Taking Responsibility for Your Life: How Mindset, Faith, and Action Shape Your Reality

Naomi ended the conversation overwhelmed by a swirl of emotions — sadness, frustration, fear, and a flicker of joy. Everything blended together, and she burst into tears, angry with herself for being unable to feel happy. After all, Tehila had finally gotten engaged. They had waited together for so many years, and instead of rejoicing with her friend, Naomi felt confused and stuck.

She remembered their last conversation. Tehila had told her that her change began the moment she realized she was responsible for the reality she was living in. It took time to truly absorb that idea, but it led her into an inner process that helped her uncover what, deep within her own mindset, had been blocking the relationship she longed for. And now, she had found her partner.

And then it hit Naomi like a wave: Could it be that I’m responsible for still being single? Is this really in my hands?

A Question for You

Let me turn to you, the reader: Where in your life do you feel blocked? Do you believe you have the ability to move beyond it? Is it, in any way, within your control?

Most answers are likely to sound familiar:
“It’s from Heaven.”
“This is my fate.”
“That’s just my luck.”
“It will always be this way.”
“It’s not in my control.”

Why Is Taking Responsibility So Hard?

1. Leaving the Comfort Zone

The first reason is simple: if I take responsibility for my situation, I have to change. I have to step out of my comfort zone into unfamiliar territory, and that’s frightening.

The familiar, even when painful, feels safe. Who knows what awaits in a different place? Even when we deeply want something else, moving toward it can feel terrifying.

So we stay where we are. Days pass without change in the direction we dream of, filled instead with pain, sadness, and frustration over not moving forward.

2. The Weight of Guilt

The second reason we avoid responsibility is guilt. Accepting responsibility means acknowledging that I played a role in how my life looks right now. There’s no one else to blame. Guilt is one of the hardest emotions to face, so we instinctively run from it.

Think of a familiar example: you see a tempting cake at an event. You debate whether to eat it. Eventually, you give in, but instead of enjoying it, guilt floods in. “Why couldn’t I control myself?” “What’s wrong with me?”

The way forward is not avoidance, but choice.

In the cake example: “I choose to eat this cake right now because I understand this is what I need in this moment. I take ownership of my decision and make peace with it.”

Responsibility — Without Self-Blame

What helps immensely is telling yourself: “I choose to take responsibility for my life. I understand that I chose my current reality because, at this stage of my life, it was what felt right for me. In the past, those choices were also right for me then. Now, I choose to grow and move to the next chapter of my life.”

Accept yourself and your current reality with compassion. And understand that you can choose to change it.

“But Isn’t It All from Heaven?”

Maybe you’re thinking: “It’s all from Heaven” or “This is what was decreed for me.” When you say that, where does the responsibility go?

That mindset leads to passivity. Someone “up there” decided what your life would look like, and all that remains is to mourn your fate.

The truth is however, that we live in a world of action. Food, clothing and money don’t show up on their own. Everything requires effort, including, and especially, our inner and emotional work.

Action Isn’t Enough Without Inner Work

You might say: “I did my part. I went to the doctor. I called a matchmaker. I went on dates. I’m constantly doing things to change my life.”

That’s like owning a business, running an ad, and saying: “That’s it. I did my part — the rest is from Above.”

But is advertising alone really enough?

In a marketing workshop I once attended, the consultant said: 30% is advertising. 70% is mindset.

After the COVID period, I decided I wanted to start seeing clients again. I did deep inner work of releasing fears, and daring to step out of my comfort zone. I mentally accepted that my routine would change, that I would be committed to clients weekly, without cancellations. I placed an ad in the newspaper.

That same week, three women called me, each referred by someone else. One of them had been referred six months earlier. All three called in the same week. Not a single call was from the ad itself.

Was it the advertising? If I hadn’t advertised, would they have called?

Thoughts Shape Reality

There are countless studies showing the impact of our thoughts on our reality.

We are responsible for our reality even in areas that seem beyond choice, such as fertility challenges, recurring accidents, chronic pain, and more.

I once met someone who had been in many accidents. When he decided to work on it emotionally, he traced the pattern back to age two. At that time, his older sibling was injured in an accident, and the entire family focused on the sibling. He unconsciously concluded that to receive attention, one must be hurt.

Where Is God in All This?

As we act on doing both inner and outer work, we must also deeply believe that the results are not in our hands.

We take responsibility for effort, for what is within our control. If the outcome isn’t what we hoped for, we continue our work — because that is our role in this world, while trusting that results come from Above.

We act with faith and release, knowing there is Someone above who loves us and wants what is best for us. Whatever is happening right now is what is best for this moment in our lives.

Our fears, beliefs, and thoughts are what shape our reality.

The First Step to Change

To change the reality of your life, the first step is taking responsibility — understanding that you have influence over your life and what you experience, and that you have the option to act and create change.

Pick up the paintbrush. Take ownership. And begin painting your life exactly as you truly dream it to be.

Sarah Silberman is a guide for happy marriages and finding one’s life partner, and a therapist.