Navigating Mourning on Purim: What You Can and Can’t Do

Purim is defined by Chazal as “days of feasting and joy.” Yet life does not pause for the calendar, and at times, personal loss intersects with communal celebration. The following guidelines clarify how mourning is observed on Purim, preserving both the dignity of the deceased and the joy of the day, according to halacha.

The Onen on Purim

An onen is a person who has lost one of the seven close relatives and whose burial has not yet taken place. Under normal circumstances, an onen may not eat meat or drink wine. On Purim, however, he is permitted to eat meat and drink wine both at night and during the day. Since Purim is a day of joy for the entire Jewish people, the joy of the community overrides the private mourning of the individual.

Death on the Night of Purim

If a relative passes away on the night of Purim and the burial will not take place that night, the mourner is not considered an onen at that time. He is therefore obligated in all mitzvot, including Ma’ariv and the reading of the Megillah.

In the morning, he becomes an onen. However, if the deceased has already been entrusted to the chevra kadisha, he should pray Shacharit with the community and hear the Megillah, and only afterward attend the burial. Once burial takes place, he assumes the status of a mourner and is once again obligated in mitzvot.

Delaying Burial

Delaying burial overnight normally violates the prohibition of bal talin. However, burial may be delayed for the honor of the deceased, such as waiting for a close relative to arrive from abroad.

There is also a tradition, cited by the Arizal, that one buried on Friday after the fifth hour of the day is spared chibbut ha-kever. Some authorities permitted delaying burial for this reason, while others strongly opposed it. Each case should be decided by competent rabbinic authority.

Eulogies on Purim

No eulogies are delivered on the 14th or 15th of Adar, in any location, due to the sanctity of the day. It is permitted, however, to speak about the positive character traits of the deceased and to offer words of moral strengthening.

A talmid chacham may be eulogized only during the funeral procession itself, not after burial.

Tziduk HaDin

According to Maran, Tziduk HaDin is recited even on Purim, since it is an acceptance of Divine judgment rather than a eulogy. Ashkenazic custom generally omits it on days when Tachanun is not said. Each community should follow its established custom.

For a talmid chacham, even Ashkenazim recite Tziduk HaDin during the funeral on Purim.

Keriah

Keriah is performed if a relative passes away on Purim. Afterward, the mourner should change into a different garment, out of respect for the mitzvah of joy associated with the day.

The Se’udat Havra’ah

The first meal after burial is provided by others, not by the mourner himself. On Purim, the customary foods of eggs and lentils are not served. Instead, cakes, coffee, and preferably meat and wine are given, in honor of the day.

In Jerusalem, the se’udat havra’ah on Purim is provided only for a parent, with other mourners participating.

On Purim, the mourner himself breaks the bread, and bread is not placed directly into his hands, since public mourning does not apply.

Tefillin

If death occurs on Purim, tefillin are not worn that day. If burial took place the night before Purim, tefillin are worn the next morning with a blessing. If burial occurs during the day of Purim, tefillin are worn after burial.

Shiva on Purim

Public mourning does not apply on Purim, neither by day nor by night. Private mourning practices remain in effect, similar to Shabbat.

The mourner wears leather shoes, does not sit on the ground, and does not wear torn garments. On the day of Purim itself, he wears Shabbat clothing.

Attending the Synagogue

If there is no minyan at home, the mourner goes to the synagogue, recites Kaddish, and hears the Megillah. He does not receive an aliyah unless called by name, in which case he should go up to avoid public mourning.

Crying on Purim

Public weeping and lamentation are forbidden on Purim. While opinions differ regarding quiet crying, one should be stringent and avoid it. Rabbinic guidance emphasizes compassion and discretion in such cases.

Meat and Wine During Shiva

Mourners may eat meat and drink wine on Purim. Refraining from them is not only unnecessary but incorrect according to halacha.

Opening a Store

A mourner may open his store on Purim, since closing it would constitute public mourning. This applies differently depending on whether the location observes Purim on the 14th or 15th.

Comforting Mourners

Even though public mourning is suspended, comforting mourners remains a mitzvah on Purim, similar to Chol HaMoed.

Words of Torah and Strengthening

Visitors should share Torah insights and words of encouragement, avoiding formal praise of the deceased. Emphasis should be placed on faith, Kaddish, and spiritual growth.

Mishloach Manot and Gifts to the Poor

The mourner is fully obligated in mishloach manot and gifts to the poor. Practical foods are preferable. Increasing gifts to the poor is especially praiseworthy, as emphasized by the Rambam.

Sending to a Mourner

It is permitted to send mishloach manot to a mourner, avoiding sweets. Torah scholars who teach publicly may receive respectful gifts.

Purim Feasts and Music

A mourner within twelve months may attend Purim meals, including mitzvah celebrations. Instrumental music should be avoided when possible, unless absence would constitute public mourning.

Memorial Gatherings

Yahrzeit gatherings may be held on Purim, provided they focus on Torah and spiritual strengthening and avoid eulogies or weeping.

Visiting the Cemetery

If the seventh day, thirtieth day, or yahrzeit falls on Purim, cemetery visits should be avoided if they may lead to lamentation. Where the custom is quiet prayer and study only, leniencies may apply.

Fasting

Fasting is forbidden on Purim, even for a yahrzeit. Torah study is the preferred merit for the elevation of the soul.

Closing Thoughts

Purim teaches us that even in moments of concealment and personal pain, the life of the community continues with faith and joy. Halacha carefully balances sensitivity to loss with the obligation to rejoice, reminding us that private sorrow is held within a larger story of collective resilience. By observing these laws with understanding and care, we honor both the departed and the enduring spirit of Purim.