’s temporary — visiting for a moment and then fading into the grind of life.

A woman who finally gets engaged may feel ecstatic on her wedding day, and two or three months later, she discovers that the “big joy” has been swallowed by daily pressure and routine.

Meanwhile, she noted, the use of antidepressants has risen dramatically. It’s a strange contradiction: quality of life improves, yet inner life weakens.

“Who wakes up in the morning, opens their eyes, and feels joy just for existing?” she asked. “Honestly, even I don’t.”

She quoted Rabbi Nachman: reaching joy is one of the hardest things in the world, and yet a person must do everything possible to get there, because sadness and despair become a root of many forms of suffering.

The Root of Joy: Faith That Reaches the Heart

So how do you get there? Noa’s answer was clear: the foundation of joy is emunah — faith.

“If I truly believe that everything that happens, whether good or seemingly bad, is from God, with personal providence, and that it’s ultimately for my good… then why would I be sad?”

I challenged her: “But there are faithful people who are still sad.”

“No,” she said gently. “There are people with head-faith who are still sad. The work is to turn faith into heart-faith. That’s the entire introduction I needed you to hear.”

Laughter Yoga as a Tool — Not a Shortcut

Noa uses laughter yoga as a practical tool to help bridge that gap.

“It’s not the goal,” she said. “It’s a technique that helps us release tension and stay steady during daily tests.”

She gave me an example from her own life: she arrived to run a laughter workshop for 200 women in northern Israel, only to discover that the special microphone she needed was broken. They offered her a regular microphone, but in a laughter workshop, you need your hands free.

Her mind said: It’s all for the best. God decided this.

Her heart said: Ugh. Everything is ruined. I came all the way for nothing.

So she chose a third option: she shared her frustration openly, and then it got worse. A woman beside her grabbed the microphone and accidentally tore the cable.

Noa described what happened next: “In that moment of total darkness, I shouted — smiling as wide as I could: ‘God, I don’t have my special mic, and now the regular mic is broken too!’ And I burst out laughing.”

“Because the reality is the reality,” she said. “Now the question is: will you cry or will you laugh? The situation stays the same either way — only your relationship to it changes.”

“It Feels Fake” — The Biggest Obstacle

Many people, she admitted, struggle with laughter yoga because it feels artificial.

And she agreed: it can look strange from the outside.

But then she shared the key idea: “The brain doesn’t know the difference between real laughter and initiated laughter. The same hormones are released.”

She explained that laughter stimulates endorphins (natural pain relief) and serotonin (a mood stabilizer), and these effects can occur even when laughter begins intentionally.

Over time, she said, forced laughter often becomes real laughter, especially in a group setting.

“Just like the idea of mitoch she’lo lishmah ba lishmah — starting not fully “for its own sake,” and arriving there.

The Fear of Looking Ridiculous

Noa said the greatest challenge is embarrassment. People feel silly laughing “for no reason.” They’re trained to be serious, controlled, and impressive.

“We’re obsessed with image,” she said. “What will they think of me?”

And then she said something that landed hard: “We’re love-beggars — looking for love outside, instead of receiving it where it actually is.”

Real love, she said, is found in relationship with God. Not instant “highs,” and not a quick workshop that gives a burst of light and then leaves you crashing.

Joy is a process. Start with one minute a day: “Hi, Father. Let’s talk.”

Returning to the Inner Child

A laughter workshop, she explained, is one of the few safe spaces where adults are allowed to lose control a little, and where it’s permitted to be playful, messy, and human.

The goal isn’t to become childish, but to reconnect with what childhood still holds: flexibility, spontaneity, creativity, and movement.

“A child has the ability to change,” she said. “Life flows through them. They aren’t yet crushed by years of performance.”

Adults smile differently. Children show teeth, but adults calculate their angles.

Laughter yoga, she said, brings out the healthy inner child — not only the wounded one we talk about in therapy.

Your “Personal Amalek”

Noa described the inner forces that block a person, as the fear, shame, and the voice that says “you can’t”, as each person’s “private Amalek.”

She shared that she used to be extremely anxious. Speaking to a crowd would dry out her mouth, and make her voice shake. Even advertising a local workshop felt terrifying.

But she learned that “If you don’t walk through the fear, the fear wins.”

And sometimes, the first way through fear is to simply laugh.

Practical Tips for More Joy

1) Say “Modeh Ani” With a Smile

When you wake up, say Modeh Ani with a big smile, and mean the gratitude.

2) Try “Silent Laughter”

A laughter yoga technique: laugh quietly like you would in a library — still laughing, but without sound. You can do it under the blanket if it feels awkward. It’s amazing what it does to your mood.

3) Laugh at the Absurd Moment

When something frustrating happens, release the tension through intentional laughter that reflects the absurdity. Rabbi Nachman teaches that even if you don’t feel joy, act as if you do, and the real joy can follow.

4) The Imaginary Mirror Exercise

Turn your hand into an “imaginary mirror,” look at it, and say:

• “Am I human? Yes.”

• “Am I allowed to make mistakes? Yes.”

• “If you never do, do you ever grow? No.”
  Then say: “You fell? Get up. Tomorrow is a new day.”
  And laugh.

5) Repeat the Faith Reminder

Who runs the world? God.
Is it for the good? Yes.
God loves you, and nothing is random.

6) Daily Yishuv HaDa’at

Give yourself a few quiet minutes each day to settle your mind, reconnect to yourself, and speak to God in personal prayer.

7) Make a “What I Have” List

Write:

• A list of good things you have in your outer life

• A list of good qualities you have within