Who Comes First in Charity? The Torah’s Insight into Giving with Compassion

“If you lend money to My people,” the Torah teaches us how to show kindness with the wealth the Creator has granted us, whether through charity or by lending to someone in distress, “to the poor who is with you.”

From the words “the poor who is with you,” our Sages learned (Bava Metzia 71): if there is a poor person and a wealthy person, the poor person comes first. Your own poor relatives take precedence over others. The poor of your city take precedence over the poor of another city.

In other words, there is an order of priorities in charity. If we are able to give to only one person and two poor people stand before us, some take precedence over others, either because they are relatives or because they live in the same city.

This raises a question. If two people are equally in need, why should a poor relative or a local resident receive priority? Did not our Sages elsewhere teach, “Who says your blood is redder than his?”

The Wealthy Man’s Excuse

“I am very sorry,” the wealthy man apologized as he rose from his chair, signaling that the meeting was over. “I have a poor brother whom I must support. Our Sages taught that a person’s relatives come before anyone else. I cannot participate in the charity drive.”

The charity collectors left his home disappointed. When they had entered with a heartbreaking case, they had hoped he would contribute a generous and meaningful sum. If not a large amount, then at least something symbolic. But not even a single coin.

Bringing the Case to the Rabbi

At the end of the day, the collectors went to the local rabbi and shared the severe hardship for which they were gathering funds.

“How much did so and so give?” the rabbi asked.

After inquiring about several members of the community, the rabbi asked about the wealthy man who had refused to participate.

“Nothing at all,” the collectors replied with dismay. “He apologized, saying that he supports his poor brother and therefore cannot contribute at all.”

The rabbi reflected for a moment and said, “I am certain that he does not support his brother either. However, so that you do not suspect me of speaking ill of a fellow Jew, let one of you go to the brother’s home and ask whether this is true.”

The Truth Revealed

One of the younger collectors volunteered. Half an hour later he returned, breathless, his face filled with astonishment. “Does our rabbi have divine inspiration?” he exclaimed.

The poor brother had heard the question and answered through choking tears that he had never received anything from his brother’s wealth.

“I am no prophet,” the rabbi said calmly. “The wealthy man justified his refusal by citing the teaching that relatives come first.

“Do you know why our Sages gave priority to relatives? Because it is difficult for a person to part with his money for others, but it is natural for him to have compassion for his own family. They taught that if two poor people come before you and you can give to only one, give first to your relative.

“After you give to your relative, for whom compassion comes naturally, you will discover that you also have the ability to give to the second poor person.

“When the wealthy man claimed that supporting his brother prevented him from giving to others, I understood that this could not be true. Rather, his desire for money led him to turn his back even on his own flesh and blood.”

A Lesson for Life

This sensitivity of the Torah to human emotions, and its recognition of how difficult certain mitzvot can be for us, shines a light into the darker corners of our lives.

Sometimes our mood is at rock bottom. We have no energy, and motivation seems absent. Instead of forcing ourselves to act against our will, dragging ourselves through actions without vitality simply because we must, the Torah teaches us to begin where it feels easier.

Take one small thing that we do feel like doing and start there. Suddenly we discover that if once we felt like doing it, we can feel like doing it again. That small step plants desire within us and gives us the energy to continue.