“Why Don’t You Take Initiative?” When Laziness Isn’t What It Seems

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t take initiative. I have to initiate everything in this house. He just waits for things to happen. I’m fed up. I’m not willing to carry this house for both of us,” Eti said angrily.

“When you tell me to do something, I don’t do it? I do everything you say,” Yoram replied defensively.

“That’s exactly what infuriates me,” Eti raised her voice. “I don’t want you to do what I say. I want you to take initiative on your own. I want you to think, to notice, to act without being told.”

“A person who initiates, creates, or truly has an impact doesn’t wait to be instructed,” I said. “He doesn’t wait for others to need him. He anticipates the need. He looks for ways to influence and to be meaningful at home.”

“So you’re saying I don’t have any impact?” Yoram asked quietly.

“No,” I answered. “I’m saying something else entirely.”

“You’re just lazy,” Eti cut in sharply.

“I’m lazy?” Yoram protested. “A moment ago you said I do everything I’m told. I never said I don’t have strength.”

At that point, I had to pause the conversation. “Let’s stop for a moment and clarify what laziness actually is. Once we understand that, this whole picture will look different.”

What Laziness Really Is

Laziness is not simply a lack of action. At its core, it reflects a reduction in vitality flowing from the soul to the body. A lazy person experiences a diminished inner drive.

When someone feels that reality is not unfolding the way they hoped or imagined, sadness often follows. Laziness is one of the clearest outcomes of sadness in its various forms.

Paradoxically, a person who struggles with chronic laziness is often someone with great potential. He has something to give, a message, unique abilities, and a desire to make an impact. But when reality does not align with his inner vision, discouragement sets in. Sadness turns into withdrawal, and withdrawal becomes laziness.

This state is deeply harmful. When laziness is not confronted, internal mechanisms begin to deteriorate. Thoughts scatter, anxieties increase, and distrust toward people and the world grows. Laziness prevents a person from discovering his strengths and from confronting his inner struggles. Even someone with real abilities may find himself unable to mobilize them.

It is important to remember that growth and progress never occur without effort.

Laziness Versus Procrastination

“I don’t get it,” Yoram said. “She often says she’ll clean the house or take the kids places, but in the end she doesn’t do it. So maybe she’s lazy too. Maybe we’re both lazy,” he added with a faint smile.

“That’s not laziness,” I replied. “That’s procrastination. In procrastination, a person has a genuine desire and a clear goal, but struggles to invest the effort needed to reach it. Laziness is different. In laziness, there is no defined goal, no inner direction, no target to move toward.”

“So why is this happening to me?” Yoram asked, discouraged. “I feel like I have strength, but no direction. I don’t know what I’m moving toward.”

“There can be several reasons,” I explained. “Sometimes a person avoids setting goals because he doesn’t believe in himself or in his ability to make a difference.”

“Sometimes perfectionism plays a role. When a person feels that if something isn’t perfect or if he isn’t the best, it’s not worth doing, action becomes paralyzed.”

“Past failures can also weigh heavily. Memories of disappointment can sap motivation and make it harder to get back on the path of action.”

“And sometimes,” I added gently, “this tendency is simply a deeply rooted trait, one that may require lifelong awareness and work.”

“But I don’t want to live like this,” Yoram said. “I see how much it has hurt me and how much I suffer. What can I do?”

Paths to Overcoming Laziness

“There are several ways to confront laziness,” I said.

“First, you need a deep internal understanding that the responsibility is yours. Only you can decide whether to fight for yourself or to give up.”

“Second, know that change is possible. You already know this. When you do something you deeply want, your laziness disappears. When you flew abroad with your son, there were no barriers. You acted quickly and decisively. That strength already exists within you.”

“Third, take responsibility for something specific. You need a defined space, a value, or an area of life that you commit to carrying. Responsibility awakens movement in the soul and restores vitality.”

“Fourth, learn to step back. Ask not only what you need from the world, but what the world needs from you.”

“Fifth, define clear and concrete goals. Laziness thrives in ambiguity. When goals are written down with timelines and deadlines, progress becomes measurable. Each small success builds confidence and self trust.”

“At the same time, be cautious with overly lofty visions. Your perfectionism can become an obstacle when the gap between your current state and your ideal feels unbridgeable. High aspirations are important, but they must be realistic.”

“Sadness often grows from the distance between where we are and where we believe we should be. That is why small, consistent actions are so powerful. They narrow the gap and help reveal inner strengths that were hidden.”

Written in collaboration with Ishi, inspired by the book, Breaking Personality Boundaries by Dr. Yechiel Harari.