Shuli Mualem-Rafaeli: Personal Reflections on Loss, Love, and Hope

A food that takes you back to childhood

“Shabbat challah, fish, and semolina soup.”

Three items you would take with you to a deserted island

“A Bible, a mobile phone with plenty of batteries so I could stay in touch, and a computer with access to digital books. I love reading, and in my view there are two things that can heal almost anything: reading and water. When you have a book, an entire world opens up before you.”

Your guilty pleasure

“Coffee with something tasty on the side.”

What helps you recharge after a hard day

“My family: my husband, my children, and my grandchildren.”

Something people don’t know about you

“That I’m afraid of the dark and of cats, and that I almost drowned. I grew up in Haifa, and for Tashlich we would go right down to the edge of the sea. One year, when I was six or seven, I climbed onto a wooden board that was there and started drifting into the water. It took some time before the people on the shore realized what was happening and jumped in toward me.”

What scares you most

“Losing someone close to me.”

When was the last time you cried

“That’s not really a fair question to ask me. I cry a lot, and tears come easily to me. Crying is part of my life, and it cleanses the soul. For me, tears express the entire range of emotions: pain, joy, sorrow, and frustration. The last time was yesterday, when I spoke in front of about a hundred people. We are within the month in which I lost both my mother and my husband, and at a certain point during the talk, I cried.

“By nature I am a very optimistic person. I think I manage to live with such intensity precisely because I allow space for mourning, for the sense of loss, and for everything that bereavement brings.”

Something you would like to improve in yourself

“To be more patient, and perhaps a little less sensitive. I try to lead change even when it takes many years, to remain optimistic and not give up. Still, when someone crosses a line with me, I sometimes lose my patience and my ability to contain things. I would like to be more capable even in those situations.”

The most honest moment you had speaking to God

“When I was diagnosed with cancer sixteen years ago. That was the moment when I did not understand what God wanted from me, and that was where the most open and honest dialogue took place.”

A dream you haven’t given up on

“Playing the piano. I haven’t tried yet, but that will come too. The dream is still there.”

A trait you value in people

“The ability to connect with people who are different from them.”

Which person who is no longer alive would you like to sit and talk with

“My mother. She passed away when I was fourteen, on the very same date that my husband was killed eighteen years later. So many things happened to us without her.

“In an interview someone once conducted with me, the journalist wanted to be original and announced, ‘I want to start the interview with a question about your mother: when do you miss her the most?’ I answered, ‘All the time, everywhere.’ She was stunned, because she expected something specific. But I don’t miss my mother only in isolated moments. The absence is constant, even though I am now nine years older than she ever was. I simply want to meet her again, and I miss her love and her embrace.”

How would you like to be remembered after 120 years

“As someone who tried with all her strength to create connections within the people of Israel and to do good.”